Personal Growth

One of my goals with this blog is to be real. I don’t have a ghost writer, so what follows is something that actually happened. It is also something I don’t want to share because it is not flattering. But the uncomfortable stories are the ones worth sharing because there is much to learn from them. And to be sure, I have learned something from this one.

The other night I had a dream that was telling about my inner-life. I dreamt that my wife, Sarah, had come out with a book and it was an instant success. The details in the dream were vague, but what was not vague was my jealousy towards her success. In the dream, she was a New York Times’ Best Seller, and my ego could not handle how much better she was as writing than I am/was. In fact, all I could feel in the dream was a deep-seated jealously for the one the one person I love more than any human being on the planet.

I am one messed up human being, aren’t I?

Deep inside of me is an insecurity that wonders if I will ever be good enough. Will my writing ever take off? Will I lead in a way that advances Hoffer Plastics, or will I fail? Will I look back and be proud of what our children became, or will I have regrets? Will Sarah consider me a good husband thirty years from now, or will there be things I could have done better?

Back to what’s really behind the dream, will I be the kind of person that cheers others on when they do something better than me at something I really care about?

Do I trust God enough to be okay with His provision for my life if said provision does not include the wildest, and often biggest, dreams inside my heart?

These are deep questions, obviously, that I share in hopes that you will ask them yourself.

As for me, I told Sarah about my dream the other night as we sat down to pray together. I told her that her husband is vane and insecure. This could not have surprised her because she knows me better than any other human-being. And for the record, she was hardly upset at a dream. In fact, I think my admission gave her a little laugh.

But I take it seriously because I know these insecurities exist in my heart. I also know that this season points to the birth of a Savior whose entire existence was based on the reality that I am already enough. When I remember this, I can let go of everything else.

The question today is what is in your self-worth based on?

To be someone worth following, you need to know.

Take a few minutes today to think through the questions above. They’re not easy, but dealing with them will help you on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.

Welcome to excuseville. Everyone is welcome, all you need is an excuse.

Welcome to all the washed-up former high school athletes. We agree that if it wasn’t for that one coach, or that terrible injury, you would have made the big leagues. We will be happy to keep sulking with you because that is what we do in excuseville.

Welcome to the disgruntled workers. We are sure that it is everyone else’s fault that your job lacks excitement. And don’t pay attention to those performance reviews, we agree they are bogus. Your boss is the real problem. They are the reason you have not climbed the ladder.

Welcome all members of Congress. You are our platinum members! Let’s keep pointing fingers and getting nothing done. Those are some of the founding tenets of excuseville!

Welcome to all those who are “too busy.” So are we! That’s why we sit on the couch and endlessly stream shows. With millions of hours of distraction, we cannot possibly run out of excuses for not reading books, going to the gym, or being a better parent.

Welcome to those who have actually tried to do something and failed. Don’t get back up, or “learn from your failure.” That takes a lot of energy. Join the crowd and make some excuses instead. You will find plenty of support when you do that!

And finally, welcome to all the business leaders, CEOs, owners of professional sports franchises, and, well, everyone in any kind of position of authority. Keep blaming the people you lead for YOUR crappy performance. Disregard any notion that it is your fault.

That, after all, is what excuseville is all about.

Think of someone wildly successful. What are the traits that define them? While there are potentially hundreds, here are three that I believe are non-negotiable.

1. Do the hard things.

People wildly successful run towards danger —especially conflict —and not away from it. Abraham Lincoln was advised that his life was in danger prior to even coming to Washington D.C. after he was elected president. He went anyway, and going eventually cost his life, but not before he changed the history of our Country. You might not be leading a nation, but to be successful you have to do the hard things: Have the one-on-one conversation, travel to see the customer in person, even discipline —out of love —your child. These aren’t easy, but they define successful people.

