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The two things needed to become more patient are present in every organization. As you can tell by the title of this post, the gift of people and resistance is the focus and how each of these help to grow one’s patience.

If you are like me, perhaps the time your impatience is most noticeable is when you are on the road and in a hurry to get somewhere. Naturally, these are the times when other people are on the road also and every stop light turns red. People and resistance remind us of our impatience. So, the next time this happens to you take a deep breath, and grow in patience.

Easier said than done, right?

To be sure, not all impatience is bad. For example, impatience around social justice is healthy. Similarly, improving the speed we have access to information can help both people and organizations make better decisions. There are many more examples of healthy impatience.

But, in the context of leadership, there is wisdom in patience. This is so because leadership is always about relating to other human beings. Leaders who are intentionally patient with people, while strategically impatient with change in their organizations, are the ones worth following.

In relating to other people, leaders worth following strive to be the kind of people who accept diverse viewpoints. Other people naturally have different views, values, and even political beliefs (oh my!). Learning to listen to them, understand them, and value them, is a key element of leadership. Patience is the key that opens the door to it.

Similarly, every new idea a leader has is bound to face resistance. This is so because other people have, as I just mentioned, different ideas, values, and beliefs. Again, this is a good thing because it forces a leader to think differently about the ideas they have. This process also requires patience since impatience plows forward without any consideration. It barges through the door, rather than taking the time to properly open it. When this happens, a leader tramples others rather than leading them.

Occasionally, when I am processing my day with Sarah, usually as she is cooking dinner, I will say something incredibly foolish about how frequently I was interrupted that day by people. Sarah then looks at me with a smile and asks, “isn’t that your job?”

She is right …… like almost all the time.

I share this because my worst moments as a leader are the ones when I am so bogged down by processes and to-do lists, that I am impatient with others. The same can be said when I hold so tightly to my ideas that I disregard the resistance of others. Conversely, I am at my best when I make time for others and hear their ideas. Often, their resistance to my idea helps me make the idea better than it was when it was just mine.

People, and resistance, will grow your patience. The next time you notice them in your life, I challenge you to slow down, lean in, and grow in patience.

You will become a better person and a better leader in the process.

In a few months there will be the usual onslaught of commencement speakers, albeit this time on ZOOM, across the nation. Since I won’t be speaking anywhere, here is the advice I would give to graduates. It happens to be the same advice I would give to leaders.

First off, read insatiably. Living in the Information Age, everyone is bombarded with information. We have more media than ever. Yet, we are becoming shallow and settling for crumbs rather than the full entree. This is why graduates should start with reading. Notice that reading is not skimming. It is also not listening. It is definitely not scrolling. It is reading, or the activity that people have done for thousands and thousands of years. It is a form of slowing, thinking, and contemplating. It is adamantly opposed to immediate reactions, meaning thinking is required!

What should you read? In short, everything. Your learning should be insatiable. It should challenge you, and at times, tick you off. There is a growing danger in our world of only skimming what we agree with. If you want to set yourself apart, read what you vehemently disagree with. Understand the other’s point of view. Don’t be surprised when others judge you for doing this because it will change you. It will also give you the kind of depth that is intimidating to those who are shallow. But press on, because you can only become the real you by reading insatiably. For, it is the surest way to self-discovery!

Next, define the endpoint. The endpoint is your destination. Others may disagree, but I found it impossible to “chase my passion” when I was twenty-years-old because I had so many passions. It was not until I read hundreds of books (yes hundreds!) that my passion became clearer. From there I could define the endpoint and set the course.

This advice seems obvious, but it is easy to fall prey to the temptation of chasing multiple endpoints. For example, some say their endpoint is a successful career in whatever field their passion is. In their next breath, however, they also claim to want to —eventually —be happily married with kids. The conventional advice nowadays is that you can have it all! I have come to discover that is only partly true. In this example, a successful career and happy family can be opposed. The career may cost more than the spouse, or kids, are willing to pay. So, which endpoint are you willing to sacrifice for?

I am not making a judgment statement on which one matters more. Rather, I am asking you to decide and be clear on your decision. What are your priorities, really? What does success look like to you? What can’t you live without? These are some of the questions you need to answer in order to define your endpoint. There is no rush in determining these answers, but they have to be determined eventually. Otherwise, you risk gaining the whole world and losing your soul.

