Personal Growth

I have been using COVID-19 to make observations about myself in an attempt to grow as a leader and I encourage you to do the same. Today’s post originates from one such observation.

I have noticed that I am constantly “doing” multiple things at the same time. Many, if not most, of these things are good things. For example, I regularly listen to an audio book while I stretch at night. While others, like checking work email while my kids are talking to me, are not so good.

There are many problems with multitasking, but here is one that is not often discussed. In the pursuit of doing more and multitasking, I am training myself to never be fully present.

How do you know if you have this problem? Here are some things to notice:

• Do you regularly check your phone while doing another activity (hobby or watching T.V. Etc.)?
• Can you recall checking email while someone was talking to you? Or, when your co- worker was ranting about something on ZOOM?
• If you set a five-minute timer on your phone, can you easily sit still and be quiet?

Coming into this crisis, I would have answered my own quiz this way:

Yes. Yes. No.

In their 2019 book, The Passion Paradox, authors Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness discuss the illusion of balance as it relates to our passion. In that conversation, however, they make a striking point about attention, “what gets our attention BECOMES important” (emphasis mine). While their point has to do with passion and how we should give our passion more attention, this statement applies to so much more than passion.

Here is how it applies to multitasking and today’s topic:

What, or who, are you really giving attention to when you are multitasking?

If I am honest, I am quasi giving attention to both things which means I am successfully giving full attention to NEITHER. I can live with this when my attention is divided between my audio book and stretching, but what about when it is between my work email and colleague talking on ZOOM? Or worse, when it is between work email and my 8-year-old son?

Here is the takeaway to think about for the next week:

We need to give FULL attention now to things that are important. Then what gets our attention will become important.

Full attention takes discipline and intentionality. It also takes sacrifice. You will get less done.

But by living a fully attentive life you will give attention to what you value, and not to what you don’t.

If this time has taught us anything, I hope it is that we should give MORE attention to the things we value.

I sense that most people are experiencing some fatigue these days. This is uncharted territory that we are in. I mean, who would have thought Tom Brady would choose the Bucs?

The Bucs!

Ok, I meant the other thing.

I don’t want you to burn anymore brain calories reading this blog so I am going to list things I am doing to cope with this mess. I am sharing to spur on your imagination to consider what you can do to cope with this crisis.

• Overarching theme: This is a season. I am viewing it as such. This means I am giving myself grace and extending as much grace as I can to others.
• Overarching theme 2.0: Because this is a season, I am changing things rapidly to stay fresh. If something works today, but not tomorrow, change teams like Lebron James!
• Overarching theme 3.0: Just kidding, enough.

Here we go…

Health

• I am exercising the same or more with more focus on flexibility and mobility.
• I am measuring the amount of coffee I am drinking at home so I don’t drink 2.5 pots. A Venti or less per day in my aim.
• Red wine with Sarah is just about mandatory. I am sorry Jenny Craig, but I am not measuring my wine. I will use common sense, however, and listen to my wife!
• I recommend listing to your spouse all the time, not just during a pandemic.
• I drink a minimum of two large Nalgene water bottles through the day – think I am type A?
• I nap during business hours. Ok, this is only my dream world. But, naps on weekends are mandatory. Wait a minute, nothing is mandatory per my themes above.
• I am journaling when I feel like it. My prompts are: What am I mad about, sad about, anxious about, glad about?
• I am eating a small piece of the darkest chocolate available after dinner. Savor it! This advised somewhere in the book of Leviticus. Really!
• I am limiting news.
• I am not feeling guilty the days I do not limit the news.
• Re-adjusting and limiting the next day. News fatigue makes me feel like I just shot 109 for 9 holes.
• I am listening to music and sports radio in the car (as opposed to audio books and podcasts).
• I am taking long bike rides when the weather allows.

Work

• I am slowing down my reading. Less is more.
• I am going all Nancy Reagan on 95% of webinar invites (i.e. “just saying no.”)
• I am immediately deleting any email with the phrases like, “do you have 10 minutes to spare” or “can you direct me to the appropriate person that can…” This usually leads to some journaling about one of the questions listed above.
• I am writing notes of encouragement. You, the BIB reader, might get one. This has been awesome and life-giving.
• I am identifying exactly what I need to do in my calendar (less is more again). Next step is hugely important…
• I am leaving LARGE chunks of time open or unscheduled for whatever comes up regarding this crisis. Leaders must maintain margin right now.
• I walk our production floor every day I am physically at the office. This is life-giving.
• When someone comes to my mind work wise, I send them a note, text, or email.
• I have asked customers and friends these simple questions, “How are you doing? What can I be praying for?” “How is your family doing? Is there anything I can help you with?”

