Alex Hoffer

Leadership Failures Part Two: Failing to Give Direction

Today continues a four-part series about leadership failures that I started last week. The focus of today’s post? Failing to give direction. 

Part 2: I Fail To Give Direction 

Today’s lesson is so basic that it is easy to discount. But it’s at the heart of the biggest organizational issue I hear repeated time and time again: communication. Whether I am in a benchmarking group surrounded by other business leaders, in an interview with a prospective candidate, or working on strategic planning with our executive team, communication is the culprit most point to in terms of organizational problems. We keep talking about it because we are not good at fixing it — fixing it is so basic we fail to do it. 

Allow me to explain with an illustration. 

More Important As Time Goes By

The day after I met my wife Sarah, I called her to try to arrange our first date — I wanted to make sure I acted quickly. Unfortunately, she didn’t pick up the phone when I called. So I did something I’d rather not admit: I left her a completely rambling voicemail. And I know this will sound cheesy, but at some point in my rambling, I told her that I thought she was amazing and unlike anyone I’d ever met. 

Thankfully, she called me back and didn’t think I was crazy. In fact, she told me months later that the word “amazing” got to her (note: this is probably the only time in my life I’ve ever left an effective voicemail!) 

At some point along our path, “amazing” turned to love. When we crossed into the “love” threshold, we used that word all the time  — as I’m sure you did when you first fell in love! We’d hang out on Tuesday nights, then would have to wait until Friday afternoon to see each other again. We counted down the minutes in between, surviving on phone calls. And, of course, each conversation ended with us telling the other how much we loved them. (Gosh, this is sappy — even I’m rolling my eyes, so I’ll totally forgive you if you’re doing the same.)  

Fast forward to the present, and we’ve been married for many years. We still say we love each other, but let’s be honest — it isn’t exactly the same as the “puppy love” stage of infatuation.

But here is my point: saying we love each other is just as important today as it was way back in the early days of our relationship. In fact, I think it may be even more important as time goes by.  

How Leaders Communicate

How does this relate to leadership? At some point along a leader’s journey, they become convinced that there are things they no longer have to communicate to others. For example: 

  • Affirmation (we will cover this in part 3) 
  • Direction 
  • Vision

And the list above is only the start. The temptation is to believe that the people we lead are smart enough to affirm themselves, know what to do, and understand where we’re going. We have this temptation because if we have hired correctly, the people we lead ARE SMART ENOUGH to know these things. 

But we still need to tell them — just like we need to tell our spouses how much they mean to us. 

Leaders Don’t Insist on Mind Readers

Words matter, so leaders use words. 

Leaders do not rely on their followers’ ability to read their minds. 

The failure above is why so many people point to communication being our biggest organizational issue. 

Just as I would be a fool not to tell Sarah how much I love her still, I would also be a fool for not telling my direct reports what is important and what isn’t. 

Putting it Into Practice

Last year, we lost one of our teammates to their father-in-law’s business. The best candidate to replace them was a very bright individual already working with us — and he’s done a terrific job so far in his new role. Yet, when I was reflecting on his first year, I realized I had failed to formalize a KRA (Key Results Area) with him. To be sure, we had talked through a lot of the things I would have included, but there was nothing formalized. 

I had failed to give adequate direction. 

So we met and talked through the first year. Kudos to him; he had done a terrific job. Our team was moving in the right direction, projects were completed on time and under budget, and his peers praised him. Put bluntly, he had outperformed my leadership. 

Clarity + Affirmation = Effective Communication

As we talked about 2023, however, we co-created a KRA for the year. The way I do this with executives is I allow them to create the initial draft, and then we meet to talk about their three strategic initiatives for the year. Because of our weekly check-in meetings, his three strategic initiatives aligned precisely with what I thought was the most important. Still, this process gave us space to validate it formally and gave us both clarity that this was the direction we were going. Before leaving my office, he commented that he was doing the same exercise with his direct reports. 

Clarity and affirmation are two of the most important seeds of communication. Plant those seeds, and the harvest is plentiful. To this end, a leader must use their words to clarify and affirm. It is not rocket science, so it is tempting to think, “I don’t need to do this.” 