2. Persevere

Of all the people in the twentieth century who faced tremendous adversity, Martin Luther King, Jr. has to be at, or near, the top of the list. He was beaten, thrown in prison, and hated. Yet, he kept going on with the mission of racial equality. He faced his oppressors head-on and returned non-violence for their violence. I fear this example has become so commonplace that it long ago lost its wonder, so take a minute to consider how many others would have given up along the way. Or, look around. Who in your life has overcome unthinkable odds, even systemic racism or poverty, and persevered? While I don’t think anyone should have to apologize for God’s blessings on their upbringing or family, I do think we should take notice of those who have had the odds stacked against them from the beginning of their life. And this trait is evident in business, where far too many people succumb to the challenges faced everyday. The next time you are hit in the face, get back up. Repeat as necessary.

3. Accept responsibility for what you can control

Michael Jordan almost always took the last shot with the game on the line. In his famous Nike commercial, he sums up his views: “26 times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan never blamed Scottie Pippen for missing the game-winning shot. Rather, he accepted responsibility. Run through the tape–he never blamed teammates. He may have gotten into fist fights with them in practice, but he never blamed them publicly post game. Winners don’t. Yet, we live in a society filled with “experts” that blame others all the time. Not only is this toxic, but it is exactly the kind of thing losers do. As my dad has told me since I was a child: “Son, in golf you have no one to blame but yourself. That’s what makes it such a great game.” Same goes for leadership, for people worth following accept responsibility for their contribution rather than blaming others or making excuses.

I challenge you to think this week about these three attributes. Which one, if you are honest, do you need to focus on? Admittedly, this is not rocket science. My experience tells me that while people understand this content, they fail to implement it. How do I know? Because I have to constantly remind myself to do the hard things, persevere, and accept responsibility for what I can control.

Every Wednesday this October, I am sharing one thought or idea from Dr. Henry Cloud. I wouldn’t be the leader I am today without Dr. Cloud’s books, teaching, and guidance from afar. This content comes from the EntreLeadership Podcast. Not only do I listen to the EL podcast every Monday morning at the gym, I strongly believe you should as well. The content is simply can’t miss material!

Why you should no longer be afraid…

I have spent too much time fearing things that may never happen.

Can you relate?

In his interview with Alex Judd, Dr. Henry Cloud made what seemed like a passing comment about fear that stopped me in my tracks:

“The day you are no longer afraid because you know how to learn.”

This statement stopped me in my tracks because it changes the focus from fear to learning. This puts the onus on you, the leader, to learn.

And here is the secret in case you don’t notice it…

You can learn.

You can always learn.

What if the diagnosis is cancer?

Research the best medical help, get your mind right, and go to battle.

What if your top customer is pulling all their business?

Look at what drove them to that decision, adjust your game plan, target new markets, and aggressively grow your business.

What if your spouse tells you they’re unhappy?

Do some introspection. Value THEM more. Get some counseling. Above all, LEARN.

LEARN!

You and I don’t have to go through life afraid. That is if we put our best efforts into learning.

There are always skills to be gained.

Leaders – The people around us can get better. Let’s encourage, equip, and empower them this week. Everyone matters on our team.

But, let’s also remember that WE can get better as well.

Getting better starts with learning, and that’s the day when we no longer have anything to fear.

Please subscribe to Bald in Business so that I can send encouragement directly into your mailbox.

Every Wednesday this October, I am sharing one thought or idea from Dr. Henry Cloud. I wouldn’t be the leader I am today without Dr. Cloud’s books, teaching, and guidance from afar. This content comes from the EntreLeadership Podcast. Not only do I listen to the EL podcast every Monday morning at the gym, I strongly believe you should as well. The content is simply can’t miss material!

Hope vs. False Hope

The realist inside me cringes anytime someone chides me for “being negative” when reality threatens like a nasty thunderstorm. If the storm clouds are coming, shouldn’t we take shelter, I wonder?

