Personal Growth

This past December, I spent some time creating a personal development plan. In it, I clarified my leadership themes for the upcoming year and identified the books and podcasts I plan to explore. 

Today, I’ll share those themes with you. I hope reading my themes will encourage you to develop your own, clarify your intentions, and focus on the right things.

Here are my leadership themes for 2025: 

I am practicing a slowed-down spirituality.

Reflecting on how I led others in 2024, I realized I was often in a hurry. And I realized this wasn’t a good way to share Jesus’s love in my leadership. After all, Jesus was never in a hurry. No Scripture states that Jesus “ran” to the next obligation. Rather, Jesus walked, prayed, and spent time in solitude. 

Regardless of what you believe about Jesus, his life exemplifies how one stays present in the moment and how one should interact with people lovingly. This, of course, oversimplifies the Gospels, but you get the point. 

I am a better person when I practice a slowed-down spirituality. This starts with my morning Bible reading, extends to a mid-day five minutes of stopping and being in solitude, and finishes with a devotional reading, gratitude journal, and an evening prayer with Sarah. 

Certainly, there’s plenty of chaos between work, kid’s activities, and all the other things that come with being a husband, father, friend, and co-CEO. But sticking to this discipline has helped me slow down and remember the most important reality of life: I am not God. Therefore, I must look vertically to Him and find my energy, wisdom, and everything else I need from Him. 

I am leading with optimism and a growth mindset. 

Reflecting on the final month of 2024, I realized I was starting to have a fixed mindset toward others—a belief that people cannot change. A growth mindset, on the other hand, recognizes that people can grow and change. As a leader, it is my job to grow people. Therefore, I must embrace this role and make it my top priority. 

In other words, December’s frustrating results were ultimately the result of my leadership. Not only do I have to grow as a leader, but I also have to help others on that journey. 

To do this and lead with optimism, I am primarily focusing my personal growth studies on optimistic leaders. I will also read about many people I admire: the books by Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln are already in the queue. I am also paying attention to the Founders podcast I mentioned in December to learn from entrepreneurs. 

I am doing the best that I can do. 

Last May, our executive team underwent a multi-session Enneagram training, during which I learned I was an Enneagram Type 1. As such, I am extremely hard on myself. I have an “inner-self critic” that loudly voices all my shortcomings in my head. 

Sarah and I were watching an old season of The Amazing Race with our kids last fall when I saw the phrase “I am doing the best that I can do” in action. (Retroactive spoiler alert!) In Season 33, Penn and Kim Holderness win the race. At some point along the way, Kim talks about her anxiety and how when it strikes, she reminds herself that she is “doing the best she can do.”  Her vulnerability was both inspiring and instructive. 

Since then, I have turned this phrase into a question: Am I doing the best that I can do? Often, the answer is yes. When it is, I tell that inner critic to be quiet. When the answer is no, I regroup and ensure I start doing the best I can. After all, this is all any of us can do. 

Time is limited; I am “living like I am dying.” 

In late 2024, I found myself overwhelmed by memories of Christmas celebrations with my grandparents, all four of whom have passed away. As I watch my own children growing up so quickly, these memories have taken on new meaning. They’ve awakened in me a profound realization: our time is precious and limited.  Like the Tim McGraw song, I want to live like I am dying. To me, this equates to embracing each day fully, living with intention and presence, and knowing that every moment is a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

While I want to be grateful for the past and optimistic about the future, I also want to soak up every moment of today. 

Clarifying my themes for 2025 has already been a massive help for me starting the year well. What does 2025 hold for you? I encourage you to take the time to clarify your themes! 

Instead of writing one last blog post to wrap up the year, I am doing something different. In an attempt to provide value to you, the reader, I am going to share some of the most valuable resources I have utilized this past year:

Three Business/Leadership Books Worth Reading  

I read (or listen to) a lot of books throughout the year. While there are several honorable mentions, the three books listed below are so far ahead of the rest that they deserve special mention. You would do well by focusing on these three books in 2025.

1. Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish: “Few things will change your trajectory in life or business as much as learning to think clearly. Yet few of us recognize opportunities to think in the first place.”  

2. Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidera: “The must-read New York Times bestseller that’s redefining hospitality and inspiring readers in every industry. “  

3. From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks: “The roadmap for finding purpose, meaning, and success as we age, from a bestselling author, Harvard professor, and the Atlantic’s happiness columnist.”

Two Podcasts Worth Listening To 

I have an on-again, off-again relationship with podcasts. It’s sort of like George Costanza’s “It’s not you, it’s me” because I am commitment-challenged with podcasts. With that caveat, here are my latest crushes:

• The Rest is History: Hosts Tom Holland and Dominic Sandbrook are engaging and fun and allow for differences in opinion. I started with a series on how the Nazis came to power, then did one on the Kennedy assassination, and another on 1968 America. All were phenomenal. 

• Founders: Shout out to Dr. Brian Hollett for this recommendation. The Founders is an extremely efficient and engaging way to learn from history’s greatest entrepreneurs. I have only listened to a couple so far, but this will be a staple in my podcast rotation. 

One Historical Subject Worth Studying 

I’ve always been interested in Napoleon, but my fascination with him deepened this year after two events: discovering my ancestral connection to Andreas Hofer (whom Napoleon executed, according to my great-grandfather’s 1920s writings) and an inspiring October trip to Paris. 

While there are countless excellent resources on Napoleon, including many podcasts and books (I’m currently 600 pages into Andrew Roberts’ biography), the most compelling reason to study Napoleon is his fundamental role in shaping modern Europe. Without understanding Napoleon’s impact, it’s impossible to grasp how today’s European institutions, legal systems, and national boundaries came to be. 

And a Few Final Lessons to Cap the Year

I began this post by jotting down several lessons I’ve learned but have since trimmed my list to these final three: 

1. Prioritize what matters. I wrote about this a lot in the fall, most notably in my 10/14 post about rediscovering my priorities.   
2. Embrace rest, solitude, and Sabbath. Pastor Pete Scazzero often teaches on The Emotionally Healthy Leader Podcast that “you cannot give what you do not possess.” It is only out of our abundance that we can give to others. Therefore, rest/solitude/sabbath (all three!) are vital to a healthy leader. I am at my best when embracing my limits so that I can rest, be in solitude, and observe the Sabbath.  
3. Don’t presume you have extended or limited time left.  Pastor John Piper made this point in episode 2096 of the Ask Pastor John podcast, and it really stood out to me. I presume I have decades left because the odds are on my side — for now! But there are no guarantees. Therefore, I need to soak up every second I have left. (And as Piper points out, the same can be said for someone in their 80s. They presume they don’t have decades left, but how do they know?). Simply put, human beings do not have control over their days. 

Come back in January, when I’ll share the leadership tool that had the most significant impact on my work during 2024. Until then, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year. 

I invested a lot of time and money in my golf game over the winter months. Not satisfied with how last year went, I hired a new teacher late in 2023. Two things made it a sacrifice: He is one of the top teachers in the area and commands a lot of money for that expertise, and he is about a one-hour drive from my house. Both forced me to really commit to the process. 

In February, I traveled to Florida and played in a one-day event — the second time in 2024 I was hitting off real grass. And I’m not going to lie — it was absolutely brutal. I carded the highest score I’ve had in years. Even my handicap app was worried, popping up with the notification, “This is outside the norm of what you typically log. Are you sure you want to proceed?”  

The following day, at 3 a.m., I concluded that I should just “retire” from semi-competitive golf. Forget those few club tournaments I play in; I thought I should just play golf for “fun.” 

Later that morning, I started praying about it because that’s what I do in these situations. I believe that God cares more about the person I am becoming than what I do. So I sought him — and what follows are the lessons I learned.

The Price of Not Playing

First, I came to understand that I’ll one day retire from golf. That is inevitable, period. Bottom line. But doing so today is not free. While competition always exposes what’s going on inside — emotions such as anxiety, stress, and even shame — not playing may bring about something even darker. What might that be? 

Regret. 

Let me say that again. While I don’t need to play golf as part of who I am, if I don’t play it competitively at this point of my life — as a way to help reduce my stress and anxiety — I see this as a cop-out for me. 

And I would regret it later. 

How do I know this? 

I know this because, if I’m really honest, I didn’t play golf in college because I was scared. 

