Personal Growth

Do you ever experience regret? Unless you are not human, of course you do. And so do I…

Regret often occurs from the failure to do something that you intend to do. It is obviously much deeper than this, but in the context of “social distancing,” it feels timely to think of regret in this way. In fact, thinking about regret this way got Sarah and I thinking about the things we have done the last two years that we do NOT regret. Here is our list:

• We began financially supporting a surgeon in Africa through PAACS, which is something we talked about for a while.
• I attended the Masters golf tournament with my best-man in April 2019.
• Last October Sarah and I traveled to San Francisco for my friend’s wedding. The power went out because of the fires in the area. Not only was it one of the most memorable weddings we have ever attended, it was also one of the best!
• Sarah’s birthday celebration was about to get “fired out” because of the fire threat in Napa, but we pivoted to Mexico. We almost waited to the spring but did not because we just did know what spring would look like for schedules. Thank goodness we did not wait (COVID-19).
• Last October I gave our company Blackhawks tickets to a friend of mine whose husband had just been diagnosed with Cancer. He died in March this year.
• Over Christmas we booked a hotel in Chicago and took the kids for a sleep over. We went to the “lights at the zoo” despite the weather being frigid. We went to dinner with the kids and to the Museum of Science and Industry the next day.
• Sarah and the kids joined me in Florida for my bench-marking meeting in February of this year. We then had a mini-vacation. We almost did not do this because we also had spring break plans, but we said “what the heck.” Our Spring Break plans were later cancelled because of COVID-19.
• Sarah’s parents came up to Chicago and met us in another hotel overnight. On day one we went to the Museum of Science and Industry and then to Joe’s Stone Crab. Day two we went to the Chicago Auto Show before going back home. It was Valentine’s Day so Sarah and I were able to go out to dinner that night with babysitter’s already staying at our house. This was 4 weeks prior to COVID-19.
• Two weeks prior to things getting crazy our sales team had a strategic planning dinner. We broke bread, had a few drinks, and laughed together. Thank God we did this because I have not been in the same room with many of them since.

Please hear me, I am not advocating being foolish or going into debt to live life. I am only advocating not waiting for a “rainy day.” Or, as what has become an unofficial “mantra” in our house: “why wait?”

I share this because it is tempting as a leader of business to feel “too busy” to do most of the above.

It takes a little intentionality and a little planning, but do not wait to make a memory. You simply do not know how much time you have.

I have been using COVID-19 to make observations about myself in an attempt to grow as a leader and I encourage you to do the same. Today’s post originates from one such observation.

I have noticed that I am constantly “doing” multiple things at the same time. Many, if not most, of these things are good things. For example, I regularly listen to an audio book while I stretch at night. While others, like checking work email while my kids are talking to me, are not so good.

There are many problems with multitasking, but here is one that is not often discussed. In the pursuit of doing more and multitasking, I am training myself to never be fully present.

How do you know if you have this problem? Here are some things to notice:

• Do you regularly check your phone while doing another activity (hobby or watching T.V. Etc.)?
• Can you recall checking email while someone was talking to you? Or, when your co- worker was ranting about something on ZOOM?
• If you set a five-minute timer on your phone, can you easily sit still and be quiet?

Coming into this crisis, I would have answered my own quiz this way:

Yes. Yes. No.

In their 2019 book, The Passion Paradox, authors Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness discuss the illusion of balance as it relates to our passion. In that conversation, however, they make a striking point about attention, “what gets our attention BECOMES important” (emphasis mine). While their point has to do with passion and how we should give our passion more attention, this statement applies to so much more than passion.

Here is how it applies to multitasking and today’s topic:

What, or who, are you really giving attention to when you are multitasking?

If I am honest, I am quasi giving attention to both things which means I am successfully giving full attention to NEITHER. I can live with this when my attention is divided between my audio book and stretching, but what about when it is between my work email and colleague talking on ZOOM? Or worse, when it is between work email and my 8-year-old son?

Here is the takeaway to think about for the next week:

We need to give FULL attention now to things that are important. Then what gets our attention will become important.