But just like you should tell your spouse you love them, you should clarify the most basic things for your followers. Assuming they know will not only be hurtful but also a failure of leadership.

Leadership Failures Part Two: Failing to Give Direction Read More »

Leadership Failures Part One: Stop Pursuing When Others Lean Out

Today begins a four-part series about leadership failures. The content that follows the next four weeks is based on my thinking about my own leadership failures from 2022. I am sharing them on this blog because the lessons are relevant to all leaders. I hope this will lead you to think about your personal leadership and what you specifically can do better. 

Part 1: I Stop Pursuing When Others Lean Out

A leader is someone worth following. Leadership is the process of doing things with and through other people. These definitions are important when considering lesson one because lesson one is all about relationships. Said succinctly, the leader cannot tire when the relationship sours. Instead, the leader needs to lean in when things, relationally speaking, become difficult. 

This lesson came to me after reflecting on a relationship with someone in our business. At the start of 2022, I began meeting with this individual even though they were not an immediate direct report. Their job was essential to our organization’s success, and they also led other team members. Therefore, I wanted to get to know them better and encourage them in their leadership journey. 

Our monthly conversations were generally good. Admittedly, we didn’t see things exactly the same. But differences of opinion are a healthy sign of organizational life because they help broaden thinking. Our meetings helped me consider a different perspective than my own, and they also helped me get to know this individual better. It was a win-win. 

At some point in the year, however, these meetings stopped happening. At first, it was just because our mutual schedules did not align. Then, it became clear that this meeting was not a priority for either of us because we could never find time for it. 

Stopping one-on-one meetings is not a failure of leadership. However, in this case, it was due to several factors. First, the functional area this person led was one that shaped our organization. Given that I have oversight in operations and sales, I should have an ongoing relationship with this individual. Secondly, there was sometimes a disconnect between operations and their functional area. Our meetings were helping to bridge the gap, so letting the meetings dissipate was, in hindsight, unhelpful to the organization.

Lean in When Others Lean Out

What I learned about leadership from this failure was that I need to lean in when others lean out. Notice that the example I shared doesn’t involve anything nefarious — my sense is that this person just had a lot going on, and so did I. The point is that this is always the case in the modern workplace, so it is not a valid excuse!

A good leader is someone who pursues people. After all, leadership is about doing things with and through others. It is not about you! So again, a healthy leader pursues people because those relationships are how things move from one point to another. 

Manipulation ≠ Leadership

I need to clarify one question that often comes up when I speak about this publicly. The question is, “Isn’t this manipulative?” The answer is absolutely not, but it can be. I acknowledge that someone could, in theory, manipulate others by creating some kind of false relationship and trying to do things “with and through” them. I confess this may be possible. 

However, is a person who would do this the kind of person worth following? And using history as our guide, aren’t these people eventually found out? Once they are, isn’t their credibility destroyed? To be crystal clear, manipulation is not leadership. So that is NOT what I am referring to. 

I am referring to the human ability to bond with other human beings and create relationships that move things from one point to the other. Therefore, a leader should always pursue other people, especially when others lean out (even for legitimate reasons like a busy schedule). 

Followers don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. What turns you into someone worth following is being someone who cares, someone who builds relationships, and someone who values other human beings. 

You and I need to lean in when others lean out. Doing so helps us build the kind of relationships we need to do the things we will turn to in Parts 2-4 of this series. 

Leadership Failures Part One: Stop Pursuing When Others Lean Out Read More »

Hope Springs Eternal

The end of Jesus’ life on earth was filled with alienation, pain, and mocking. As Matthew recalls in the 26th chapter of his Gospel, “…the men stepped forward, seized Jesus, and arrested him” (26:50). The first reaction of Jesus’ disciples was violence (verse 51), but Jesus said no protection was needed from his friends (verses 52-56). This was, after all, the plan. As crazy as that sounds. 