In his interview with Alex Judd, Dr. Henry Cloud talks about false hope as being hope with nothing new, different, or improved. In other words, the next time a salesperson tells you that the project is going to kick-back-off, this time with better results, ask them the following questions:

What’s new?

What’s different?

What’s better?

For example:

What’s new?

-Our Trust-T-Lok fitment ultrasonically seals to a monolayer film.

What’s different about that?

-It allows us to produce a 100% recyclable pouch.

What’s better about that?

-A recyclable pouch allows brand owners to have a sustainable offering to their customers. While it is not the final answer, it is the next step towards more sustainable packaging.

There is something to hope in.

Ask these questions and differentiate false hope from real hope.

Next week, “Wednesdays in the Cloud” wraps up with a parting a word from Dr. Cloud about the day you are no longer afraid…

Please subscribe to Bald in Business so that I can send encouragement directly into your mailbox.

I’m nervous when I get up to speak in front of a large group of people.

I’m nervous when I think about our kids’ futures, and how they will develop.

I’m nervous about Hoffer Plastics, how it serves the heroes within and heroes without (heroes equaling customers, team members, and community).

I’m nervous every time I tee it up on the first tee.

I’m nervous when I monitor what Charity Water is doing across the globe. For no one should ever die because of unsanitary water.

I’m nervous when I think about Sarah, our future, and ALWAYS making tomorrow better than today.

I’m nervous when I think about my friend Asaph, his studies in Africa, and the difference he will someday soon make to the thousands of lives he will touch in Africa through PAACS.

I’m nervous on Sunday nights when four couples walk into our living room and we begin talking about life, its challenges, and how God’s Word applies to it all.

I’m nervous every time I wake up at 4:50 A.M. and head, in the dark, to the gym and workout in a way that sets the tone for my future health and future self.

I’m nervous every time I write a blog post, every time I post it, and every time someone reads it.

All this is true because I care a LOT about the things mentioned above. So, I spend a lot of time praying, and an equal amount of time doing.

I have come to realize that nerves are only an indicator that what I am doing matters.

I am most afraid, then, of not being nervous.

Every Wednesday this October, I am sharing one thought or idea from Dr. Henry Cloud. I wouldn’t be the leader I am today without Dr. Cloud’s books, teaching, and guidance from afar. This content comes from the EntreLeadership Podcast. Not only do I listen to the EL podcast every Monday morning at the gym, I strongly believe you should as well. The content is simply can’t miss material!

Language

If I have learned anything from Dr. Henry Cloud it is the importance of words.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never (always) hurt me…

In his interview with Alex Judd, Dr. Cloud talks about how leaders should be using words like we, us, our. These words unite, as opposed to divide.

Turn on the talking political heads and listen how our congress describes the other side. “They are on the wrong side of history.” “I don’t know how they believe that stuff.”

They = division

Leaders, pay attention to your words this week.

Occasionally, someone on our team introduces me to someone else and then says, “I work for Alex.” I have a gag-reflex to that.

“You work WITH me,” I always instruct.

We work as a team at Hoffer Plastics.

There is a part of US in every piece, as we like to say.

See the difference?

Make sure the group of people you call the team do…

Next week, Dr. Cloud provides some clarity on what has to be true for hope to be real.

Please subscribe to Bald in Business so that I can send encouragement directly into your mailbox.

Every Wednesday this October, I am sharing one thought or idea from Dr. Henry Cloud. I wouldn’t be the leader I am today without Dr. Cloud’s books, teaching, and guidance from afar. This content comes from the EntreLeadership Podcast. Not only do I listen to the EL podcast every Monday morning at the gym, I strongly believe you should as well. The content is simply can’t miss material!

The Question

Every person asks a simple question before following others:

Am I safe?

Let that question sink in.

Is the environment you are creating safe for others?

Can they thrive in the environment?

Are peoples lives better?

This is the work of leadership because people matter.

Leaders, let’s do everything in our power to create safe environments this week.