I was afraid to fail publicly. 

I was afraid that I’d never make the Purdue golf team. 

I was afraid that I’d never be the kind of golfer my goals demanded.

I’ve battled this regret for twenty years. And while it might not be the kind of regret that makes me seek professional help, it still lurks in the background.  

As the years have passed, I have come to understand that the battle is where the growth comes. And playing golf — both the actual playing of the game and how it makes me feel — helps me grow. 

Staying in the Battle

So, I am remaining in the battle. 

I’m prepared to struggle, fight, and fail. 

I’m prepared to dance with my inner demons if and when the yips enter my chipping game. 

I’m prepared to wrestle the inner voice that shames me when I three-putt a green. 

I’m prepared to speak truth to the shame that can overcome me when I compare myself to my dad’s incredible golf game. He has never pressured me, so why do I allow that shame a moment in my heart? 

You may not play golf, but there is a battle you are facing. 

Friend, I’m bearing my soul here so you know you are not alone. 

Almost every leader I know has fears and anxiety and has to wrestle with the demon of shame. And let’s be clear that it is a demon! 

I encourage you to find your identity in the truth. My North Star is now, and forever, Jesus, and there is no shame with him. 

So, I am going to soldier on. 

I am going to show up. 

And when I fail — when I am tempted to give up and cannot sleep — I will remember that this is where the growth happens. 

And one day, I will succeed because of this growth. 

Until I do…

And until you do…

Let’s keep going. 

Despite my best efforts to sleep more this year, I have struggled. Some of you reached out after I posted about sleep in February, so I want to encourage you: If you are struggling to sleep this year, know that you are not alone. 

I am struggling, too. 

The next time you are lying awake at 3 a.m. I encourage you to ask what not sleeping makes possible. While there are many answers, I will propose three areas to check in on as a leader. This list is not exhaustive. These three things have challenged me lately, and I am including them in this blog. 

Start With Your Focus on Self 

One night, when I could not sleep, I realized that I can sometimes be self-centered. Like tartar finding its way to my teeth, this can sneak up on me. And despite my best efforts to brush it off, I can’t fix it by myself — if I even try, it only makes me more self-focused. So, I enlist the help of my dentist to help me get rid of the plaque and bacteria trying to make their home in my mouth.

Similarly, I sometimes notice little sins, slights, and indiscretions sneak up on my soul. And when I notice this, I use those sleepless nights to build my trust in Jesus. I know this may not be where you turn, but turning toward Jesus allows me to remember who I belong to and whose care I am in. 

Continue to Examine Your Self-Worth 

On another occasion, I was lying in bed, questioning my self-worth. I’m no good at anything, I thought. To be fair, the day before, I’d played in a semi-competitive golf tournament and had failed miserably, shooting my worst score in three years.

Isn’t it amazing how failures can keep you up at 3 a.m.? 

The next day, I was reading Dallas Willard’s A Life Without Lack and something he said really resonated with me. To paraphrase it here, Willard claimed he never met someone who thought too highly of themselves because, if Jesus really died for us, how could we possibly think as highly about ourselves as Jesus did? 

This blew my mind. After all, I was (just the night before) thinking about how much of a loser I was at golf. I was frustrated, discouraged, and on the brink of giving up. 

I wish I could say I never think about myself this way in other areas of my life, but that isn’t true. And leaders need to remember that negative self-worth beliefs are like weeds: Give them an inch, and they’ll take over your entire yard! 

In my mind, a life without lack is one where my first thoughts aren’t about my ability but about God and what He thinks of me. It is necessary work — and it is work filling my mind with what He says about me. These aren’t made up sayings. They are truths scribed into the Bible that have stood the test of time. 

The Bible never promised me I’d be a scratch golfer. But it contains promises so profound and true that they can help me avoid scratching myself in the process of that, or any, pursuit. 

These promises apply to you as well. 

No amount of self-flogging will turn you into a better leader or person. 

So, like me, knock it off. 

Finish With Prayer and Thanksgiving 

The final thing I have come to do in the middle of the night is the most profound. Instead of sulking about yesterday’s failures, I turn my thoughts to everything I am thankful for. 

