Birthday Post

As I celebrate another year of life — birthday number 43 — I’m using today’s post to document some things I want to be true one year from now. 

As always, I am going to be vulnerable and real. If you read this blog regularly, that is what you get. No ghostwriter. Just me. To that end, I hope this post inspires you to think about your next year. What do you want to be true about it? What are you doing to pursue it? 

Here goes mine: 

Growing in my walk with Jesus

Most importantly, I want to grow in my walk with Jesus. I want to dig deeper into His Word, memorize more of it, and allow it to transform my personality. God, help me become more loving of other people. Help me lead with truth AND compassion. 

I also want to be someone who talks more openly with others about Jesus. And I know this will totally weird some of you out — which is not my intent. But the more I read about Jesus in His word, the more I see how his way is the way to life: It truly is more blessed to give than receive. Turning your cheek is better than spending your limited energy on fighting. And the pursuit of truth, especially in a culture that quite frankly is post-truth, is worthy of your pursuit. I could go on and on here, but I will say that my only hope is tied to the resurrected Jesus. 

I am not great. I am definitely sinful. Don’t let a blog post or LinkedIn profile with a few likes mislead you. I need Jesus, period. And I am unashamed to say that in this blog. If that weirds you out, so be it. I still love you because my cup runs over when I am full of Jesus’ love. 

When I am not, I am a jerk. 

A better husband and father

I want to be MORE faithful to Sarah. No confession is forthcoming, but I strive to be an even better husband 365 days from now than I am today. Period, bottom line. Sarah is still amazing to me. I need to cherish the limited time we have. While I hope it is another 50-plus years, there are no guarantees. 

I want to be a better dad to Will, Ben, and Sadie. What does “better” mean? I want to focus on the best things. That means — you guessed it — I want to talk more about Jesus and less about baseball. I am going to weird them out, too! Seriously, I have noticed that I often treat secondary things as main things and main things (like my faith in Jesus) as secondary. This has been entirely unintentional. But I am owning up to it. I will live this year differently. 

Further, I want to be the kind of dad who speaks love into his kids while teaching them the truth. What I mean by that is that I’m teaching them things like actions have consequences, life is not about participation trophies, and doing hard things is necessary. 

Finally, I will engage in their fun because I need more fun, and living in this broken world, they do too! 

My work at Hoffer Plastics

Have you noticed that I have not yet mentioned being a leader at Hoffer Plastics — or work in general? That makes me wonder: Why do I spend so much time worrying about Hoffer Plastics? 

Would getting the primary things right help or hurt my work at Hoffer Plastics? 

These are the questions that I’m pondering. What about you? 

One year from now, I want to be ALL-IN with our work at Hoffer Plastics. This does not contradict what I said above; it just comes in the appropriate order of priority. 

I want to be a better leader. I want to ask more questions, give more affirmations, and take more interest in people. And at the same time, I want to be the kind of leader who focuses on the few things that will move the needle for our organization rather than the many things we have to get done. 

To be sure, the latter things need to be done, but they cannot be done at the expense of the former. This is probably not applicable to everyone reading this blog, but it is for those in executive-level positions. To the best of our ability, we must look ahead six to twelve months and prepare our team for what is coming. 

I also want to be a more generous leader, giving team members, customers, and established partners the time they deserve.  

Finally, I want to be the kind of person who is rigid on the primary things and flexible on everything else. At my worst, I get stressed out about things that won’t matter. Will my sports teams figure it out? What will happen with the election? What’s the next book I should read to improve my leadership? These are things worth considering, but they are all secondary. I think about these questions and thousands of other things way too much — and at the expense of focusing on what truly matters. 

This is not a perfect list because I am not a perfect man. 

This IS an imperfect list because I am an imperfect man, saved by grace, thanks to Jesus. 

To another year

I have one last thought, and I hope Sarah reads this: I am thankful for another year of life! I am 43. Pass out t-shirts!  

I am thankful for another year. Thank you, God, for 43. 

Thank you, God, for another year. Thank you for Jesus, Sarah, the kids, and work. 

Yes, thank you that I have a job and get to work. 

Thank you for this blog and the fun I have writing it. 

Here is to another year! 

Series Introduction

It has become my annual tradition to write birthday letters to my kids on this blog. I was recently traveling on a business trip, and my mind turned to this year’s letters. 

My kids have so many attributes that I admire and treasure. This reminded me of Paul’s writing in Galatians about the “Fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). As Paul teaches, these become evident in people when they abide in the Spirit of God. Or, in modern words, when our charger is connected to God, we are powered by him to display the attributes Paul refers to. 

