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The last week has been momentous for America. Naturally, I found myself having several conversations during the week about what was transpiring. Therefore, I am pivoting from my original post for this week and writing this post on January 8th. To be sure, what follows is not about politics. In fact, I started taking these actions long before last week. Division, in my opinion, is so prevalent that as a leader I need to have a plan. So, below is my plan. The challenge, as always, is for you to create your own. Without civility, leadership wanes and eventually dissipates because no one follows uncivil leaders for long.

Action 1: I am flooding my mind with the Bible.

I have always been disciplined about reading the Bible. But I am upping the ante this year. Why? Simply stated, we live in an era dominated by information so I want to ensure that my mind is filled with God’s word more than anything else. To do this, I am using the app “Bible in One Year” from Alpha. I invite anyone needing some hope to join me. With regards to civility, it leads to Action 2.

Action 2: I am praying more.

Prayer, understood properly, is a means of ACTION that connects us with God to see the world in the way God sees it (i.e., as it is unveiled in his Word, the Bible). My prayer starts with confession where I spend time identifying all my messes. It then leads to repentance, or when I ask God for help to walk in the opposite direction of those messes. I then praise God using attributes in the Bible (forgiveness, sovereignty, and countless others!). Then, I move to praying for others and myself (more on that in a second). Finally, I finish with thanksgiving. Thanksgiving reorients my life to what good is happening, even on weeks like last week.

So how does prayer lead to civility? Prayer is always more about changing who you are —becoming the person God wants you to be which is always, among many other things, more loving—rather than about “getting what you want.” So, I spend time praying for others, especially those I disagree with. I do this because it helps me see the world from their perspective by thinking about what they might need from God. This inevitability grows my love for them. For example, I once prayed so much for a customer who was giving me a hard time that I started loving them six months into it (it took about six months for me to overcome my lack of love!). A year later, after this customer had been fired from their own company, they called me first. This is not to brag; it is just an example of what prayer does: Praying increased my love for this person. And prayer always does this! To this day I think fondly of this person, despite some of the harsh things they said to me before I started praying for them.

Action 3: I am limiting my news intake to the A.M. only.

Are you still with me? If so, stop participating in the 24/7 news cycle. Seriously. STOP. It is unhealthy for everyone. Instead of doing this, I am reading two newsletters from the Wall Street Journal and a few articles in the paper that I find interesting. Then I stop, go to work, and actually work instead of being consumed by the news. When I get home at night, I unplug from the news. It will all be there in the morning. How does this help civility? Rest from the news gives one perspective and time to think. What would happen if individuals in our country thought more about what was happening rather than reacting on the spot to everything?

Action 4: I have eliminated all social media but LinkedIn.

I wrote about this last month, so I will make this brief. Social Media has positive elements so I am not going to say that it is all negative. But, my experience of it has demonstrated that people —including me! —are willing to post things on it that they would otherwise not say in public. This is not healthy. Combine it with the comparison game, or in my case, my temptation to make myself look better than I am, the right choice for me was to stop using it. If you are getting worked up reading what others are saying, either those you agree with or those you disagree with, it is time to get off of it. Let me repeat, it is time for you to shut your accounts down! Staying on, to quote Dr. Henry Cloud, is akin to having someone pee in your cereal and you complain how it tastes. Social media influences your brain and heart, and you need both to be civil. Use the time you used to spend on social media to do number 1 above, and number 5…

Action 5: I am reading more history books.

At the risk of over-generalizing, it feels like our society has lost perspective. History always gives perspective. What our country is facing right now is both similar in some ways, and different in other ways, from challenges in the past. It takes a thorough understanding of history to assess to assess what is really going on and why it matters. So, why not spend twenty minutes a day reading history and learning so that you can put what is happening in its appropriate context?

For leaders this is particularly important. If we are charting the course for others to follow, shouldn’t we have an understanding of the past? Furthermore, as it relates to civility, shouldn’t we be reading books about the wrongs of the past (like slavery and racial injustices) that grow our compassion and understanding for people not like us? And wouldn’t that time be far more impactful and more useful than reading what our high school “friend”- who we have not seen in twenty years—has to say about what happened last week on social media?

Civility is still possible.

Let that sink in because I know to many it does not feel like it.

It is going to take leaders, people that are worth following, to forge the way of civility. I am not waiting for politicians to figure this out.

Rather, I am going to be civil right now.