Finally, this brings us to the last point, begin. Be impatient to start! Here is something I learned later, no one tells you when the race begins, so just start! If you want to be an entrepreneur, start a business online now. Learn what works in attracting customers, and also learn what does not. If it fails, so be it. The same can be said for just about any other field; start small, begin, and learn.

This last step takes what you have learned in reading, combines it with the direction you want your life to go, and tests it in the way a hypothesis is tested in a lab. Action is humble in its respect for the preciousness of time. For it never presumes time’s availability at a later date. So, out of gratitude it uses what’s there today by beginning.

These three together—reading insatiably, defining the endpoint, and beginning—place one at the start of a trail. Notice that your gender, sexuality, religion, race, or any other marker, does not matter to the advice given above. Nor, do the limiting beliefs inside your head, or of those around you.

All of that is noise.

What matters is your ability to take in the surroundings, absorb what is around you, and move towards your endpoint one step at a time.

So, let the journey begin!

One of the my favorite weeks of the year is the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Work seems to wind down, while time with family winds up. Having three kids (9-7-4 respectively) our house was full of energy this year. Unlike other years, however, we had nowhere to go. This combination worked well about 95% of the time, but the other 5% was more indicative of me than our family.

If you haven’t noticed in my other posts, I am a type-A driven leader. My natural inclination is to wake up early and start working the “plan.” Our 9 year old is my junior in this sense. He gets up early, gets his plan done, and he even voices displeasure at how messy the house (sometimes) gets. More so, he organizes and cleans the house himself because “he cannot stand it” (Our parenting book entitled, “Making Children Work For You” hits stores in the Spring – just kidding). Meanwhile, our other two kids are awesome and profound in their own ways, but not as concerned with how orderly the house is.

I mention all this because it sets the scene for my frustration with our kids just being kids one afternoon during the week between Christmas and New Year’s. By kids being kids, I mean three kids running around the house (a clear violation of our house rules – running is only allowed in the basement!), and making things messy. Even our 9 year old gave into temptation and allowed things to go (trust me, he would have cleaned it all up later!). I do not know if it was the cloudy skies outside, or the cabin fever inside, but I turned into a caricature of a grumpy old man. The next thing I knew I was barking orders at the kids that were akin to Clint Eastwood yelling, “get off my lawn.” While some of my lines made Sarah chuckle — she is too kind to say such things — the words were overly harsh. I soon felt convicted that the harsh words said towards the kids were more an indication of where my heart was rather than their actions. This realization led me to do two things: journal and ask for forgiveness.

Pete Scazzero stresses the importance of journaling on the “iceberg,” in his book, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.” 80% of an iceberg is below the surface of the water and Scazzero contends 80% of our emotions are hidden inside us, or below our surface. So, the act of journaling about what we are feeling helps us not only understand what we are feeling, but frees us from being enslaved to those feelings. Or, in my case above, from lashing out at my kids for no good reason. Four questions that help in this process are: What are you mad about? What are you sad about? What are you anxious about? And, what are you glad about?

Answering these questions is vital for leaders because they cannot lead others well without understanding what is going on inside themselves. Let that sink in. Leaders cannot lead others well without understanding what is going on inside themselves. If 80% of your car’s engine was not attuned to your steering wheel, how safe would that car be? Driving down a rural street absent from people might not be too much of a problem and could even be fun for a while. But, take that car into a city where there are people present and disaster awaits. Leadership always involves other people. So, if you are out-of-touch with 80% of yourself, how can you keep from running over those you are attempting to lead?

This brings me back to the second thing I did, ask for forgiveness. One of the things I want to model as a parent is my willingness to say I am sorry and mean it. This is why I mess up so often (I wish!). Whether it is “tossing” a golf club down in their presence, saying a naughty word when the refs blow a call in the football game we are watching, or saying a harsh thing to them as in the above, I always ask for forgiveness. More so, I explain why what I did was wrong in the first place. In the above, I did emphasize the importance of safety (no running), while also giving them space to be kids and make a mess for the time being (my issue). We then all went downstairs to the basement and had a blast!

Before closing, I also want to model this in leadership. I have said harsh things to direct reports in the past and asked for forgiveness. Maybe, this is your application today. If there is someone in your life you need to apologize to, I suggest you stop reading this post and go apologize.