Misc.:

• I have carved out 5 minutes for silence and prayer prior to lunch each day.
• I am continuing in my morning Bible reading, prayer, and prayer time with Sarah in the evenings.
• I am driving home occasionally in silence.
• I am using noise cancelling headphones a lot at when working at home (3 kids!).
• I am talking with Sarah about our mutual schedules and expectations. We are communicating, not assuming.
• I am watching every second of “The Last Dance.”
• I am keeping T.V. habits to pre-pandemic levels.
• I am keeping social media habits to pre-pandemic levels (iPhone users: Go to SETTINGS, SCREEN TIME, APP LIMITS, and you can set your limit on any app on your phone. My Facebook, Instagram, Twitter is set to 13 minutes per day. I know that is a random figure. I started at 20 minutes and have been working down. I don’t feel guilty with 13 minutes while 33 minutes makes me feel like I shot 109 for 9 holes again.
• I intend to give myself more grace when I do play golf again…
• I am also allowing myself to mourn, be sad, and feel emotions during this.
• It is also okay to laugh when something is funny. You have my permission, not that you needed it.

I hope the lists above spurs ideas for healthy coping mechanisms.

A year ago, my Executive Coach challenged me to read Pete Scazzero’s “The Emotionally Healthy Leader.” It entirely rocked my world, and challenged me to get in touch with my feelings.

I know. I feel like I need to do something manly after writing that last statement – maybe some push-ups or something? But let’s face it: Leaders need to deal with their feelings or deal with the repercussions of their feelings dealing them a blow.

Since reading his book, I have begun listening to Pete Scazzero’s weekly podcast, and will be slow reading (i.e. taking my sweet time) his “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” best-seller.

Enough background, but what I am about to share is directly from Pete Scazzero. He calls this “the gift of exploring the iceberg.”

Here is the ONE thing to help with Emotional Health:

Journal (hand write answers) to the following questions:

1. What are you mad about?
2. What are you sad about?
3. What are you anxious about?
4. What are you glad about?

Join me in repeating this exercise daily through the COVID-19 crisis.

Enough reading my thoughts. Use this time to get real with yourself and how you feel.

Do some pushups if you have to as well.

If you have opened this blog post up, I would encourage you to stop reading it. In fact, set aside the next 30 minutes, or 30 minutes sometime today, to just be still and silent.

Some of you are rolling your eyes, and that is fine.

But as leaders, we need to be still and quiet in order to collect our thoughts on what is happening.

We need to time to think and gain perspective.

This is true when things are flourishing, and even more so when things are not.

Some prompts to think about:

What does this experience make possible?

Who do I need to connect with?

How do I feel?

Am I angry, frustrated, or sad?

What am I (still) thankful for?

What support do I need?

What’s the next best thing I need to do?

30 minutes…

Depending on where you live, winter can be a difficult time to stay energetic and motivated. Cloudy days and cold temperatures can leave people feeling lethargic and unmotivated.

After a week long trip to Europe in January, I found myself struggling with all the things mentioned above. I simply was not on my “A” game. But then I remembered how John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach, would start every season teaching his team how to tie their shoes properly to avoid injury. He did this because discipline is elementary, and discipline matters to performance.

Elementary school also works best when lessons are repeated frequently. The alphabet, multiplication tables, and just about every kind of elementary learning are repeated until they take root in our early years. Somewhere along the educational journey, however, a mindset shift occurs and repetition no longer seems necessary.

When I found myself in the rut mentioned above, I was saved by an appointment on my calendar entitled “weekly review.” This 30-minute time is there for me to review the following:

1. My goals for 2020
2. My personal Key Results Area (KRA)
3. My Rule of Life
4. My next week (I outline tasks, declare what my top 3 objectives are, and sharpen focus around them)

There is not a week that goes by where I feel like I have adequate time to do this. Yet, I have come to discover that in actuality, I don’t have time NOT to do this. For, it always reorients me back to what matters.

My encouragement to you this week is to identify what disciplines you need to review on a weekly basis. Schedule these because they will not happen otherwise. And don’t fret about how elementary they feel because discipline starts with the basics.

