Personal Growth

Anxiety. 

Am I the only leader that struggles with saying the word anxiety? It is as if by saying that you are anxious you are automatically “less than.” But this is a boldface lie. In the last year it has been hard to not be at least a little anxious. So, before going further, I want to speak directly to the type-A leader. Lean in and listen. 

It is okay to admit that you are anxious. 

What I am going to do with the rest of today’s post is share ideas that I have found to be helpful when I am anxious. To be sure, there is a plethora of things I do. For example, I start each day in God’s word because I need to get my mind right. I also pray a LOT. I emphasize “LOT” not to show you how spiritual I am, but to show you how DESPERATE I am. Desperate people pray. I wear my desperation with a badge of honor because I need help. 

I have also found that listening to classical music, especially while I write, calms anxiety. And if all else fails, drinking a good glass of red wine can also help calm my body, mind, and soul. 

See, I am not “holier than thou!” 

I am human. 

And here is today’s starting point…

So are you. 

I am not going to dwell on all the reasons you probably are, to some degree, anxious. Rather, I want to spend time in today’s post outlining three helpful disciplines I have turned to this year. By adopting them, you will find help battling anxiety as well.

Silence

A few years ago, my Executive Coach challenged me to take inventory of all the “inputs” in my life. By “inputs,” he meant things like text messages, emails, podcasts, books, news, social media, etc. In short, anything that created noise inside my brain. What I discovered was that my entire day revolved around information. All this information, as good as it might have been, was overwhelming me. 

I then discovered all the noise was my attempt to cover up the insecurity inside my soul. I thought if I answered every email in 2 minutes, read all the latest leadership books, and kept a cool Instagram, I would be “enough.” By “enough,” I mean that people would like, respect, and appreciate me. I even expected to feel good 24/7! 

I learned that this was a fool’s errand. But I could only see so in hindsight, when I could see the impacts leading to large dips in energy, and even sickness. Since then, I have become more cognizant of the number of inputs in my life. 

What does this have to do with anxiety? 

Everything. 

Living in the information world, where more is always shared, tweeted, and expected (especially of leaders), your anxiety could just be a result of too much “inputs.” The antidote to this is, you guessed it, silence.

Silence requires stopping. You cannot be silent on the “go.” Further, silence requires a belief that you can stop doing whatever it is that you are doing. You can put down the book, turn off the podcast, and just be.

Being allows your self to catch up to your life.

Don’t believe me that silence helps? Over the next twenty-four hours, take inventory of all your “inputs.” Pay special attention to your phone, what you do in the car, and at night. How much time are you in complete silence? 

In case you struggle with English (don’t worry I did, which is why I am being blunt here), complete silence means complete silence. 

I am inviting you to turn your phone off, turn your computer off, to pull over if you are in your car, and to just be. 

That’s right. Just. Be.

As I am writing this post, I have done some form of this for 27 days straight. I am using the timer app on my iPhone and timing myself in complete silence. I aim for somewhere between 2 to 10 minutes per session. I share what I am doing because if you are like me, your brain is telling you right now that you do not have time to do what I am suggesting above. You might even be thinking that I am some kind of weird monk, or hippy. I do not think I am, but that is probably up for debate.

The truth, however, is that you have time to do this 2 to 10 minutes per day, especially at the office, where the benefits on the other side of silence are staggering. For example, I have discovered that after being silent for five minutes I can re-engage positively with just about any kind of problem.

That’s right, silence leads to better on-the-job-decision making.

There is so much to share about silence that I will devote a future post to it. For now, start small, but be consistent (consistency trumps duration in almost any discipline). And most of all, be graceful to yourself. 

Take ONE day OFF per week

For many, this is called the Sabbath. But, do not let that word freak you out. What I am referring to is not a day of extended solitude and silence, although that would be really beneficial! Rather, I am referring to ONE day per week that looks COMPLETELY different than the other six. 

As you probably can guess, I have read a lot of Christian books about the Sabbath. Most make me feel like a failure for blowing past God’s limits for life. But lately, I have read more helpful advice about taking one day a week off. Here are some notes I have jotted down while reading those books: 

• The Sabbath is a gift. It is a no obligation day! 