Admittedly, this is the last thing you will probably feel like doing in the middle of the night. But your resistance to it might be a good indicator that it is precisely what you should pursue. 

When I don’t feel like giving thanks, I play a corny game in my head that I call “Thank you therapy.” All this entails is listing the first ten things that come to mind that I’m thankful for. After I reach ten, I stop, breathe, and check in to see if I feel different. And if I don’t, I do ten more. 

Whether you realize it or not, thank you therapy helps you stop obsessing about yourself, the things that happened yesterday, and whatever tomorrow brings. It reorients your focus from victimhood to gratitude. 

Finally, I also pray for people in the middle of the night. This is especially true when I have friends (and readers of this blog!) traveling to places like Dubai. I pray the prayer requests these people sent me while I cannot sleep because the time difference means they are up and moving wherever they are! 

A Concluding Thought 

Not sleeping is frustrating and never ideal. But you can get real with yourself in the middle of the night. It’s a time to remember who you are and what you’re grateful for. 

One of the most formative days of my life came on the first Monday in January 2008. 

The year prior was supposed to be — and in many ways still is — the best year of my life. I got married. Sarah and I went on an amazing honeymoon to Hawaii. We moved into a beautiful suburban home. We were launching into life. 

Yet, that year was also the year my grandfather died in February, and I came back to the post-honeymoon reality that I didn’t have a full-time job. Until that point in my life, I’d always believed that hard work was rewarded. To that end, I’d earned an undergraduate degree from Purdue University and completed all of my coursework for a Masters in Education from DePaul University except one final course. This course — a capstone course whose only requirement was a full-time teaching job — was all that stood between me and the degree. And as our moving truck headed to the suburbs, I thought that finding this job would be a no-brainer given my relationships and the 3.99 GPA I’d earned in my coursework. 

I was wrong. 

Questioning Everything About My Life

Not only did I NOT land a full-time teaching job, but I also had to unroll from the capstone class because “substitute teaching” didn’t meet the full-time teaching requirement. And to make things worse, the only work I DID get was substituting in the district where I grew up. There I was —my fancy college education in tow — walking back into the high school I’d proudly left just six-and-a-half years prior. 

While I didn’t voice this out loud back then, I must humbly confess that I felt like a loser. Note: All these years later, the more mature me realizes that there was a LOT of dignity in the work I was doing. But I was blind to that reality then. I’m being brutally honest about how I felt then, not what I think now. This clarification is important because I now realize how much value substitute teachers bring to the education system. More on that below. 

As Sarah has recalled, in years since, I spent many nights that fall questioning everything about my life. I was angry at God for not providing the job I wanted, depressed over my inability to “pull myself up by my bootstraps,” jealous of my wife’s full-time teaching job, and nursing my broken pride over the fact that my wife was the “breadwinner” in our household. 

Returning from Holiday Break

At this point, you may wonder what the first Monday in January has to do with this story.

At least in the US, the first Monday after a big holiday break is a day when teachers are virtually mandated to be at their school. Barring some kind of crisis, the expectation is that they are supposed to be there. 

And this year, on that first Monday after the holiday break, I had no work. 

My wife got up, got ready, and left. 

I got up, sat alone, and wept. 

Ok, so I didn’t weep first. First, I took a walk. It was a cloudy Chicago day. It was about 40 degrees out, there was no snow on the ground, and it was dark. It was the exact kind of weather a movie director would call for had they been filming my first day in January. 

As I walked through our neighborhood, the puzzle pieces of the previous year started coming together. All the emotions I’d felt began bubbling to the surface. I know this will make me sound crazy, but I started talking out loud to God. Before long, I started arguing. As I unleashed my pent-up frustration, depression, and anger, I didn’t feel much in return. I didn’t hear “God’s voice” or anything like that. 

I simply heard silence. 

But it wasn’t a lonely silence, but an oddly comforting silence.

That’s when the tears came. And I am brave enough to own it. 

As I pulled myself together, a few things crystallized in my mind. But before I share them with you, let me explain why I am telling you all this on the first day of January 2024. 

I know a few things.

I know that the last few years have been hard for most people reading this blog. 

I know that some people who read this blog are leaders of businesses that have not met expectations.

I know that almost everyone’s life is harder and more complex than just a few years ago. 