I am totally biased and bragging, but God has produced these fruits in my kids. Therefore, in this year’s letters, I will identify three fruits that come to mind for each child. Before beginning, here is the scripture to keep in mind while reading these letters: 

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. [24] Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. [25] Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. [26] Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. — Galatians 5:22-26 NIV

Dear Will,

I am writing this letter shortly after watching you play five baseball games over 48 hours. The next day, you walked 18 holes in a golf tournament despite the heat and humidity. Your energy reminds me of my own a long time ago, and now I can only stand in admiration. 

As Mom and I tell all three of you, your performance on the field does not matter all that much. You can strike out 100 times in a row, and we will not love you any less. Or, you can strike out 100 batters in a row, and we will not love you any more. As you age, I pray that you own this lesson: Unconditional love has zero conditions. 

And continuing on the theme of thinking about the Fruits of the Spirt, here are three fruits God has given you in abundance…

Patience 

Your patience has stood out during the baseball season this year. Despite success with your in-house team, you weren’t pitching in your all-star games. While I was frustrated, you seemingly were not. You stuck with it. When I asked whether you were frustrated about hitting lower in the lineup, your response was mature: “I have not gotten any big hits yet, so I should be in the lower part of the lineup for now.”

You were not dissuaded. You continued to show up and work at practices. Because of this, one of your coaches took a liking to you and began working with you on pitching. He taught you how to throw a “cutter” and advocated for you to get pitching opportunities. As your father, what I liked most about this was that I had nothing to do with it — this didn’t come as the result of me having some kind of talk with the coaches. It came because you were patient and hard-working. 

Fast forward to this past weekend, and there you were, closing out the first playoff game and throwing three scoreless innings in the second. You also had multiple big hits. Your patience was rewarded! 

Kindness 

Perhaps the most remarkable fruit you possess is your kindness. You can leave an all-star baseball game, come home and shower, and then play with your sister in a way that meets her where she is. This flexibility teaches me that I need to be the kind of man who meets people wherever they are, regardless of what I have going on. Your play with her also has a sense of freedom and joy that is instructive. My prayer for you is that you never lose this. Don’t “grow up” in this area. Instead, let your inner child continue to adulthood.

The other reason I think about your kindness is twofold. First, I think it is one of the defining features of your mother and something you have shared with her since you were born. Secondly, it is what I hear about you from your coaches. In fact, when you accidentally tossed your bat running to first base in an in-house league game in June, your coach told the opposing coach, “I know Will did not do that on purpose. He is the kindest kid on our team.” That was a “home run” for your mother and me. 

Self-Control 

While your kindness reminds me of your mother, your self-control (and discipline) remind me of myself. I can come home from lunch and know that you’ll be doing what you must to get your schoolwork done. Whether it’s Latin, science, or math, it doesn’t matter. I also know that you’ll practice baseball and golf with a commitment to excellence. 

However, one aspect of your self-control that I can learn from is your ability to stay cool in the moment. Whether you are pitching in a late-inning of a tournament game or playing in a golf tournament, you exhibit an outward expression of self-control and confidence. Potential results do not intimidate you. Rather, you just throw the next pitch or make the next shot. I admire this — and aim to embrace it in my own golf game and at work! 

One Last Reminder… 

One thing I have fought — and had to learn time and time again — is that my identity is not based on my performance. Honestly, at my worst, I am killing myself on the inside for missing the putt in golf, saying the wrong thing at work, and failing to lead our business to the success I know we can obtain. This is the downside of self-drive, determination, and discipline. 

The reality is that no amount of good work will ever save me or give me a lasting feeling of success and significance. 

I have discovered that Paul was right when he said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

In this famous passage, Paul reminds the church of Corinth that human weakness (Paul’s thorn in the flesh) provides the ideal opportunity for the display of God’s power. 

Failure and weakness are inevitable. No amount of self-control, kindness, or patience will deliver you from this. Only Jesus will. And only with Jesus will you be able to exhibit these fruits amid weakness and failure. Doing so is maturity. 

The point is that regardless of your ability to do this, and despite the inevitable slip-ups, mistakes, and losses, your mom and I love you. 

There are no conditions. 

Love, 

Dad  

Series Introduction

It has become my annual tradition to write birthday letters to my kids on this blog. I was recently traveling on a business trip, and my mind turned to this year’s letters. 

My kids have so many attributes that I admire and treasure. This reminded me of Paul’s writing in Galatians about the “Fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). As Paul teaches, these become evident in people when they abide in the Spirit of God. Or, in modern words, when our charger is connected to God, we are powered by him to display the attributes Paul refers to. 