• Four words to think about in relation to the Sabbath: Stop, Rest, Contemplate, and Delight (have fun!) 

• Useful ideas for me: Grill a good dinner for the family, play golf and do not keep score (no measuring your worth in performance this day), and exercise outdoors.

• Take a nap!

I am sharing the above because I used to think that taking a day off was torturous. I have discovered, however, that it should be fun and something I look forward to. 

Notice: I did not list “check my email” in the above list. I am not going to lie and say that I don’t (especially talking about the Sabbath!), but I do try to limit it as much as possible. 

One last bit of advice that I found extremely helpful is that your “day off” does not have to coincide with a normal 24-hour period. What I mean is that I sometimes take my Sabbath from 2 p.m. Saturday to 2 p.m. Sunday (or something like that). The reason being is that it allows me to get my chores done Saturday morning, and then also allows me to get prepared for the work week to come on Sunday night. The point here is that you (your body, mind, and soul) need ONE day off in a week. 

Prioritize it.  

Journal

When all else fails journal. At least that is what I tell myself. I say it this way because journaling does not come natural to me, yet I see its profound impact every time I do it. 

I have shared multiple times in these posts that I have often used Pete Scazzero’s “iceberg exercise” when journaling. By this, I answer the following questions: What am I mad about? What am I said about? What I am anxious about? What am I glad about? Writing the answers to these questions often uncover the root cause of my anxiety (and anger). To that end, I encourage you to get your thoughts down on paper. Or, as I mentioned in last week’s post, share them with a trusted friend.

The three disciplines shared above are obviously not an exhaustive list. So, I challenge you to experiment and find what works best for you. 

I have allotted the last two weeks to anger and anxiety because I struggle with them. By sharing some of the disciplines I have used to battle them, I hope you have gained a couple tools to help you in the process. I also hope that you follow my lead by owning your struggles.

Remember, you cannot treat what you do not think is a problem.  

I hope and pray these two posts have been helpful. My goal in writing these posts remains to encourage leaders to become the kinds of people others want to follow. To that end, we (you and I) need to own what is going on inside us for that to happen. 

Please feel free to send me an email at alex@alexhoffer.me if there is any way I can help you, or pray for you, in that pursuit. 

Who would have thought a year ago that COVID-19 would last a year? We now know that it could last years and even become a part of our life indefinitely. I must confess this makes me both angry, and anxious. 

Can you relate to these feelings? Just in the past two days I have encountered people who are mad about the politicization of everything, anxious about various aspects of their life, and flat-out exhausted. Worse, people in all walks of life are biting at each other’s heals. 

We were never meant to carry all of this for 52 weeks, let alone indefinitely. So, in the next two posts I am going to address two topics that leaders often shy away from discussing: Anger and Anxiety. 

I must confess a few things before getting started however. First, I am writing as someone that has struggled with both anger and anxiety, this year. I suppose, as the author of this blog, I should present the “Instagram filter” equivalent of my life, but that is not me. As the below will indicate, I have honestly struggled at times this year. 

Admittedly, this post will be somewhat therapeutic for me to write. So, thank you for being my virtual therapist. My hope is that by exposing my feelings, you will feel free to do the same. Whether you do so privately in your journal, or to a trusted friend, is up to you. I have chosen the latter, and would encourage you to just get it out in some way or fashion. 

Second, the two questions that follow are directly from Pete Scazzero. His writing, and weekly podcast, have been extremely helpful to me in this season of change and loss. I am not nearly smart enough to come up with the two questions that follow, so all credit is his. So, without further ado here they are: 

When you feel angry, ask yourself two questions: 

1. What am I sad about? 
2. What am I afraid of?   

Let’s tackle these in order. 

Sad? Here is a quick list of things I am sad about: Disunity over a disease, the politicization of every aspect of life, racism, church infighting, loss of two Hoffer team members to unrelated health issues, the transition of a team member, the division over the election, plastic resin availability, the loss of my friend’s daughter to cancer. 