More aptly, I am going to love because I am loved by a heavenly Father. Thanks be to Jesus for that.

Will you join me?

Occasionally, I pause from leadership topics to write a more personal post. This is one of those. What follows may seem fictional, but I can assure you that it is not. My ask is that you share this post with someone if you think it will give them encouragement.

My story begins with a small pain, the kind that is both not that noticeable, but never fully gone. After living with this on-and-off again pain throughout the Summer, I mentioned it to my doctor during my annual physical. Is it a hernia, I asked? She was not concerned, but referred me to a surgeon just to be sure.

Before using her referral, however, I wanted to make an appointment with another surgeon I knew personally from my golf club. So, I called his office and tried to make an appointment. The switchboard, however, asked me several questions, and I ended up being told I needed to see someone else altogether. While this sounds immaterial, it later became important because it forced me to see the surgeon my doctor had ultimately referred me to.

A week later, the day after my birthday no less, I discovered I needed double hernia surgery. While this surgery was needed—eventually—the doctor gave me the option for “watchful waiting.” So, over the course of the next week or so I prayed and asked God for some guidance as to what I should do. While I did not feel an “epiphany,” I did come to terms with the peaceful feeling that October 23rd would be my surgery date and the best time to get this taken care of. Health first, I thought.

Little did I know how much the health first lesson would be driven home in the following weeks…

The surgery day came and the procedure went seemingly well. That is until I tried to walk post procedure. I immediately felt a pain that I had never had before. I felt so nauseous that I almost passed out. The nurse assured me that this was normal, probably a side-effect of the anesthesia. A few hours later, Sarah and I were at home eating a small dinner.

It was the last meal I would eat for seven days.

The next morning began with more serious pain. I felt bloated, tired, and simply uncomfortable. The doctor had told me prior to surgery that I would be okay to walk the neighborhood the day after surgery, but that felt like a pipe dream. Tomorrow, I thought.

Tomorrow came but it was much worse. This led Sarah to call the doctor on call, and I will spare you the details of what the doctor suggested that I try to alleviate my symptoms because they were the kind of measures too embarrassing to share here. “If they don’t work,” the doctor said, “then you need to come in.”

By 8 p.m. I was admitted into the emergency room. This led to a quick CT scan and the emergency room doctor telling me that I was going to be admitted after they inserted an “NG Tube” into me.

Objective Pause 1.0

What is an “NG Tube?” A nasogastric tube (NG tube) is a special tube that carries food and medicine to the stomach through the nose. In other words, the only way in is up through the nose and down into the stomach. I asked the nurse how long “this fun” (I used those words) would take, and she said that it would be the “longest” two minutes of my life. With that, I told Sarah to take a walk, and the three of us (another nurse was present) started the weirdest “fraternity” party of my life —I call this a “fraternity” party because one nurse yelled for me to “chug” water through a straw while the tube went down my throat. This was to ensure that it went into my stomach and not my lung.

I cannot find any two minutes that capture 2020 more than these two.

The days—not hours—to come were complex. The first day featured a litany of tests that confounded my doctor because I passed them all. Could this simply be that my stomach was “slow” to wake up post-surgery? In hopes that this was the case, the doctor ordered a test where a “dye” was injected into my IV. The goal was to see whether it could make it all the way through my system. While this is a little gross to put in writing, it is important to share because a few hours later led to the closest thing I have ever experienced in terms of a dark night of the soul.

It was about 8 p.m. in the evening, or about 5 hours after the test had begun, when the pain went from a “5” to a “10.” I was writhing in pain by 8:30 p.m. I am not too proud to admit that I began crying out God. This is no figure of speech either, I was so uncomfortable that I was literally talking aloud in my hospital room. By 11:30 p.m. the pain was so intense that I was asking Jesus to take me home.

Objective Pause 2.0

There is much to say about pain and why God allows pain in our lives. There is a lot to say even about sin, the fallibility of man, and theology in general. I am happy to go into more detail of what I believe in person, but suffice it for now to say that I have gone astray in my personal life. I am a sinner, meaning I often choose “my will” and preferences, over God’s. Further, I often think “my way” is best. But it never is. While this does not fully explain pain, the reality is that one day I will die because death is the natural consequence of separation from God (the source of life). So to a certain extent, the pain I was feeling in this instance may not have been “fair,” but it was certainty not “unjust.” In fact, it is only because of amazing grace that I don’t experience more pain in my life.