Next week, WE will examine the importance of language…

Please subscribe to Bald in Business so that I can send encouragement directly into your mailbox.

Recently, I was venting about situations I am frustrated about on my Executive Coaching call. Coach John Felkins just sat there laughing because he could tell I was on a role. Then, like he always does, he brought me around by asking me the following question:

“Alex, can you change that person?”

Of course, I said “no.”

“Well, you spend a lot of energy on that.”

He was correct, I was spending a LOT of energy on that situation.

So, I will cut to the chase: What are you spending energy on that you should not be?

If you want to have an energetic Monday, or week, you cannot hand gift your best to things you cannot control. And to be someone worth following, you need energy –specifically positive energy–to thrive.

I invite you to join me. Let that situation you cannot change go. Let all the drama on T.V. go. Let go of the stop lights turning red, your favorite football team not having an offensive-line, and your five-year-old having a meltdown that would make a politician jealous –okay, maybe those are my examples, but you get the point.

Leaders, welcome to another week. Let’s lean into it, have fun with it, and spend our energy on the things we can impact.

Please subscribe to Bald in Business so that I can send encouragement directly into your mailbox.

It is 9:02 a.m. the day after one of our teammates lost their fight against cancer. Everyone handles the emotions around this kind of event differently, which is the first point of this post —leaders need to give people space to mourn in their own way —and for me, that means turning this morning to writing. What follows might not be coherent, but it flows as I type while occasionally sipping the dark, and admittedly comforting, coffee nestled in the YETI by my side.

I should have made more time with this person the last year. They did not directly report to me, nor did our job functions directly overlap, but I missed out. The next time someone is sick, I need to be more forthcoming with compassion. Maybe there was a word of encouragement that I could have offered that would have made one moment —just one —better. Maybe not. But leaders err on the side of action, always.

Scripture says to mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). Notice that it does not say to change the subject, talk about work, or something else. That’s why we (my sisters and I) are bringing in a grief counselor today and giving people space to mourn. If they need to go home, they can go home. We have to get these moments right.

This experience also reinforces my passion around 401K matching, life insurance, and every other security blanket we can offer our family members (and they are family members at Hoffer Plastics). This might make us more “costly,” and our “profit targets” harder to hit —at least that’s what consultants tell us. But, I don’t give a rip. I believe I will give an account to how I stewarded what was given to me, so I have “made my bed and am prepared to lie in it,” as the expression goes. And I thank God I have two sisters who are equally passionate on this stance! Unity on the DNA of our business makes running it together as peaceful as running a manufacturing company can be.

By the way, that last point is something the family dealing with this loss should NOT be concerned about today. As my Jewish friends have practiced for centuries, the practice of “sitting shiva” is (and should be) instructive to us in how to go about mourning with others. We should slowly process our grief together and resist the urge to move toward business matters, like benefits, until the appropriate time has passed. Going back to point number one, that time might look entirely different for different people. To be someone worth following, we have to be close enough to the mourner to know. Physical presence is required for this. We also have to give them space when space is what they want.

As insensitive as this may sound, the business has to go on, however. This may mean that the leader has to set aside their grief, for a time, and lean into certain functions of the business so that others have the margin to lean out and mourn. This may not be “fair” to the leader, but to be someone worth following, you have to be someone willing to persevere when others cannot go on. I have also seen this done in our company this week, which has made me proud of those leaders.

Finally, however, the leader must create a quiet space to mourn themselves. Without this space, the leader cannot maintain the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health they need to be someone worth following. Therefore, inward inspection is mandatory. I have at times like these gone home to take a nap and recharge when I physically am spent; I have spent time reading something that gives me perspective; or like today, even spent time writing a blog post. The point being that all these things offer me a release to gain perspective.

It is now 9:21 a.m., and probably time to do something work wise.

The unfortunate truth is that you will go through a moment like the one I am going through. My prayer is that you handle it with compassion and that you err on the side of giving people too much rather than too little.