Full attention takes discipline and intentionality. It also takes sacrifice. You will get less done.

But by living a fully attentive life you will give attention to what you value, and not to what you don’t.

If this time has taught us anything, I hope it is that we should give MORE attention to the things we value.

I sense that most people are experiencing some fatigue these days. This is uncharted territory that we are in. I mean, who would have thought Tom Brady would choose the Bucs?

The Bucs!

Ok, I meant the other thing.

I don’t want you to burn anymore brain calories reading this blog so I am going to list things I am doing to cope with this mess. I am sharing to spur on your imagination to consider what you can do to cope with this crisis.

• Overarching theme: This is a season. I am viewing it as such. This means I am giving myself grace and extending as much grace as I can to others.
• Overarching theme 2.0: Because this is a season, I am changing things rapidly to stay fresh. If something works today, but not tomorrow, change teams like Lebron James!
• Overarching theme 3.0: Just kidding, enough.

Here we go…

Health

• I am exercising the same or more with more focus on flexibility and mobility.
• I am measuring the amount of coffee I am drinking at home so I don’t drink 2.5 pots. A Venti or less per day in my aim.
• Red wine with Sarah is just about mandatory. I am sorry Jenny Craig, but I am not measuring my wine. I will use common sense, however, and listen to my wife!
• I recommend listing to your spouse all the time, not just during a pandemic.
• I drink a minimum of two large Nalgene water bottles through the day – think I am type A?
• I nap during business hours. Ok, this is only my dream world. But, naps on weekends are mandatory. Wait a minute, nothing is mandatory per my themes above.
• I am journaling when I feel like it. My prompts are: What am I mad about, sad about, anxious about, glad about?
• I am eating a small piece of the darkest chocolate available after dinner. Savor it! This advised somewhere in the book of Leviticus. Really!
• I am limiting news.
• I am not feeling guilty the days I do not limit the news.
• Re-adjusting and limiting the next day. News fatigue makes me feel like I just shot 109 for 9 holes.
• I am listening to music and sports radio in the car (as opposed to audio books and podcasts).
• I am taking long bike rides when the weather allows.

Work

• I am slowing down my reading. Less is more.
• I am going all Nancy Reagan on 95% of webinar invites (i.e. “just saying no.”)
• I am immediately deleting any email with the phrases like, “do you have 10 minutes to spare” or “can you direct me to the appropriate person that can…” This usually leads to some journaling about one of the questions listed above.
• I am writing notes of encouragement. You, the BIB reader, might get one. This has been awesome and life-giving.
• I am identifying exactly what I need to do in my calendar (less is more again). Next step is hugely important…
• I am leaving LARGE chunks of time open or unscheduled for whatever comes up regarding this crisis. Leaders must maintain margin right now.
• I walk our production floor every day I am physically at the office. This is life-giving.
• When someone comes to my mind work wise, I send them a note, text, or email.
• I have asked customers and friends these simple questions, “How are you doing? What can I be praying for?” “How is your family doing? Is there anything I can help you with?”

Misc.:

• I have carved out 5 minutes for silence and prayer prior to lunch each day.
• I am continuing in my morning Bible reading, prayer, and prayer time with Sarah in the evenings.
• I am driving home occasionally in silence.
• I am using noise cancelling headphones a lot at when working at home (3 kids!).
• I am talking with Sarah about our mutual schedules and expectations. We are communicating, not assuming.
• I am watching every second of “The Last Dance.”
• I am keeping T.V. habits to pre-pandemic levels.
• I am keeping social media habits to pre-pandemic levels (iPhone users: Go to SETTINGS, SCREEN TIME, APP LIMITS, and you can set your limit on any app on your phone. My Facebook, Instagram, Twitter is set to 13 minutes per day. I know that is a random figure. I started at 20 minutes and have been working down. I don’t feel guilty with 13 minutes while 33 minutes makes me feel like I shot 109 for 9 holes again.
• I intend to give myself more grace when I do play golf again…
• I am also allowing myself to mourn, be sad, and feel emotions during this.
• It is also okay to laugh when something is funny. You have my permission, not that you needed it.