Objective Pause 2.5

I would also be remiss to say that even though I have had moments in my life where I felt God speak in one way or another, this moment was not one of them. That said, and as events would play out, I still never felt alone. This was admittedly an odd juxtaposition. But, spiritual life is not simple or explainable. So, I cannot adequately explain any of this and make note of that reality here.

By the mercy of God, the pain eventually subsided throughout the night. The next morning I began circling the hall of my hospital floor pushing my IV. I was encouraged to do this by the doctor in order to get my system moving. The nurses cheered me on as I walked lap after lap (about 380 feet per lap). I would end up totaling over 100 laps over the course of the week, an accomplishment that the fighter in me is proud of!

For the sake of time, the next two days were a mixed bag. There were moments when my system seemed to indicate that I was on the path to healing. But, these were quickly followed by the harsh reality that something was still very wrong. By 5:00 p.m. on night four in the hospital, the surgeon looked at me and said that he thought he needed to operate the next morning. I fully agreed.

Objective Pause 3.0

As the surgeon told me, you never want to be the “odd” medical case. Nor, do you want to be the case that stumps the surgeon. Nor, do you want to be the case the surgeon needs help on. Nor, do you want to be the case that delays all the other surgeries the following morning. As luck would have it, I was all of the above!

I awoke early the morning of October 30th and did my Bible reading. Afterwards, I spent time praying for the nurses, staff, and doctors that would take care of me that day. I cannot explain how or why, but I had a sense of confidence. The one thing I wanted to avoid was MORE surgery, yet over the course of the previous five days, I had surrendered to God’s will. In fact, I told God, “I do not like what is happening, but I trust you Father. I do not get it, but I know you are Good. My hope is not in this surgery being successful, but in an eternity with you.” In fact, the more alone time I had that week, the more I realized how vain my hopes often are: business, success, political outcomes, material things, etc. These things are not bad, they just are not as important as I often make them. I also thanked God for how strong my wife is and was through all of this. What a blessing it is to have a rock, human speaking, in times like these! I am blessed beyond belief!

As I lay on my bed awaiting surgery, I observed how beautiful the culture is at Delnor Hospital. Nurses hugged each other, doctors gave each other fist bumps, and everyone treated me with respect. My surgeon was ALL-IN throughout the week and met me before 6:30 a.m. on surgery day. Having sported a University of Iowa headband during our first surgery, the historian in me joked that today, “we are all Hawkeyes,” which made him laugh (look up President Reagan’s exchange with his surgeon in 1981 for context).

The good Lord took it from there. Here are the two texts Sarah sent our family to summarize how my surgery went:

“Surgery was a success! Praise the Lord. Apparently there was a small tear in the periteneum (sp?)—thin layer between muscle and intestines. This happened during surgery or after. We don’t know. But a small piece of the small intestine got caught in it and caused an obstruction. Dr pulled it out—intestine is totally healthy so he put it back in place and sewed the hole shut. (This is my layman’s understanding lol!). Bottom line is he will be fine!!! Hopefully going home tomorrow or Saturday. Thank you for your prayers. God is so good even when things are hard. And we are so thankful for the community of support we have!

Another cool god thing is that the surgeon said in 25 years of practice he’s never seen this happen. BUT recently there was a virtual surgery conference and he happened to click on a session about post op complications that showed exactly this. It’s what gave him the nudge to do surgery and it was exactly what he found.”

Objective Pause 4.0

I am thankful that I somehow was directed to this surgeon, even when I tried to make an appointment with a different one. I do not have enough faith to believe this was happenstance. Rather, I believe it was the divine hand of God.

5 Lessons

As I write these words, six days have now passed since my second surgery. My health continues to improve, and I am walking about 3 miles per day outside! Here are some thoughts to end this post:

1. In manufacturing, and apparently surgery, things happen. It is not a matter of “if”, but rather a matter of how you react when they do. I thank God that I had someone who worked the problem with me. This is what leaders do! (And, in case you are wondering, as unfortunate as my situation was, I hold no ill-will or blame towards anyone.)
2. I spent seven days not eating, most experiencing the pain of my small intestine breaching an abdominal wall. Still, my self-talk during this week often revolved around calling myself names for not being a “man” with pain. This is a humble lesson to learn. Negative self-talk does not help anything. Further, I will take pain a lot more seriously in the future.
3. While this blog will continue to talk about leadership and personal development, this experience teaches me that my priorities are: God, health, Sarah, kids, and everything else. Why that order? Because without health I am of little good to Sarah, the kids, and Hoffer Plastics.
4. While I was in the hospital, Hoffer Plastics had an AWESOME October. I am so replaceable it is both funny and awesome. This is just one more reason to take health seriously…(Great job team!)
5. While I cannot speak for anyone else, my hope is rooted in the eyewitness account of the resurrection of Jesus. Nothing else matters.