Therefore, as we enter a New Year, why don’t we start with perspective and hope? My invitation is to lean in right now and let these lessons saturate your soul. 

What I Learned

Here is what I learned: 

First and foremost, I learned that work is always dignified. Oddly, it was on that fateful Monday morning when I was walking through our neighborhood that I realized the work I’d been doing as a substitute teacher was holy. Yes, holy. It mattered to the teachers I was substituting for and the administrators. It mattered to the kids (well, at least a few of them!), and it certainly mattered to their parents. This moment shaped my view that as a leader, I need to remind every person on our team that they matter, and so does their work. I am deeply passionate about this because the first person I had to remind of this reality was myself.  

Second, I learned that every Monday matters. Every one of them, but especially that first Monday in January. I promised back then that I would always go back to work on the first Monday in January with renewed hope, passion, and perspective. Thank you, Lord, for the work I have to do! It is thank-God-I-have-a-job-Monday. Amen! 

And last, I learned that God‘s purposes for my life are deeper and greater than my current circumstances. All I wanted during that time of my life was for someone to hit the easy button for me so that I could land a teaching job and realize the plans I’d made for my life. While this pursuit was meaningful, I learned several months later that God was calling me elsewhere. These were not my plans, nor were they Sarah’s. They were His.  

That year — 2008 — wasn’t an easy one. It was a year of opportunity, meaning everything was disguised as hard work! But, it was work. And with the help of mentors, one of them who reads every one of these posts, I launched into a different life at Hoffer Plastics. 

The Gift of the First Monday in the New Year

It is once again the first work Monday of January. 

What a gift! 

May God bless you and yours this next year. 

Thank God we have work to do! 

Earlier this fall, I had an interesting thought: What would I stop doing if I retired at the start of 2024? The idea behind this thought was that there may be things I could stop doing at the beginning of next year even though I’m not yet retiring! 

Like many of my thoughts, however, this thought soon began to morph into deeper territory. What do I really think about retiring? Besides those things I would stop doing, what things would I continue doing? Would identifying those things help me gain perspective that I’m on the right path? (Spoiler alert: it did.)  And finally, what would I start doing? 

A Work in Progress

This is admittedly a work in progress — and for the sake of brevity, I’m not sharing everything. But I’m sharing some of my thoughts because my hunch is that this exercise will be helpful to you as well, regardless of where you are in your career. 

Also, let me clarify: When I’m talking about retirement, I use that word in the traditional American way — the thought of stopping my current role/ work. In a sense, I think of it more as a transition in that I would likely transition from one role to another versus stopping work altogether. In other words, when I say “retirement,” I mean that I am no longer doing my current work. 

So what’s next? What would I stop, start, and continue?   

Stop

What would I stop doing? 

• I would stop interacting with my professional work email.
• I would delete 98% of my personal emails without ever opening them.  
• I would stop getting up before 7 AM. 
• I would stop keeping an office at Hoffer Plastics. Instead, I would come in and use one of the remote workstations. 
• I would stop keeping a planned schedule, which means that my activity would be run much more by the Holy Spirit than the weekly planner I currently use! 

Start

What would I start doing? 

• I would take a cooking class with my wife (with a focus on grilling.) 
• I would start making time for longer walks in nature. 
• I would start spending time with young leaders, asking questions, and focusing on how to build them up. 
• I would start walking the golf course more with a caddy to slow down on the golf course.
• I would start taking the time to build into a younger person while playing golf. 
• I would start allotting an hour of the morning to slowly read a physical book. Doing this multiple times a week would greatly impact my life. 
• I would start popping into my local church with the primary focus on building the young leaders there. How can I encourage them? How can I support or help them? 
• I would start being the “supporting cast” and not the “lead” in all areas of my life. As the above indicates, I want to support, build, and encourage. 

Continue

What would I continue to do? 

• I would continue to focus my travel on spending time with Sarah. 
• I would continue to read my Bible first thing each morning. 
• I would continue to pray nightly with my wife. 
• I would continue to work out a minimum of four days a week. 
• I would continue to meet with an accountability partner two times a month. 
• I would continue to listen to leadership podcasts.  
• I would continue to read content that would help me learn. 
• I would continue to play golf — the same amount in summer, more in winter!  
• I would continue to write this blog. 
• I would continue to travel and visit business relationships when invited/needed to.