I hope the lists above spurs ideas for healthy coping mechanisms.

A year ago, my Executive Coach challenged me to read Pete Scazzero’s “The Emotionally Healthy Leader.” It entirely rocked my world, and challenged me to get in touch with my feelings.

I know. I feel like I need to do something manly after writing that last statement – maybe some push-ups or something? But let’s face it: Leaders need to deal with their feelings or deal with the repercussions of their feelings dealing them a blow.

Since reading his book, I have begun listening to Pete Scazzero’s weekly podcast, and will be slow reading (i.e. taking my sweet time) his “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” best-seller.

Enough background, but what I am about to share is directly from Pete Scazzero. He calls this “the gift of exploring the iceberg.”

Here is the ONE thing to help with Emotional Health:

Journal (hand write answers) to the following questions:

1. What are you mad about?
2. What are you sad about?
3. What are you anxious about?
4. What are you glad about?

Join me in repeating this exercise daily through the COVID-19 crisis.

Enough reading my thoughts. Use this time to get real with yourself and how you feel.

Do some pushups if you have to as well.

If you have opened this blog post up, I would encourage you to stop reading it. In fact, set aside the next 30 minutes, or 30 minutes sometime today, to just be still and silent.

Some of you are rolling your eyes, and that is fine.

But as leaders, we need to be still and quiet in order to collect our thoughts on what is happening.

We need to time to think and gain perspective.

This is true when things are flourishing, and even more so when things are not.

Some prompts to think about:

What does this experience make possible?

Who do I need to connect with?

How do I feel?

Am I angry, frustrated, or sad?

What am I (still) thankful for?

What support do I need?

What’s the next best thing I need to do?

30 minutes…

Depending on where you live, winter can be a difficult time to stay energetic and motivated. Cloudy days and cold temperatures can leave people feeling lethargic and unmotivated.

After a week long trip to Europe in January, I found myself struggling with all the things mentioned above. I simply was not on my “A” game. But then I remembered how John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach, would start every season teaching his team how to tie their shoes properly to avoid injury. He did this because discipline is elementary, and discipline matters to performance.

Elementary school also works best when lessons are repeated frequently. The alphabet, multiplication tables, and just about every kind of elementary learning are repeated until they take root in our early years. Somewhere along the educational journey, however, a mindset shift occurs and repetition no longer seems necessary.

When I found myself in the rut mentioned above, I was saved by an appointment on my calendar entitled “weekly review.” This 30-minute time is there for me to review the following:

1. My goals for 2020
2. My personal Key Results Area (KRA)
3. My Rule of Life
4. My next week (I outline tasks, declare what my top 3 objectives are, and sharpen focus around them)

There is not a week that goes by where I feel like I have adequate time to do this. Yet, I have come to discover that in actuality, I don’t have time NOT to do this. For, it always reorients me back to what matters.

My encouragement to you this week is to identify what disciplines you need to review on a weekly basis. Schedule these because they will not happen otherwise. And don’t fret about how elementary they feel because discipline starts with the basics.

One of our team members was recently promoted to a leadership role. In a meeting explaining the role he was going to take on he said, “I like doing all the crap that nobody likes to do. That’s why I have always had a job.”

Want a promotion?

Do the work no one else wants to do.

Do it well.

Repeat.

It is that simple.

My Executive Coach recently presented me with a business opportunity:

He said:

“You have $2,000.

I have $50.00.

Do you want to trade?”

Of course I don’t, I replied.

“Then stop spending so much time on email, and other $50 tasks. You are a leader, and should be spending your time doing $2,000 tasks.”

Message received.

To be someone worth following, you must get from behind the computer, or cell-phone, and into the trenches.

One-on-one human relationships are still the currency of leadership.

Spend your time, therefore, wisely.

Don’t miss the next post where I share how I have made a game out of time-management. Discover how to win at time management (and stop feeling guilty).