I am totally biased and bragging, but God has produced these fruits in my kids. Therefore, in this year’s letters, I will identify three fruits that come to mind for each child. Before beginning, here is the scripture to keep in mind while reading these letters: 

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. [24] Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. [25] Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. [26] Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. — Galatians 5:22-26 NIV

Dear Sadie,

I am writing your letter from a hotel in Northern Italy on the last day of a three-and-a-half-day business trip in early summer. Our trip ended with a dinner last night, at which one of the attendees asked me:  “I once was told that there is nothing better in the entire world than an 8-year-old daughter. Is that true?” 

As my emotions welled up, I could hardly answer. 

Love 

The first word that comes to mind when I think about you is love. Of course, I love your brothers, your mom, and Jesus, too! But I think about it in relation to you because you radiate love. As you enter a room, so does love. If your presence were weather, it would be the longest sunny day of the year because the love you radiate is energizing and warm. 

One of my favorite moments this year was watching you dance during your dance recital in May. For a moment, all the other girls disappeared, and you were alone (at least in my mind) twirling and smiling in the middle of the stage. It was a precious moment for me — one that I could relive a hundred lifetimes. 

Peace 

You’ve had conflicts with your brother Ben this year — nothing outside the norm, but they have been present. What’s behind this is often your twofold desire to have his time and attention and your drive for peace. You have a motherly desire for things to be right and peaceful. It is one of the things that I most admire about you. 

This is also one of the gifts that you give me. In addition to your love, your presence brings me a sense of peace, making all my cares, stresses, and worries disappear. There have been multiple occasions this year where you have snuggled up next to me, and all my problems have melted away like a snowman on a late winter’s day. You are simply a gift to me. 

Gentleness 

Finally, you have the most gentle soul of any one of us. This is exhibited by your sensitivity to animals — whether they are real or stuffed — it doesn’t matter! Even though you are the youngest, you mother your brothers by showing compassion to them through your gentleness. 

Nowhere is this more evident to me than through your hugs. There have been more times than I can count when, just before I am about to leave for the office in the morning, you get up from your breakfast and come over and hug me. Those moments are quite possibly the best moments of my life. They bring more love, peace, and gentleness into my soul than I can count for a thousand lifetimes. 

A Final Note 

As a father, “About Time” has become my favorite movie of all time. There are moments in that movie that make me think about your mother and all three of my kids. Beyond that, there is also the age-old lesson that time always passes, even for the time traveler. 

I don’t want this time to pass. As much as I look forward to days in the future, even walking you down the aisle, I do not want those days to come. 

At least not yet. 

From this movie, I learned how much I have to treasure life right now. Nothing is guaranteed, and the moments we have are all that we have. 

I have done my best to treasure these moments with you — and to be sure, you make them worth treasuring. The problem is that the attributes you display are so abundant and rich that it would take a thousand lifetimes to soak them all in and not miss anything. 

The reality is that however great these moments are, they are only a taste of what will come. Not only that, but the son of God, Jesus, exhibits them all in indescribable abundance. He, after all, is the tree from which our fruit originates. So, I will end this letter by treasuring every second I have with you this coming year and maintaining the perspective that the best is still to come in this world and the next. 

My life would not have been complete without you as my daughter. 

I thank Jesus for this every single day. 

I love you, 

Dad 

My son Will turns twelve today. Here is a letter to him: 

Dear Will, 

I suppose these letters all start the same, with me acknowledging how fast another year has gone by. While this won’t make sense until you are older, time seems to go faster when you are older. I used to think that was just because I was getting older and had more things to do. Now, however, I see that the real reason is value — the things and experiences I value tend to go by faster and faster. 

Your childhood is almost gone. I suspect that you probably do not think of yourself in terms of being a “child,” and that is fair. But this time in your life is unique. It is a time filled with adventure and possibility. As the oldest, you might be tempted to hurry into more responsibility, your teenage years, and even adulthood. Give yourself permission to be a kid. Play with your sister, and take part in your brother’s fun games. You will have to work at this more when you are a 41 like me, so don’t lose sight of it now. And remind your dad to make time for laser tag or Nerf wars with the three of you from time to time!  

While you are incredibly gifted with golf and baseball, I want to remind you that my love is not predicated on your sports performance. You can strike out 100 times in a row, hit 100 home runs, or shoot an incredibly low score (though you should chill out on beating Dad anytime soon — though secretly, I’m rooting for that day to happen!). 

