One of my goals with this blog is to be real. I don’t have a ghost writer, so what follows is something that actually happened. It is also something I don’t want to share because it is not flattering. But the uncomfortable stories are the ones worth sharing because there is much to learn from them. And to be sure, I have learned something from this one.
The other night I had a dream that was telling about my inner-life. I dreamt that my wife, Sarah, had come out with a book and it was an instant success. The details in the dream were vague, but what was not vague was my jealousy towards her success. In the dream, she was a New York Times’ Best Seller, and my ego could not handle how much better she was as writing than I am/was. In fact, all I could feel in the dream was a deep-seated jealously for the one the one person I love more than any human being on the planet.
I am one messed up human being, aren’t I?
Deep inside of me is an insecurity that wonders if I will ever be good enough. Will my writing ever take off? Will I lead in a way that advances Hoffer Plastics, or will I fail? Will I look back and be proud of what our children became, or will I have regrets? Will Sarah consider me a good husband thirty years from now, or will there be things I could have done better?
Back to what’s really behind the dream, will I be the kind of person that cheers others on when they do something better than me at something I really care about?
Do I trust God enough to be okay with His provision for my life if said provision does not include the wildest, and often biggest, dreams inside my heart?
These are deep questions, obviously, that I share in hopes that you will ask them yourself.
As for me, I told Sarah about my dream the other night as we sat down to pray together. I told her that her husband is vane and insecure. This could not have surprised her because she knows me better than any other human-being. And for the record, she was hardly upset at a dream. In fact, I think my admission gave her a little laugh.
But I take it seriously because I know these insecurities exist in my heart. I also know that this season points to the birth of a Savior whose entire existence was based on the reality that I am already enough. When I remember this, I can let go of everything else.
The question today is what is in your self-worth based on?
To be someone worth following, you need to know.
Take a few minutes today to think through the questions above. They’re not easy, but dealing with them will help you on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.