I close with this reminder, harsh words said to others often reflects the hidden you. When you feel, and say, harsh words, I challenge you to ask why? What are you mad about? Sad about? What hurt from the past is bubbling up? Or, what resentment do you need to process in your journal, or with someone else over coffee?

Doing this kind of internal work is not glamorous. But, leaders are always the kinds of people that do the things no one else wants to do, especially the work on the inside of themselves. They do this because in order to be someone worth following, they need to orient 100% of themselves towards other human beings. While the work of emotional health is always ongoing, the process and self-actualization described above helps leaders stay focused on those they are leading.

More books have been written about Abraham Lincoln than any historical figure save Jesus Christ. So, there is not much I can add to what has already been said about our 16th President. What I want to do instead is apply one aspect of his wisdom to modern-day leadership.

David Reynolds’ 2020 book, Abe: Abraham Lincoln In His Times, is a biography of Lincoln that details the various cultural forces present in his day. The most obvious being the battle between abolitionists in the North and slave holders in the South. By the time Lincoln became a relevant national figure in 1858, this debate was at a fever pitch and the country was on the brink of war.

One aspect of the book that makes it worthwhile for leaders is its demonstration of how Lincoln used language to pursue his belief that slavery needed to be abolished. Unlike some of the more arduous abolitionists of his day, Lincoln often clothed his rhetoric in moderation. He did this for two reasons. First, he wanted to ensure that he could attract the most people to his side. Leaders, as I write often here, are those others follow. So, what good would it do Lincoln to use language that could possibly alienate those on the fence? Admittedly, those of us in the twenty-first century have a hard time understanding how anyone could be on the “fence” with slavery, but history details how many there really were.

Next, Lincoln also used language of moderation to advance his own agenda. We don’t think of Lincoln as a politician, but in reality he was. Lincoln was “political” in the sense that he understood how his words would either attract, or detract, others. So, in the political sense he had to ensure that he could attract enough votes to gain the positional authority—the Presidency—to achieve his aims. While historians still debate whether the Lincoln of 1860 believed in the full emancipation of slaves, or whether it took three years of civil war for him to get to that point, what is apparent is that Lincoln was intentional in the years leading up to his Presidency with regards to the slavery issue.

The point for modern leaders to consider is that of language. Does the language unite, or divide? If it is the latter, not only are followers lost, but influence is also lost. To that end, we need to consider what is worth losing influence over and what is not. For example, is it worth losing influence over the political issues of our modern day? Or, is there a deeper cause worth fighting for that people can unite to? Only the leader can answer that question.

What is apparent in our day is the power of language. Admittedly, I am free speech advocate. This means I welcome debate, especially the kind that I do not agree with. To that end, I am troubled by the silencing that is going on in our country even though, often times I do not agree with the views of those being silenced.

My encouragement to those people, however, would be to use language in a more effective matter much like Lincoln did. Please note, history states that many still disagreed with Lincoln. After all, the bloodiest war in our country’s history was fought after he was elected President, but, he made every attempt to unite the nation with conciliatory language, as evidenced in his second inaugural:

“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

Despite Lincoln’s best efforts, however, he was gunned down 41 days later by someone present when he said the above, John Wilkes Booth.

I close here because despite our best efforts, our language may still divide. As leaders, however, we are responsible for making effort to unite and bring people together. Our nation has progressed because this is what Abraham Lincoln did.

The other day I was walking through our plants and noticed that a few presses were running slow. In our business, a slow cycle hurts profitability and delays orders. It should always be addressed. Yet, when the Plant Manager walked up to me and asked how things were going, I did not mention the slow cycle time. Rather, we talked about some general work things and then pivoted to our shared interests outside of work.

Walking back to my office I felt like a failure. I knew what I should have done, yet I did not do it. The difference between knowing and doing is often the difference between poor, and good, leadership. In this moment, I was obviously a poor leader.

I later shared this story with Sarah and reflected on why I did not do my job. For starters, I value the relationship I have with this Manager and placed that priority above doing my job. But, this is the unloving thing to do. As Sarah pointed out, if I truly cared for this person shouldn’t I have had the conversation with him to help him get better? Isn’t that the loving thing to do, rather than leaving him to fend for himself?