None of this impacts my love for you. I will tell you this a thousand more times over the next ten years, so I apologize in advance. I want you to do your best, be a great teammate, and be a good sport. Your performance is not, and never will, impact my love for you. 

To this end, I want to challenge you on something I have struggled with all my life: “self-talk.” What I mean by that is how I talk about myself in my head. For example, I used to say horrible things to myself when I shot 90 or worse in competitive high school golf. For example: 

“You suck.” 

“You will never be as good as your dad was.” 

“You are a failure.” 

Get the idea? 

My dad (your grandfather) never pressured me to be as good as he was at golf. Yet, I often believed the lie that my lack of national golf success was a failure in his eyes. Again, that was NOT on him, but it was a lie generated by my self-talk. 

As I close, what I have learned more than anything from you this year is how to be resilient. I admire your ability to stay consistent emotionally, regardless of the circumstances. I think this is a quality you inherited from your mother. If things go wrong on the baseball field, you are not flustered. You just keep going on. This has inspired me as a leader this year because things have not always been easy with the economy we are in. That probably does not make sense to you now, but know you have reminded me to keep going back to the “pitching mound” every day in a business sense. 

I am incredibly proud to be your dad. Your future is filled with possibilities. I pray that you continue to read God’s word and receive your identity in Jesus. This is a thought I was reminded of in church recently, so it bears repeating: You cannot find your identity. You can only receive it.  I must confess that on too many days, I have chased finding it. But it was never meant to be found. 

Jesus is your perfect Father. I am your very imperfect father. Being a Christian is recognizing that you cannot save yourself. While achievements are great, and progress is part of being a member of a productive society, no amount of achievement works in the end. There is always a gap, always a hole.

Therefore, I pray that you receive your identity as you enter your teen years. 

You have nothing to prove to your earthly father. 

You have nothing to prove to your Heavenly Father. 

You are accepted, and you are loved. 

Praise the Lord. 

Love, 

Dad 

My daughter turns seven today. Here is a letter to her. 

Dear Sadie,  

There is a movie I have written about on my blog before called “About Time” — someday in the future, I will watch it with you. At the end of the movie, there’s a moment where the father transports himself back to a time he spent with his young son on the beach. His son runs into the waves, plays, and laughs; it’s a perfect moment that the dad wants to remember about his son’s childhood. 

There will come a time when I will think back to this year and remember you at this age. I will remember you dancing in our kitchen. I will remember your bright pink outfits. I will remember hearing you singing “Let It Go” in the shower. And I will certainly remember the warmth of you cuddling up next to me as we watched one of the lousy shows the boys picked for us to watch on TV. 

There will come a time when I hope you begin to know how meaningful these moments have been to me. When I think of how uniquely special all three of you are, I can’t help but think of how unique your gentleness is — it has touched a deep part of me this year. Jesus talked about the faith of a child, and it is clear that his gentleness has been entrusted to you as a gift. Your gentleness is heavenly. So, share sparingly. 

There will come a time when I have advice to offer in this letter, but not today. Today, keep twirling. Keep singing. Keep dancing. And when the harder times and lessons come, I advise you to fall back into these childhood habits. After all, you’ve taught me that it is better not to take life, or yourself, too seriously. 

We actually are better off dancing. 

To that end, there will also come a day when I look back and dream I could see my dancing seven-year-old one more time. 

With all the love in the world, 

Dad

In commemoration of Will’s 11th birthday on August 16, 2022. 

Dear Will, 

There is a picture from the day you were born that I have often thought about this spring. We’re in the hospital room, and I am holding you with my back to the TV. There’s a Chicago Cubs game on. I think back to that moment and remember imagining the moments that would come…moments like taking you to your first baseball game, Little League, and watching you play ball. This spring, I watched you develop into a leader on your baseball team. You hit, defended, and were the player your coach counted on to pitch when the game was on the line. I think my heart raced at about 150 beats per minute when that happened, but you stayed calm. This amazed me. 

I do not know when you will read these words, so let me clarify my thoughts before going forward. As I told you this spring, I want you to know that I could care less about the results of your athletic progress. These days, there’s too much emphasis on performance, especially when it comes to child athletics. Let me state clearly that my love for you is not conditional. I do not care how well you play golf, baseball, or any other chosen sport. I love you regardless. 

Attitude

My favorite moment of this past baseball season was when you gave up a home run. You had never given up an inside-the-park home run before. The opposing player hit a long pop fly that your right fielder probably should have caught — but instead, the ball dropped and rolled to the fence. It was an instant home run! You brushed it off, shook your head, and had a facial expression that said, “oh well.” 