In closing, I suppose if 2020 has taught me anything, it is to keep the faith when life gets hard, humility is a virtue we should all strive for, and always expect the unexpected.

2020 has been a year unlike any other, except, there HAVE been years like 2020. Wait, how can that be? In reading John Barry’s, The Great Influenza, I discovered how the influenza pandemic of 1918-1920 was horrific in ways unmatched since. Racial, and even political divisions, have also been greater in our history – years like 1860 and 1968, come to mind. Further, the economic recession this past Spring does not even compare to the Great Depression. While these may be considered “small wins,” in the year of 2020, they are not even that. They just simply are. And, they point to the need for a collective perspective.

Perspective is rare these days because discontentment, anger, and rage have never been more in vogue. The point of this post is not to dwell into the necessity of societal change — my position is that it is, to some degree, needed —but rather, to take a time-out from such dialogue in order to gain perspective. I submit that leaders are worth following when they get above the fray, look onto the horizon, and remind their followers not only what they (still) have, but also what they have received. With the time remaining in this post, I will do just that.

Perspective always leads to thanksgiving. For me, this is true because perspective always begins with the realization that I am not God. Therefore, all that I have is not “mine” necessarily. I did not arrange to be born into my family of origin, have the upbringing I had, nor the amazing hair genes that I have! But, I am truly thankful for all of this.

While the 18 year old version of me —dyed blond hair no less—thought to a certain extent that I was god, something transpired over the following 7 years that changed me from the inside-out. While this transformation may provoke eye-rolls, I found that doing life with Jesus has been entirely transformative for me. I am not embarrassed by that or Him, hence my inclusion here. I am so thankful I am His.

I am thankful that I met a girl named Sarah in 2005 at a church event at Joe’s Bar off North Avenue in Chicago. Marrying her continues to be the best human decision I have ever made. I am thankful she has not grown tired of me yet, especially this year when I have been extra moody on occasion. I am, and always will be, thankful for Sarah.

Will, Ben, and Sadie, are amazing blessings that continually remind me of my fallen nature. They know exactly how to push my buttons, which always reminds me how much I have to grow in terms of patience. That said, we have a lot of fun together and I could not have asked for better kids. I am thankful for them.

I spend an inordinate amount of time at work and I am thankful every Monday morning that I have a job. You might find this hard to believe, but I started 2008 unemployed as a high school substitute teacher – one course short of a Master’s degree. That humbling experience taught me to value every day that I am employed. It also taught me that my “professional why” is largely based on using the skills I have been given to ensure that people have jobs. Therefore, I am thankful for work, even when it is really hard like it has often been in 2020.

I am thankful for the 400 plus people at Hoffer Plastics that I consider my family. While 2020 has been difficult, I am continually amazed at their hard work, dedication, and willingness to show up no matter what. We never closed for COVID-19 and yes, they showed up. I will never forget walking the floor those early days of the pandemic. It was a demonstration of everyone being all-in. It is always “us,” and never “me,” here. So, I am thankful for every one of “us.”

Finally, I am writing this post in the middle part of October — long before the Presidential election has been decided. Don’t worry, I am not going to pivot politically here. But, I am going to point out how thankful I am for different perspectives, free speech, and free religion. I am at my best when my mind is open to the perspectives of people that I do not necessarily agree with, don’t share my political or religious affiliations, or sports rooting interest. In fact, I contend that to be a leader worth following deeper into the 21st century, I am going to need to grow in my ability to be more accepting of those differences. I suspect the same can be said for most leaders.

I close by citing the opening paragraph of Abraham Lincoln’s 1863 “Thanksgiving Proclamation”…….

“The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature that they cannot fail to penetrate and even soften the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.”

Lincoln wrote these words towards the end of the bloodiest conflict in American History.

Perspective was as rare then as it is now.

Let us all lean-in to being thankful this holiday season, especially when it seems so difficult to do.