What I Learned

What did this process teach me? 

• I need to create more limits around screen time, given that much of what I’d eliminate is related to email. 
• There are easy things I can incorporate in 2024 that would positively impact my life. For example, I can make time now to meet with younger leaders to encourage them. I can also start slowing down by walking on the golf course instead of always riding in a golf cart. Come to think of it, I need to invest more time in walks outside in general, as that emerged as a theme. 
• Finally, there are many things I am currently doing that I would continue to do. I should celebrate this. 

Your Turn

Now it’s your turn! I urge you to spend some time this week going through this exercise. I think you’ll find that it will help you reap positive benefits going into 2024. 

Yesterday, I had a frank conversation with our new VP of Operations, where I asked him to provide me with honest feedback — and he delivered. And even though his feedback nudges me outside of my comfort zone, it’s the only thing that will help me become a better person, leader, and even golfer! 

I believe we must be willing to be uncomfortable to truly improve — we have to be willing to actively ask for and receive feedback. And my goal in sharing the feedback I received is to challenge you, the reader, to also step into your discomfort zone so you, too, can improve.  

Example 1: Work and Leadership 

I’m blessed to be developing a deep relationship with our new VP of Operations — we speak to each other openly and with vulnerability, and the honesty in our meetings is refreshing. With that in mind, I felt comfortable asking him to point out my blind spots — what do people perceive about me that I don’t know about myself? And while my ego would rather not share his feedback, I’m stepping outside my comfort zone in the spirit of vulnerability and growth.

1. I may not be as approachable as I thought: Our VP shared that the people on our production floor recognized that I was very visible and on the floor daily. But outside of the day shift, he noticed that some of our workers were intimidated to talk to me. Others would talk to me but only tell me what they thought I wanted to hear. He shared, “This probably isn’t fair to you because I can see you’re trying to be approachable, but you probably need to go the extra mile in seeking their input.”
   
2. I should be firmer in my expectations: My VP’s feedback was that he noticed I could be direct in meetings and then would try to be nice afterward, which could come across as “inauthentic.” This was tough to hear, as authenticity is my goal! He suggested that “…sometimes the team needs to see you are upset. Be respectful, but be direct.” This feedback was a helpful reminder that one of my blind spots is seeking the approval of others, which is why being direct without trying to “soften the blow” can be challenging for me. 
   
3. I should give feedback directly to the source: He clarified that he also struggled with this, given that we have nine production plants. For me, he suggested I give plant appearance feedback directly to the specific plant manager rather than lumping my observations into a more general message all plant managers receive. 

Example 2: Golf Lesson 

The evening after my feedback meeting with the VP of Operations, I was taking a golf lesson with a new instructor. This was my second lesson as I attempt to improve my golf game after plateauing at a six handicap for the last few years. After seeing me hit a few shots and filming my swing, my instructor (someone who I specifically sought out due to his status as a “top 100 teacher”) asked me, “How open are you to change?” I responded, “That’s why I’m here.” 

He told me I was doing things well, considering I am a six handicap. However, he can see why I have plateaued. What was wrong? 

1. My right-hand grip was too weak.
   
2. My upper body turn was “nonexistent.” He asked, “Do you work out or do cardio?” I replied that I have been working out with a golf-specific trainer for two-plus years. He said, “Well, I can see you are strong. But you aren’t incorporating mobility into your swing—it’s nonexistent.”
   
3. Finally, he pointed out how my right knee sometimes flares out on my backswing. I told him a former golf pro I’d played with had also pointed that out and told me I couldn’t be good until I fixed that.
   
   “Well, they’re right,” he said.  

OUCH. 

Alone with My Thoughts

This instructor is so booked that his lessons only run 30 minutes, so it wasn’t long before I was driving back home alone with my thoughts. 

Is this even worth it, I wondered? 

“No wonder I suck at golf!” was what I blurted out getting back on the highway. 

And even deeper in the recesses of my heart, a faint whisper said, “…And you aren’t that good at work either.” 

The Next Day

I woke up the day after my lesson and my first thought was a personal declaration: 

I am open to feedback, and I want to get better. 