And that is just the start, but I will stop there.

When this sadness bubbles up, I can feel myself begin to get angry. I can raise my voice on my kids, or even in a meeting. I can “power-up” to show people who is boss (and simultaneously become someone others do NOT want to follow). I can be cold and distant to those I love the most. Yet, I can rationalize that I am just “angry” and with a little sleep, and possibly some good coffee, I will be relaxed again. 

At least, that is what I tell myself. 

But, here is the (real) deal. 

Most of the time, I am not angry, I am sad. This clarification is vitally important because it identifies the potential root cause. 

Then again, it could also be that I am afraid… 

Afraid? Here is a quick list of things I am afraid of: COVID-19 never going (entirely) away, sharing political beliefs, sharing vaccine viewpoints publicly, the vaccine in general, further supply chain disruptions to our business, my kids getting seriously sick, not measuring up, political divisions fundamentally destroying our country, and the Chicago Bears drafting yet another Quarterback (just trying to lighten the mood!). 

Here again, I can exhibit anger publicly even though what I am actually feeling is fear. In fact, I can power up, demonstrate whose opinion matters most, and come across in a, let’s be blunt, very insecure way when I am fearful. 

Yet, let’s be honest one last time, others perceive this fear as anger, and anger is the more socially acceptable “sin” of a leader. 

When was the last time you admitted you were scared in a conference room full of people you lead? 

I never have either.  

I am owning it here however……. it is in writing. 

Sometimes, my “fear” is dressed up in a Marvel costume that tries to disguise it as “anger.” 

So, where does that leave us for this post? 

First, I challenge you to do some inventory of your thoughts and feelings the next time you feel “angry.” Ask yourself what you are sad about? Also ask yourself what you are afraid of? Then, as I said at the outset, I challenge you to either write the answers down, or share them with someone you trust. 

Second, and here is the legal mumbo-jumbo, if after journaling on what you are either sad about, or afraid about, you still feel angry, you could actually be angry. If so, “proceed with extreme caution.” In fact, a good idea is to go back to my idea mentioned above (sleep!). 

In short, do not burn down an entire forest when you want to get rid of one weed. 

Be gentle. 

And speaking of being gentle, be gentle on yourself when you are journaling about what you are sad and/or scared about. 

You are not any less of a human by realizing that you have feelings and emotions. But, you become someone worth following by discovering what those feelings and emotions really are. This happens because introspection is rare these days and people crave being around those individuals who are real.

There is a chance that even after taking a deep dive into the questions above you still feel an overwhelming dread, or an unsettling feeling of anxiety inside you. Next week, I will share some things I am doing to counter these feelings of anxiety. 

In the interim, take a deep breath. 

People follow those who are real, not fake. To that end, I challenge you to get real about your sadness and fear. 

You, and those closest to you, will be better for it. 

Deep inside all of us is a belief that things can be better. Regardless of how our life has played out so far, it is there. I say this confidently because each of us learned to walk as a baby. We were encouraged by our parents, or whomever was taking care of us, and through practice and effort we learned to walk.

Walking demonstrated to our forming minds that more was possible. A little seedling sprouted inside us the day we took our first steps. If we could walk, we had to wonder, what else was possible?

Life is not easy however. Everyone falls down, some more than others. Over the course of time, the seedling can disappear altogether. We can even be tempted to think that more is no longer possible.

Because of this, a temptation is born. The temptation is to shelter in place from our positive attitude. We can rationalize giving into this temptation by saying that we are being realists. Experience, after all, teaches us that not everything is possible. Or is this too just another temptation? Is it something we tell ourselves to soften the blow of unbelief in ourselves?

The opposite of this is returning to the belief that more things are possible than we can see, or even believe, today. This is true because as John Maxwell reminds, we can grow in matters of choice. Having a positive attitude is, after all, a choice. This is different than matters of skill, where only so much growth is possible.