Before long, however, Jesus was alienated and left to fend for himself. Peter gets picked on by modern readers, so it is important to clarify he was not the only one that left Jesus. All did. But Peter did deny that he knew Jesus (verses 69-75). Later on, this was all forgiven, and it serves as a reminder that we can always come back home to Jesus (John 21:15-17). 

Next for Jesus was physical pain. The soldiers “…spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him” (Matthew 26:67). A “crown of thorns was set on his head” (Matthew 27:29). “They struck him on the head again and again” (verse 30), and led him away to be crucified. Crucifixion involved the nailing of irons into his arms and legs. It was a brutal and unimaginably awful way to die. 

Yet, this was not the end. 

Besides the alienation of his friends and the pain he endured, Jesus also dealt with mocking. Early on, it came from the soldiers: “Then they knelt in front of him (Jesus) and mocked him” (verse 27:29). Later on the cross, it came from two rebels who hung beside him. Then it came from the religious leaders watching all the events take place in front of them: “…the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him” (27:41). 

The end seemed to be now approaching, but it was really just the beginning. 

You Are Not Alone

Do you feel alienated? 

Do you struggle with physical pain? 

Do you feel mocked? 

Do you feel like the end is coming? 

You are not alone. 

“After the Sabbath…Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to the Tomb” (Matthew 28:1). If you were going to make up a story two thousand years ago, your last choice of witnesses would be two women. Women were not considered credible witnesses in that culture, yet Jesus’ resurrection starts with women because everyone matters to Jesus, and all are welcome. “Suddenly Jesus met them. ‘Greetings,’ he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshipped him” (verse 9). 

Have you come to Jesus? The invitation is for everyone and anyone! 

But the religious leaders were not done yet. “When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, ‘you are to say, ‘his disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’” (Verses 11-13). 

What are we to make of this? Did the same disciples who alienated Jesus come and do this? Did they somehow manage to overcome Roman guards and move a large boulder guarding the tomb’s entrance? Or is this whole story just made up? 

I cannot speak for you, but I find it hard to believe that these disciples – the same ones that just alienated Jesus – would turn-around and come to spread the message of Jesus’ resurrection. Not only that, but that they would do so with such fervor that ten of them eventually would be martyred for doing so. That is, unless they were doing so from a place of being certain of what they had witnessed!  

But you have to decide on your own. 

The Hope of the World

In a world lacking hope, and in a world full of ridicule, alienation, and mocking, maybe it is time to reconsider the Hope of the World. 

Jesus is the one I follow because he is the perfect example of truth, love, and hope. He is my Savior. In fact, there are not enough words to describe him in the dictionary! My entire life changed when I discovered the Hope found in him. And there is nothing blind about it. It is there for anyone to see if they look for it. 

If anything written above tugs at your heart, maybe you should consider reading the book of Mark. You can read one chapter per day for the next 16 days and learn what Jesus says on his own. His words are better than mine! 

What I can say is this: 

Jesus welcomes all. 

You can set your bags down. 

There are no qualifications needed. 

Your past is just that, your past. 

You are home now. 

Easter morning is here. 

Hope springs eternal because of Jesus. 

Hope Springs Eternal Read More »

Applying What We Learn

In recent years, one thing I have felt convicted about is my continual pursuit of more learning. Admittedly, this sounds silly on the surface. Undoubtedly, learning can’t be a bad thing, right? The reality that I’ve discovered, however, is that there are two dangers in continual learning. 

First, it can lead to pride. This can lead you to believe that your self-worth is tied to reading books, listening to podcasts, or learning from Ted talks. It might even tempt you to think that you are superior to those who fail to read or pursue improvement. None of these attitudes are healthy for a leader. 

Secondly, and more to the point of today’s post, continual learning keeps one moving from one thing to the next. There are always more books, podcasts, and potential pathways to self-improvement, especially in our current information age. But what happens when “more” is just that — more?  In other words, what happens when the information just stays as information? 

Application 

I am passionate to continue learning. But I’m also passionate about ensuring that my learning is accompanied by some application of what I’ve learned.