Frankly, the work feedback was much easier to hear than the golf feedback. 

But — and here is the kicker — in the deep recesses of my heart, I know that both the work and golf feedback were accurate. 

Discomfort is Unavoidable

If my goal is to get better, I cannot (and should not) avoid discomfort.

For example, writing this post is uncomfortable, but I find value in documenting the process — and I am inviting you to join — IF you want to improve. 

If you don’t…you don’t have to be open to feedback. 

If you do…welcome to discomfort. 

Welcome to the pursuit of improvement. 

Earlier this fall, I took a golf trip with a few friends, and I learned a few things in the process. In the spirit of sharing (and giving thanks!), I’m going to share those lessons here; perhaps there’s something that will resonate with you.

Be thankful for the time you have with those you care for: We planned our trip more than a year in advance due to the business of our collective schedules. There was definitely a spirit of thankfulness throughout.  

I don’t need to schedule every day: My friends have a carefree nature about them that I admire. Their relaxed nature was striking to me. There’s something to be said for taking the day as it comes. Ask yourself, when was the last time you had an unscheduled day?  

Slow down: Similar to the last lesson, I noticed how hurried I am as a type-A leader. I always have things to accomplish and don’t want to waste time. On this trip, I learned, however, that it’s good to take the time to stand on the tee and enjoy the sights (insert a picture of the golf course)  

Admire nature: Speaking of enjoying the sights, our trip coincided with the start of fall foliage. On the morning of our departure, I stood outside and simply admired the changing season. 

Feel feelings: I say what I am about to say with absolutely no judgment because I realize every person is on their own journey. During our trip, one of my friends was experiencing grief—and he admitted that he hadn’t yet felt the sadness. My prayer for him is that he does. Feeling our feelings is the first step to healing. 

Keep your eye on the hole: After a season of putting frustration, I started looking at the hole while putting on this trip. The ball started rolling in a way I hadn’t seen in years. I could write an entire post on this, but I will sum it up this way: Sometimes, you have to get out of your own way mentally, trust your ability, and let it roll.  

Home is where the heart is: Throughout the trip, I just wanted to go home. And I realize that saying this may offend my buddies! To be clear, I love them — I really do. I just love being home with the people who are there. The trip would have been complete if Sarah and the kids had been with us. Since they weren’t, my heart was at home. 

A Final Note of Thanksgiving

Certainly, I had a lot of fun on my trip — it’s something I will be thankful for in the future because there are no guarantees that I’ll be able to take another trip with that group. There are no guarantees in life. 

To that end, I want to close with a somber note. As I think about Thanksgiving 2023, I want to publicly say how thankful I am for John Myrna’s impact on my life. He was a subscriber to this blog, a friend, and a coach of mine. John passed away back in September, and he is someone I will miss. In fact, his love for his wife and family is something I will think about this week as I break bread with my loved ones. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all who are reading this post! 

You get to decide this week which glasses you want to put on — your Negative Glasses or your Gratitude Glasses. But before you choose, let me tell you a little bit more about the unique selling points (and potential pitfalls!) of each of these products: 

Negative Glasses

Product features: These frames help you see everything in the worst possible way. 

Potential side effects: Cynicism, hopelessness, negativity, pessimism, fatigue, stress, and anger. 

Gratitude Glasses Product Features

Product features: These frames help you see everything in the best possible way. You see provision when it rains, wonder when it snows, and bountifulness in the summer. 

Potential side effects: optimism, positivity, energy, peacefulness, joy, and possibly annoying grumpy people.

Your Perspective, Your Choice

Is the sun shining? 

Or is everything bleak? 

It’s your decision. 

You make your choice. 

Stop defining yourself by what you think you aren’t. 

Start defining yourself by who God says you are. 

Scripture says: 

• “So God created mankind in his own image…” (Genesis 1:27) 

• “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..” (Psalm 139:14)

• “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

• You are utterly secure in God; “neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39) 

How Will You Define Yourself?

Here is the deal:

You can define yourself by what you think, what the world thinks, or in a lot of other ways. 

Or you can redefine yourself with what scripture says. 

Your identity. 

Your choice. 

Just make a decision.