To that end, I concede that not everything is possible. I am, after all, still chasing the golf round where I make 18 consecutive birdies. Golf, after all, is a mostly a matter of skill. Too often, however, I shelter from the belief that I can even shoot par, a reasonable goal for a single-digit handicap, let alone make a couple birdies when I need to. To this end, my negative mindset holds me back from my skill’s fullest potential. The good news is that mindset is, to John Maxwell’s point, a matter of choice. By believing more is possible, more becomes possible, especially in golf!

Coming full circle, leadership is a lot like the role our parents played when we learned to walk. Leaders need to be the kind of people that encourage others when they fall down. Further, when they question whether or not they will ever be able to take the next step, we need to be there telling them they absolutely can! And when they do, we need to celebrate as our parents did when we took those first steps.

Doing this starts with positivity in our mind. We cannot give what we don’t possess. My guess is your best moments, and mine, were birthed from the seedlings of positivity.

So, never underestimate its power. Quit sheltering from it, and bring it with you wherever you go. It will not only light up your path, but also the path of those you lead.

The New Year always brings endless possibilities for more. As a go-getter, I am always fired up to set new goals and take new ground. But, one can only take on so much. To that end, as a leader I want to always evaluate the tasks I am asking team members to do because I cannot continually add to that “to-do” list. So, clarifying what they can “quit” is not only humane, but also gives them renewed energy to pursue what is important now. Similarly, I have found that I need to do the same for myself. What follows are three things I am quitting for 2021. The purpose of this short post is for you to begin thinking about the things you need to quit as well. Then, I would challenge you to write them down prior to deciding when you are going to let them go in 2021.

Here is my list:

Social Media: No judgment to anyone else with what I am about to share. But, while social media has never been a complete time-suck for me, it has been a continual temptation for me to project a better version of myself than what is reality. Specifically, this is true on Instagram, where I have failed to share pictures of myself in anything other than positive light. (C’mon! You know we ALL do it!) Couple this with my tendency to compare my life to others, I realized this year that social media is, in many ways, unhealthy for me. So, to that end, I have decided to get off Facebook/Instagram/Twitter and not sign up for anything new – I will continue to post this blog on LinkedIn however, so, if you are reading this on LinkedIn, know that I am not going anywhere.

Multi-tasking: If the first item was not aspirational enough, here is one that is extremely so. Having said that, I have come to realize that this is another huge problem for me. A few years ago, I received feedback in a 360 review that I often checked email when I had a person sitting in front of me in my office. This crushed me because my intent was never to tune anyone out. As a “doer,” however, I often find myself moving almost automatically from one thing to the next, but, I do not want to be that person! Rather, I want to be a single-tasker. I want to give the person in my office my FULL attention. Unlike social media, this is something virtually impossible to quit all the time. So, my plan going forward is to notice when I am multi-tasking, remember my intention to quit it, and stop. In most cases, this will probably mean putting the phone down or turning the computer screen off (something I’ve learned and highly recommend when someone else is present in your office).

Putting off going to the doctor: Going to the doctor for a yearly checkup has not been a challenge for me. But, going to the doctor for an injury has been. This year I learned that playing through pain does not work like it used to. So, I am committed to going to the doctor and addressing problems when they come up. While this is truly one of my chosen items to quit next year, I am also including it to encourage other leaders to go to the doctor for yearly check-ups. I have had too many conversations with leaders this year who have been putting this off. The reality is that you are no good to your family, or your workplace, when you are not healthy. So, please take your health seriously in 2021.

There is nothing magical about what I have shared above. But, notice how my selections came from reflecting on the past. Similarly, I encourage you to reflect on the past year and decide what you need to quit going forward. This will help you recalibrate for the year ahead.

Various studies have been done the last several years on how much time employees waste on social media in the workplace. One recently from a “staffing firm” found that workers waste an average of 56 minutes per day using their mobile devices for non-work activities. I am sure that you and I do not have this problem, but what about our organizations? (Note the sarcasm intended in the previous statement).

I question all kinds of waste – plastic parts on the floor, time spent on social media, and extended periods on screens (now called “binging,” which points out how unhealthy it is!). But, I also cannot stand excuse making, and excuses are what I often hear from leaders when I ask them how much they are reading.