I use the qualifier “some” intentionally because not all information needs to be actionable. For example, I might read a book on a subject like bald eagles just to learn a few things about them and to engage in a subject that interests my 11-year-old son. Of course, this doesn’t mean I need to apply the learning directly and become a zoologist.  

But there are areas in my life, like leadership development, where I need to be a little more disciplined in terms of what I am applying. To do this, I need to remember, reflect, and respond. I’ll show you how to do this below using my blog homepage

Remember 

This post is the 13th I’ve published since the start of 2023. I have covered a variety of topics that one can review by quickly scrolling. Does one jump out? For example: 

New Year, Same Old Mechanic (Spirituality) 

My New Year Promise (3 questions to start the new year) 

One More Question for A New Year, New Perspective (Attitude) 

The False Self Series 

The point of remembering is to reengage your mind on the material you have previously learned. 

Reflect 

Here is where you go deeper. It is also where you have to look within yourself. The question is, what jumps out at you? I heard the most feedback from readers about this post: The False Self Series, Part 6: Beating Myself Up about the Past. Maybe this post spoke to you? The point here is to listen to your gut, reread what jumps out, and reflect on how you need to implement it. 

Respond 

After remembering and reflecting, here is where you apply the material. If you chose the post about beating yourself up, one application could be to find an accountability partner that you can meet with weekly. For example, I meet twice per month with my accountability partner and one of the areas I report on is how I talk to myself about myself. I’ve discovered that trashing myself indicates a lack of faith because my negative self-view of the past doesn’t align with Jesus’ current view of me. 

While I have used my blog as an example today, you can use the remember, reflect, and respond technique on just about any material you are studying. The point of today’s post is to encourage you to do so. This ensures that your head knowledge becomes heart knowledge, and I believe this will help you on your journey of becoming the kind of person others will want to follow.

Applying What We Learn Read More »

Best of: 23 Things Golf Taught Me About Life and Leadership

As winter turns to spring, and as many enjoy Spring Break, here is a post from last fall about the lessons I learned from golf in 2022. I look forward to another year of learning on the golf course in 2023. But what I look forward to the most, is more time with my two sons as they learn from the game of golf as well.

Everyone who plays or follows sports has their view of which is the best. Of course, such notions are relative — there is no definitive or objective answer. That said, I think golf is the most applicable game to life. To illustrate, I am using today’s post to share what I have learned from golf over the last ten years. 

Before sharing the list, let me elaborate a little on why I have focused on the past ten years. As I have shared in other posts, I came close to walking away from the game of golf in my twenties. The love I had for the game came mainly from the fruits of it, which was the success I experienced as a high school golfer. When the success went away, and my scores increased, I began questioning why I even played the game in the first place. 

Here’s what I learned. 

  1. A performance based on results does not lead to peace of mind.
  2. Expectations are deadly. Just hit the next shot! 
  3. Doing enough will never be enough in golf or life. 
  4. More practice does not guarantee lower scores, but less practice guarantees higher scores. 
  5. Hurry leads to bad decisions, poor play, and less joy.
  6. The embarrassing shot you just hit was hardly noticed by the other golfers who are fixated on their next shot!   
  7. Your score is only one indicator (and often a poor one) of how well you played on a given day. 
  8. Beauty is only seen when you look for it, and it is everywhere on a golf course.  
  9. Golf is a game of recovery, not perfection.
  10. The game is best played, not analyzed.
  11. A conservative strategy, coupled with an aggressive swing, often produces the best results. 
  12. One swing thought is almost always one too many. 
  13. Learn the names of your playing partners, and cheer them on. Your battle is with the course and your soul, not with them. 
  14. What you think about, see, and believe about yourself affects your score more than your technique. 
  15. Great golf is almost always boring: keep the ball in play, hit toward the middle of the green (not at the pin), and two-putt. Repeat. 
  16. During a great round, you must contend with the inner belief that you deserve to keep playing well. More rounds have been sabotaged by insecurity than “choking.” 
  17. There might be nothing more satisfying in life than spraying a ball into the trees, humbly chipping it out to the fairway, and getting up and down from 100 yards to save par. 
  18. There might be nothing more tempting in life than trying to thread the ball through 20 trees and onto the green. I have made more double bogeys doing this than I care to admit, but the handful of birdies I have made have been awesome! 
  19. Putting is 101% mental and belief. My putting turned around when I started believing this.
  20. Negative self-talk does not end on the 18th hole. Learn to do away with it before you begin the round. 
  21. A certain amount of luck is needed to make a hole in one. But there is a certain amount of skill required to hit it close. 
  22. Golf was never meant to be played riding in a cart. Walking helps one see the landscape, hear their thoughts, and feel the life of the course. I learn this lesson repeatedly as most of my rounds are in a cart. 
  23. And regardless of what you shot today, there is always tomorrow. At least for now. 