If you can take that attitude with you whenever life hits an inside-the-park home run on you, it will be incredible to witness the places you will go. I care far more about your mindset and character than your performance. To that end, you amaze me even more! 

Kindness

There is always an example of your kindness to behold. Just this morning, for example, you made your brother breakfast. You were not asked to — you simply did it because you wanted it to be ready for him when he came downstairs. The friendship you two share is also something to behold. My prayer is that friendship only deepens in the years to come. Never lose that friendship. Cling to it. It will be a steadying force in the years to come. 

Meanwhile, your gentleness to Sadie is instructive to me. Mom and I can tell that you are growing up faster than we would like, yet you are willing to go to Sadie’s level to connect with her. It is humbling to watch you be so kind and loving. It reminds me to similarly meet people where they are, appearances be damned. 

As you can tell, the last few years have been hard in many respects. And being your dad has been such a gift to me. That would always have been the case, but in the chaos of the last few years I think I appreciate it more than I would have otherwise. The joy I feel watching a game with you, seeing you before I leave for work, and especially watching you play, is indescribable. It settles my feet on otherwise shaky ground. I hope you read these words years from now and realize the gift your childhood was for me, your dad. They brought light to an otherwise dark time. They gave me life. 

And playing catch with you takes me back to 1980-something when I did not have a care in the world. It was, and is, freeing in a way that nothing else is.  

I love you, son. 

I will always love you. 

Dad.  

A few years ago, I started posting a letter to my late grandfather on his birthday. I’ve found it to be a great way to remember and honor him — but I’ll admit that I wish I could tell him the things I write in my letter or that he could at least read it himself. It is this feeling of longing that drove me to start writing and posting birthday letters to my three kids. I plan on writing this blog for years to come, so my hope is that they will be able to come here and read them over time. 

Why am I sharing these letters in such a public way? Because I hope they will have value to you as a reader. As you read these, I invite you to remember what you love about those closest to you. If you are a parent, consider writing your kids their own birthday letter. The letter-writing process will help you remember what you love about them. And let that love overflow to how you lead other human beings. You cannot give what you do not possess. So let the power of remembering (I’ll talk more on this next week) increase your love and positively impact your leadership.  

Here is my letter to Sadie… 

Dear Sadie, 

Joy entered my world on August 2, 2016. Let me be clear that joy existed before this day. In fact, as we often talk about at home, true Joy can only be found in Jesus. I know this sounds dumbfounding to those who do not know Jesus, but there is no better love. Indescribable love gives birth to the truest Joy on the planet, for it is worth everything.   

But your arrival was an added dimension to the joy I had previously known. Like the first sights of faith, an entirely new world was opened up to me. Suddenly, I could see new colors — often pink and purple! And wow, those colors are beautiful! It was, and is, amazing. Since then, each day spans the spectrum of the rainbow.  

As you turn six, I already see characteristics developing that will shape the adult person you will become. You are determined. I call you “Momma Jean” as you dole out demands to your two older brothers. They comply out of love and because you are someone they want to follow. They want to follow you because the only human love I have seen matched is from your mom, my wife! There are moments when I see your love in action and gasp, realizing this is what your mom must have been like at your age. It is like I can see into the past with more clarity now. All because you are amazing, just like your mom. 

One thing of note before I go forward: You are amazing simply because you exist. You have a God-purchased amazing identity. This is not contingent on what you do or don’t do. If your eyes see this down the road when life is hard — and life always gets hard — realize that your identity is amazing because of Whose you are, not because of what you do. The same for me. The same for mom. The same for everyone. 

If there is anything better than a “Sadie hug” on this side of heaven, I have not found it. Those hugs are the most life-giving hugs on the planet. They change something deep inside my soul, offering reassurance that things can be good again. And they often lead to you calling for “family hugs.” The boys roll their eyes and typically flee the room, but it is their loss. I will take hugs from your mom and you every single day! 

I will end with remembering our family room dances, always initiated by you. Twirling you, hearing your infectious laughter, and seeing that smile only mom can rival, are the things that make life precious. I find myself wishing these moments would never end.  

My love for you only grows and grows. 

While I excitedly anticipate the adult you will inevitably become, something tells me that I will one day mentally go back to this time right now. A time when you are a little girl with an outstretched hand, twirling, dancing, and falling into my embrace. 

There is nothing better. There will never be anything better. 

I love you. Happy 6th birthday, my special little girl.

Dad