“I don’t have time,” they tell me, or, “I am not a reader” or, “reading was boring in high school” (despite the fact that high school was probably three plus decades ago!). All of these are weak excuses.

You might be wondering what social media and time wasted at the workplace has to do with reading as a leader. If it is not already obvious, why don’t you get off your smartphone, your email, and even silence your calls, so that you can learn from spending 20 minutes a day at the office? This is the office place equivalent of “don’t eat that, eat this,” leadership development, because 20 minutes of learning will provide the nourishment you need to become smarter, wiser, and possibly worth following.

Still unconvinced? Do you have that nagging urge to check to see if your last post received more likes? Here are 3 reasons to spend 20 minutes each day learning at the office….

Learning: Duh, that is what this is all about, but hang with me here. Instead of catching up on the latest sporting news, or what your uncle’s cousin thinks about the President, why not dig into a leadership or history book? Notice that I am not suggesting that you read the secret book your grandmother used to read about the estranged lovers. Rather, I am suggesting you read the kind of book that will help you get better at your job or gain perspective about the world. Imagine for a second if everyone in your company read 5 leadership and 5 history books per year. Would your company be better than it is today? I’d wager that it would be.

Slowing: 20 minutes of learning forces you to slow down and stop reacting to the constant bombardment of activity present in the modern workplace. Who among us has made poor decisions because you were reacting through the day and firing off email after email, stopping to fire a few texts, and even reacting harshly to an annoyed customer? 20 minutes of learning is like an adult “time-out” of sorts. Or, if you prefer, call it “halftime.” Like professional athletes, we need to take a break to think. The gift of 20 minutes of learning is that it not only gives us a much needed break, but also replenishes our mind with useful information and perspective, the kind that will propel us to better performance for the remainder of the day.

Subconscious Power: I always spend 20 minutes of learning with an open notepad beside me because when my conscious brain is freed to rest, the subconscious often kicks in with good ideas or answers to problems in the workplace. I am not smart enough to tell you how this happens, but it is why some people say that their best ideas come in the shower or in other areas where they are not thinking about a specific problem. Reading is another activity that turns off the problem-solving portion of our brain and allows the subconscious to go to work. To that end, do not be surprised if 20 minutes of learning leads to better ideas.

These are only three reasons to spend 20 minutes learning at the office each day – there are surely more! But, what happens if the boss catches you blowing off work to read the latest John Maxwell leadership book?

I’ll bet she walks away thinking, “I should promote so and so. I caught Alex checking Facebook the other day. He’s an employee who should really spend more time learning through substantiative reading.”

The fact of the matter is that we all should.

My challenge to you is to start spending at least 20 minutes learning through reading and let me know how it goes.

You have the time – stop making excuses!

This week I want to take a quick break from leadership topics and write about organization. Living in the “Information Age” has almost everyone overwhelmed. This is especially true for the leader. Without focus, the leader is scattered. With focus, leaders can pour their energy into what matters, most notably connecting with other people.

There are many tools available to help leaders stay organized and on point. These range from apps that can manage tasks, calendars, and almost every aspect of life. Meanwhile, notebooks, planners, and journals can also help with these functions. For the sake of ease, I will refer to the former as “digital” and the latter as “analog” for the remainder of this post.

What I have discovered is that while much debate is centered on “digital” vs. “analog,” the best path forward for me has been “digital” AND “analog.” So, going forward I will share when and why I use both. My challenge is for you to consider what works and what does not work for you, so that you can stay focused on what matters most.

Digital

The best aspect of digital technology is its ability to sync to multiple devices. Therefore, I use digital when I want easy long-term reference. My favorite application for this is Evernote, but, I make no claims that it is the best app for this. In fact, I would recommend that you use something you are comfortable with rather than wasting hours researching which app is the best. The only two watch-outs are that the app syncs well with other devices and has a dynamic search function so that you don’t spend time looking for things (Evernote does both well).

Here are some examples of things I keep “digitally” for reference:

• Book notes
• In-person customer notes
• Calendar (Outlook)
• Workout logs / Golf notes (hobbies)
• Reminders (with exact times to be reminded)
• Blog drafts and schedule
• Speaking notes
• Contact information
• Favorite quotes
• Email

Notice that these are all things I want to reference again. In my opinion, digital is great for this.