There is no game like the game of golf. I say this as it has helped me learn more about myself than any other sport I have participated in. To the achiever, it is the most insidious game ever created. To the humble, however, it is a gift. A gift that teaches one that their self-worth will never be found in any game, pursuit, or result. 

And this last lesson might be golf’s greatest. Golf taught me that the only way I would find peace with it, as crazy as this might sound for some, was to look elsewhere. For me, it was discovering that Jesus really loved me — the broken, imperfect me, with secrets I would not want to print here and insecurities I could list for days on end — that freed me from the need to be good at golf, great at work, and the world’s best (even though I am one of the most flawed) husband/dad. 

Every time I am tempted to think I am turning into “someone” or that I am important, I am reminded to go tee up. 

A few shots in, and I am quickly humbled once again. 

Golf, it turns out, opens your soul to a lot more than just golf. 

Best of: 23 Things Golf Taught Me About Life and Leadership Read More »

Surveillance is NOT Leadership

Surveillance is NOT Leadership 

Back in January, the Wall Street Journal posted an article that, to me, was provocative. The piece “Mouse Jigglers, Fake PowerPoints: Workers Foil Bosses’ Surveillance Attempts” outlined how employees are outsmarting their bosses’ attempts to surveil them from afar. It turns out that many companies are attempting to monitor what team members are doing from their home offices.

For example, one company installed a program on employee laptops that automatically shut down the machine after it was idle for 10 minutes, thus informing the “control tower” (my phrase) that they were not working. 

There is a lot about this that bothers me.  

  1. Let’s remember what leadership is: the process of doing things with and through other people. Nothing in this definition even remotely suggests controlling other people. And at its worst, that’s what surveillance is. It communicates, “I do not trust you to do your job, so I will set up a system to ensure that you do.”

    To me, this says more about the leader than the person being monitored. How insecure do you have to be to babysit people? Better said, what does it say about your leadership? Is the work product so unclear that surveillance is the only way you can assess the work? That says more about your leadership than the (perceived) need to monitor. 
  1. Second, this perceived need makes me question the hiring process. How effective are your hiring processes if you need to constantly monitor the team members you hire? Certainly, I think that poor leadership is the bigger problem, but I still think this question needs to be asked. What characteristics are you looking for in a new hire? What are your expectations about work, hours, and work product? The clearer you are on these in the interview process, the higher likelihood you will find someone you do not need to monitor. 
  1. Moving from the leader to the employee, it disgusts me that there is a market for tips on how to “outsmart” the boss. One individual interviewed in the article bragged about wrapping the cord of his mouse around a rotating fan to keep the computer from shutting down, all so he could go to the gym. Has work come to this? Really?

    Look, I’m not trying to be overly judgmental here. But as bad as surveillance is, how is deception better? Unemployment is at historic lows, so why not have an honest conversation with the boss? And if they are unwilling to listen, why not find a job that better fits your lifestyle?

    Work should always be changing. What we used to do may not make sense today, including the hours we work. To that end, leaders need to realize that people may want flexibility, even the flexibility to go to the gym in the middle of the day, so they need to hear these desires when they are presented. 

Work is Human

The point of this post is that surveillance is NOT leadership. Period. Hard stop. 