One of our team members was recently promoted to a leadership role. In a meeting explaining the role he was going to take on he said, “I like doing all the crap that nobody likes to do. That’s why I have always had a job.”

Want a promotion?

Do the work no one else wants to do.

Do it well.

Repeat.

It is that simple.

My Executive Coach recently presented me with a business opportunity:

He said:

“You have $2,000.

I have $50.00.

Do you want to trade?”

Of course I don’t, I replied.

“Then stop spending so much time on email, and other $50 tasks. You are a leader, and should be spending your time doing $2,000 tasks.”

Message received.

To be someone worth following, you must get from behind the computer, or cell-phone, and into the trenches.

One-on-one human relationships are still the currency of leadership.

Spend your time, therefore, wisely.

Don’t miss the next post where I share how I have made a game out of time-management. Discover how to win at time management (and stop feeling guilty).

Defined broadly, health encompasses the body, the mind, the soul, and even the emotions. To be someone worth following, you need to maintain quality overall health. This means all of the above.

While I have definitive strategies around what I do to keep the body, the soul, and even the emotions, healthy; today’s post is about the mind. People generally gravitate to people that are upbeat, active, positive, and encouraging. On the other hand, people tend to shy away from those who are self-absorbed, in denial, and angry. So in today’s post, I want to highlight three areas that impact the mind’s health:

Anxiety

Community

Sleep

The first area of focus, anxiety, is cancerous to your psyche. Everyone I know knows this, yet the ironic thing about anxiety is that telling yourself to be less anxious is the easiest easy way to become more anxious. So, what do you do?

I have discovered that writing things down reduces anxiety. Because of this, I use Michael Hyatt’s Full Focus Planner, and the Apple Notes app on my phone. I then write everything that comes to mind down. It sounds too simple, and it is really is. The mere act of writing things down gets things off the mind on the (or a) to-do list. While writing everything down definitely helps, however, it does not resolve anxiety entirely.

I am also an unashamed pray-er. I’ll even pray for you if you send me a message, and that isn’t a token gesture. I write the prayer requests down as well (both mine and yours!) and spend time praying over them each morning and evening. To do this, I use a simple acronym “CHAT” where I confess, honor God with attributes, ask – this is where the list comes handy – and give thanks for what has occurred. This process reduces anxiety by helping me get outside myself and my own needs. This is still true, even though I am spending a portion of my time praying for me because even then I am asking for help. Even if you dismiss prayer’s supernatural component, I challenge you to practice some version of the acronym above that forces you to get outside of self.

Second, the next thing I do to counter anxiety is actually the second area of focus for mental health — yes, these three are interconnected. Moving from isolation to community is vital in a day and age where isolation is more prevalent than it ever has been. While technology, and the advancement of social networks, allow us to be connected 24/7 from anywhere on the globe, the connectedness has come at cost. Can you honestly say that you feel healthier —less anxious —on days when you spend more time on devices? Worse, technology has in large part fooled us into thinking that it can replace the one-on-one human elements of community. If it did, would we be so addicted to it, and would we work so hard to gather “likes?” My belief, and the research of Cal Newport and others have led me to this belief, is that sitting in front of someone and sharing our life is not only necessary for us to thrive, it also has a profound impact on our anxiety and mental health. In short, we need human interaction. And the beautiful thing about this reality is that it is something we can control. For anyone can meet with a friend twice per month over coffee. It just takes a little intentionality.

Intentionality is also needed for the third area of focus, sleep. This post is already longer than usual, so I cannot give sleep the time it deserves. Notice the irony in that statement. If you are like me, your excuses for not getting enough sleep probably sound something like that! They do for me. So, here is the unfortunate truth about lacking sleep: it will profoundly impact your desire to meet with others, your anxiety, your spiritual health, your physical health, your emotions, and even your mental health. It simply impacts everything. So, what if you rearranged your life so that you slept 7 hours per night in 2020? What impact would that have on your overall health? Believe it or not, this is one of my goals because I believe it will pay huge dividends in my life.

If you are still with me, one last word of caution. If anything I have written above makes you feel guilty about past behavior (I should be getting more sleep, I should be prioritizing relationships more, etc.) stop that voice immediately. The point of this post is to make changes in these areas to improve your mental health.

People like us reflect.

People like us change.

That’s how we become worth following in 2020.

Expect short posts of encouragements — and an occasional longer one like today — throughout 2020. If that sounds like something that will help you improve in 2020, please subscribe so I can send encouragement directly into your inbox.