Analog

The best aspect of analog technology is comprehension. Numerous studies have been conducted over the last ten years on the effectiveness of writing things down vs. typing them digitally. The majority of the studies conclude that there is an improvement of comprehension when things are written down. Therefore, I use analog when I want to learn or own some material.

Here are some examples of things I use “analog” for:

• Bible study
• Personal journal
• Full Focus Planner (i.e., weekly planner)
• Goals
• Tasks for the week (notice that reminders for said tasks are digital)
• Notes from one-on-one meetings with team members (typing seems impersonal)
• Weekly review
• Brainstorming for anything creative (blog, talk, etc.) – final product then transferred to digital

As you can see from the above, both “digital” and “analog” technology help me stay organized and focused in various ways.

The point in sharing this information is to encourage you to think through your use of technology and determine what works best for you. What I said at the beginning of the post bears repeating: you have to determine how you are going to stay organized and on point so that you can allot your time and energy towards what matters most …. for the leader, this should always be connecting with other people.

The Reverend Bill Graham once said, “A golf course is an island of peace in a world often full of confusion and turmoil.” At no time in my life has this been more true than in 2020. Yet, even in the midst of all the beauty, splendor, and peace, golf has always been instructional. It somehow exposes what is inside you. Observe any weekend golfer long enough and you will see how they react to adversity, the occasional bad break, and even success. If you observe them in a competitive situation, you will see how they handle stress, nerves, and the expectations both they, and others, put on them. Golf, especially competitive golf, is not for the faint of heart.

I was reminded of this 3 shots into our Club’s Invitational tournament last month. After a mediocre drive and good 2 iron, I was left with an uphill 60-yard shot to a green that had to be hit on the fly. Going over the green would foretell disaster and a high score, hitting it 50 yards meant it would roll back off the green. The distance was uncomfortable for me with the fairways damp and lie uphill. So, all this played into my consciousness as I attempted to hit a good shot. I did not, however, so after another pitch shot and missed putt, I walked off the green with an opening bogey when par should have been a foregone conclusion.

I share this experience because any golfer can relate to it. As a single-digit handicapper, I can easily hit that 60 yard shot. But I did not, at least not that time. With the time left in this post, let’s examine both why I did not, and how the lesson behind the why can lead to better performance both on the golf course and everywhere else – work included.

Bobby Jones once said, “competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears.” While this is true, it can lead some to think that the best golf performer is always thinking about the next shot. Yet, as Dr. Bob Rotella has pointed out, the best performers are often the ones most disassociating themselves from conscious thoughts altogether. For example, the competitive golfer might daydream about something while walking from one shot to the next so that they are not thinking about the mechanics of the shot to come, or its outcome. Then, upon reaching their ball, they rely on a “process,” otherwise known as a “pre-shot routine,” that helps free themselves from conscious thoughts and allows their subconscious and natural ability to take over. Put in a way easier to grasp, ask a good golfer what they were thinking about while sinking a long putt and the most common answer is “nothing.” This is the subconscious at work!

Let’s revisit my bad shot mentioned above. Preparing to hit the shot, my conscious brain was in overdrive. The word “don’t” was featured front and center in my internal dialogue: “Don’t hit it over the green,” “Don’t swing too fast,” “Don’t..” The problem with the word “don’t” is that it is a negative word. As such, it activates the conscious side of the brain as the brain tries to not do what you are telling it not to do. But, like a dieter telling themselves, “don’t eat the chocolate cake tonight,” the word “don’t” often leads us to doing what we “do not” want to do —at least the chocolate cake tastes good however!

The alternative would have been for me to fixate on where the shot needed to go. Dr. Rotella, mentioned above, has preached this to golfers for years: “Play to the TARGET” (emphasis mine). Envisioning this is the cornerstone to any “pre-shot routine” as it quiets a golfer’s conscious thinking about mechanics and outcome, and frees the golfer to subconsciously hit the shot needed. Success is not guaranteed, but it is not stymied either. And that —stymying performance through overthinking it—is the point of this post.