To be someone worth following, you must have real conversations about expectations. Similarly, workers must own up to their needs and be willing to discuss them. Surveilling and deceiving will not make things better. 

I strongly believe that work is human. What I mean is that we are better when we are together. That doesn’t mean I’m against people working from home or holding hybrid positions. It means that even then, human beings need one-on-one relational connection — it’s where we further our trust in one another. And note that my use of the word “further” is totally intentional; leaders have to give trust on day one — one reason why the interview process is so important. From there, trust is earned, but on day one, it is a given, a gift. 

Surveillance is not leadership. I encourage leaders to start from a place of trust, give clear expectations, and provide people the autonomy to decide what works best for them. Of course, this doesn’t mean it will always work out. But it errs on the side of the human. And wouldn’t we rather do that than err on the side of the machine?

Surveillance is NOT Leadership Read More »

robert hoffer

Dear Grandpa, Part 2

Check out part one of my annual letter to my grandpa here.

Dear Grandpa, 

Recently, I took my dad and two boys to a Purdue basketball game. As we pulled into West Lafayette, dad started to reminisce about visiting his grandfather in West Lafayette as a child. Realizing the significance of the moment—it is not every day that my dad reminisces about the past—I asked dad if he wanted to go see his grandpa’s house? 

He did. I turned onto Grant Street and slowed the car as we approached your childhood home — what dad refers to as his grandfather’s house. The red brick house stood out against the small pile of snow on the lawn. Dad commented that Grandma would still be upset about the house next door, and then explained that she never wanted to sell the land it now occupies. He played games on that dirt, he said. The more he reminisced, the more I thought about how the dirt is the one thing that remains constant. My boys represent the fifth generation from your father, so it is natural that the neighborhood, and life for that matter, is now radically different. 

But the dirt remains the same.  

Buy Dirt

As Hoffer Plastics turns 70 this week, I have thought a lot about dirt. This is probably because of a country music song that keeps finding its way onto my playlist at the gym. Here are a few of its lyrics: 

A few days before he turned 80

He was sittin’ out back in a rocker

He said, “What you been up to lately?”

I told him, “Chasing a dollar”

And in between sips of coffee

He poured this wisdom out

Said, “If you want my two cents on making a dollar count

Buy dirt

Find the one you can’t live without

Get a ring, let your knee hit the ground

Do what you love but call it work

And throw a little money in the plate at church

Send your prayers up and your roots down deep

Add a few limbs to your family tree

And watch their pencil marks

And the grass in the yard all grow up”

‘Cause the truth about it is

It all goes by real quick

You can’t buy happiness

But you can buy dirt

When I hear these lyrics, I immediately think of you and your generation. I picture my Papa smoking a pipe outside his garage in Evansville, and I think of you tending your greenhouse in Elgin, and the word that comes back over and over is contentment. Your generation pulled up its bootstraps, worked, and “sent your prayers up and your roots down deep.” 

There are literal pencil marks in your old basement charting the growth spurts of two generations! 

The refrain I often hear from well-intentioned people is that they are leaving Illinois because of its unfriendly business climate, high taxes, and bad weather. I cannot argue with these challenges. But as last year wound down, the message I continually received from my prayers was:

Buy dirt. 

Different, But Not Unique

One of the moments that reoriented me last fall was driving by your house on the way home from a business trip. I think I mentioned driving by your house almost every year because it is always impactful. This time I realized that buying dirt was precisely what you did. You stayed in the same house from 1953 until the end. You refused to chase better when you were already happy. You embodied contentment. 

We moderns like to trick ourselves. We think things are particularly hard right now and that business challenges are unique to our generation. The word I like to use is “different.” Things are definitely different, but they are not unique. And regardless of external circumstances, we still walk on the same dirt you did. 

Obviously, I don’t know what the future holds. Today’s different circumstances may prove to be too much. There is no defeatism in me when I say these things; I am just pointing to the reality that nothing is assured. Well, nothing outside of time passing by and the dirt staying dirt. 