Worse, I did not have the conversation because of my own comfort level. I could list a bunch of excuses here: this happened in the middle of December and I was tired from all the demands of year-end, this mold was running in a press that is problematic or this Plant Manager has had to deal with more personnel problems this year than any of our other Managers — see, I had rehearsed them all in my head. But, these were all excuses! The truth is that I was being selfish and putting my own comfort first over doing my job. The truth is also that leadership is about doing the things that nobody else wants to do because they are uncomfortable (and often not fun to do).

After talking about this with Sarah, we prayed as we do every night after the kids go to bed. I use a helpful acronym (C.H.A.T.: Confess, Honor, Ask, Thanksgiving) to guide my prayers, so I began confessing all the things I had done wrong this day. This started with confessing the lack of love, and selfishness, I exhibited above. Whether or not you are one who prays, I would encourage all leaders to have daily reflection so they can own, and then take action on, their mistakes.

After asking God for forgiveness, I moved on with the night. But, the story does not end there.

The following day, I did what I should have done the day before by acting. Not only was the conversation short and respectful, the Manager even laughed and said he was relieved I brought it up. Together, we devised a plan to get the mold into a press that would allow it to run at cycle.

The reality is that I will mess up again in the future. I suspect that you will too. All leaders make mistakes. Owning the mistakes, when they happen, and taking action to correct them, are the things that make leaders people others want to follow into the future.

My leadership in 2020 quite possibly pivoted on one, single conversation. While there were countless important conversations in 2020, one outweighed them all. It outweighed all the others because had it not happened, the door would have been shut to possibility.

The conversation was one I had on ZOOM with my Executive Coach. It was sometime in the Spring, at the beginning of the pandemic, and I was outlining where the business was. Without thinking about it in advance, the words came out of my mouth that, “we probably would not be profitable for the next few months because our business had taken a downturn.” There is so much wrong in that statement that it is embarrassing to write in this blog, but it is what I said in the moment. Without hesitation, my coach immediately pushed back and asked, why?

I had more reasons for “why” than I care to share here. I had rehearsed them while I worked out, while I vented to my wife about what the politicians were doing, and even to my sisters as we talked about the downturn. I was proficient at this question, but I knew what my coach was getting at. He did not want to hear any of those lame excuses. What he wanted was extreme ownership.

I paused before responding.

I thought for a second.

Deep down inside me I knew I had already errored by surrendering leadership to circumstances. This kind of blaming, and lack of responsibility, is the birthplace of lousy leaders. As dark as the current situation was, and our company had just taken a loss, I had to turn on the flashlight and begin crawling out of the darkness.

I had to believe.

Before going on further, some of you are rolling your eyes at the word believe because you have been punched in the face one too many times. I get it. I am a driven, type-A leader. Belief on its own won’t get you to the promised land. Like Joshua and Caleb, we are going to have to work hard to enter the promised land. But also like Joshua and Caleb, we are going to have to believe the promised land is where we need to be.

Without belief, the only guarantee is failure. With belief, opportunity arises.

So, I responded back to my coach that I knew what he was going to tell me. After he asked me what that was, I told him that I could not open the door to disbelief. Rather, I had to LEAD our team with the BELIEF that we COULD be profitable.

A few days later, someone on our operational team asked whether we could reforecast our sales and profit goals. My immediate answer was no.

The team pushed back.

I stood my ground.

We must hold the line, I told them. While we did not choose the pandemic, it is what we are dealing with. Further, if we gave an inch, everyone would take a mile — not because they are lazy, but only because they are human and had multiple demands being placed on them in, and out, of the workplace. I repeated, we are holding the line.

We had to collectively believe profitability was possible.

I do not have time to go into all the things we did, but rest assured the hard work was done by our various teams. They worked harder than ever before. They are the heroes in this story. Because of their hard work, we handed out more in bonuses in December than we had the year before. Our operational team now believes they can reach higher goals in future years because of how everyone came together.

They believe now too.

Leaders, your team will rise or fall to the level of your belief. This starts with your attitude about everything and everyone.

Believe in your company.

Believe in your teammates.

Believe everyone can get better, starting with you.

Believe you can overcome when things get bad.

Believe you can work whatever the problem is.

Believe.