Performance of any kind is better when the subconscious takes over and one’s ability is free to be what it is. Notice the word choice here: “free to be what it is.” I am not saying that letting the subconscious take over automatically leads to a successful outcome. My 60-yard wedge game, for example, needs constant practice and attention for it to be great. This is where practice (i.e., the process of improvement) needs both time and attention. Without it, and without the hard work necessary, it is unrealistic to expect something great to happen even if one’s ability is “free to be what it is.”

I have discovered that this kind of “freedom” is rare for me, and perhaps it is for you as well. There are many endeavors in life: sales calls, speaking engagements, parenting discussions, and on and on, where it feels like one needs a “mechanical” approach to their performance. But, this rarely leads to one’s best effort. So wouldn’t we be better off trusting our ability, letting go, and seeing what happens?

While most readers of the blog are not golfers, I hope this post makes everyone think about their performance at work, and even the performances of those they lead. As leaders, let’s encourage our followers when they are about to perform. Teach them to focus on where the next “shot” needs to land. Encourage them to trust their ability and to disassociate with what may or may not happen. Notice that I am not saying never to have hard conversations about performance. A golfer that never addresses serious swing flaws will never become elite. Addressing these flaws needs to happen via the practice range and take place on non-competitive days. Similarly, we as leaders need to be wise about where and when we are evaluating ourselves and others.

Whether on the golf course, or the corporate boardroom, performing under pressure is stressful. So, let go of outcomes and teach yourself and others to trust the work and practice that (hopefully) has been put into whatever the performance is. Then, let whatever is to happen actually happen…

Do you ever experience regret? Unless you are not human, of course you do. And so do I…

Regret often occurs from the failure to do something that you intend to do. It is obviously much deeper than this, but in the context of “social distancing,” it feels timely to think of regret in this way. In fact, thinking about regret this way got Sarah and I thinking about the things we have done the last two years that we do NOT regret. Here is our list:

• We began financially supporting a surgeon in Africa through PAACS, which is something we talked about for a while.
• I attended the Masters golf tournament with my best-man in April 2019.
• Last October Sarah and I traveled to San Francisco for my friend’s wedding. The power went out because of the fires in the area. Not only was it one of the most memorable weddings we have ever attended, it was also one of the best!
• Sarah’s birthday celebration was about to get “fired out” because of the fire threat in Napa, but we pivoted to Mexico. We almost waited to the spring but did not because we just did know what spring would look like for schedules. Thank goodness we did not wait (COVID-19).
• Last October I gave our company Blackhawks tickets to a friend of mine whose husband had just been diagnosed with Cancer. He died in March this year.
• Over Christmas we booked a hotel in Chicago and took the kids for a sleep over. We went to the “lights at the zoo” despite the weather being frigid. We went to dinner with the kids and to the Museum of Science and Industry the next day.
• Sarah and the kids joined me in Florida for my bench-marking meeting in February of this year. We then had a mini-vacation. We almost did not do this because we also had spring break plans, but we said “what the heck.” Our Spring Break plans were later cancelled because of COVID-19.
• Sarah’s parents came up to Chicago and met us in another hotel overnight. On day one we went to the Museum of Science and Industry and then to Joe’s Stone Crab. Day two we went to the Chicago Auto Show before going back home. It was Valentine’s Day so Sarah and I were able to go out to dinner that night with babysitter’s already staying at our house. This was 4 weeks prior to COVID-19.
• Two weeks prior to things getting crazy our sales team had a strategic planning dinner. We broke bread, had a few drinks, and laughed together. Thank God we did this because I have not been in the same room with many of them since.

Please hear me, I am not advocating being foolish or going into debt to live life. I am only advocating not waiting for a “rainy day.” Or, as what has become an unofficial “mantra” in our house: “why wait?”

I share this because it is tempting as a leader of business to feel “too busy” to do most of the above.

It takes a little intentionality and a little planning, but do not wait to make a memory. You simply do not know how much time you have.