Rediscovering Hope

While some readers might find this reality depressing, I do not. As I shared last week, I rediscover hope every time I look into the eyes of the people who make up our team. I see the possibilities in the next generation, and they excite me. My task is to ensure that the seeds are planted, that the plants are tended, and the harvest is plentiful. 

I must tend the dirt as you did. 

There is a profound purpose in doing so. 

Until next year, I will keep watching the pencil marks of my kids’ growth grow, I will keep saying my prayers with Sarah every night, and I will keep digging our roots deeper and deeper into the community God has placed us in. I will do this regardless of how different things are, and even when those differences irritate and frustrate me. 

I will do this because that is our family history. Until God calls me elsewhere, I will tend to the dirt he has given us. 

You understood this. 

I am starting to. 

I miss you and love you, 

Alex  

Dear Grandpa, Part 2 Read More »

robert hoffer

Dear Grandpa

Dear Grandpa, 

It is that time of year again when I think of you in anticipation of the remembrance of your birthday. While others like to think of those “up there” looking down on us, I don’t think that is the case. My hope is that “up there” is so amazing you wouldn’t give “down here” a look. But someday maybe I will tell you about these letters…

They do help me. They help me because as I talk to my Heavenly Father — as I often do in my head as I start to walk our production floor — I remember you. I remember your passion for the business we get to do. I remember how much you loved interacting with the people. I remember the sense of duty you had in helping the community and the industry. Remembering you gives me a renewed sense of energy. 

Looking for Contentment in All the Wrong Places

As I have already shared on my blog, I fell into a big rut last fall. I became self-absorbed. I was asking for my work to fill a void that it was never intended to fill. In my pursuit, I became irritable and discontented. Honestly, I was not a good leader. But as your example reminds me, leadership is about other people. It is about supporting them, giving them opportunities, and building into them. Frankly, I think we in contemporary America spend too much time fixated on ourselves. This is what I was doing last fall, and my sense of peace was shaken.

I had two speaking opportunities last fall. One was with MAPP (Manufacturing Association for Plastic Processors), the other for the TMA (Technology and Manufacturing Association). In both cases, I put a lot of effort into creating messages that would encourage the audience. I was prepared and did my best — I think you would have been proud. Still, I left both stages feeling like a fraud. 

To be clear, I didn’t feel like a fraud because of what I said. In both cases, I believed in (and, to the best of my ability, lived from) the convictions I shared. No, I felt like a fraud because of the discontentment I felt inside me. I had looked at these events to fill some void in me that they weren’t intended to fill. Instead, they exposed my vanity and desire for human approval. And no human affirmation was going to fill that void.  

I then came back to Hoffer Plastics looking for contentment. But co-leading a plastics manufacturing company only creates issues, not contentment! (I smile as I write this because I know you would understand.) Then, when I was at my worst and didn’t feel like walking our production floor, I had to walk past our mission poster with your face on it. It always kicked me in the behind and reminded me to keep going. 

I spent weeks in prayer about my discontentment, and it took weeks for things to change. One of the most effective prayers I pray is this: “Lord, please do not change my circumstances. Rather, help me to change for my circumstances. Because if you change my circumstances, I won’t learn what you are trying to teach me through my circumstances.” 

A Wake Up Call

A few moments stand out that are worth sharing. 

First, mom and dad were down in Florida at their condo, living through a category one hurricane. I am sure you would have something to say about that since you never had a condo, but stay with me. I was in one of my discontented moods grumbling about all the “have to dos” I have at the business. All of the sudden, Lizzie (she has worked on our floor for 52 years now!) asked me about my parents. “Alex, are they okay?” 

Of course they are, I replied. 

“OH GOOD. I was praying and praying for them with that hurricane.” 

Full stop. 

It had not dawned on me that Lizzie was asking about THAT. I thought she was just being polite. 

She continued. “You know, Alex, you all are part of my family.” 

Grandpa, that wrecked me. It jolted me awake from my vanity. It was God’s way of reminding me that the purpose of work is doing things with and through others, not providing me with contentment. In fact, the way to find contentment is to lose myself in the pursuit of others. 

I went home that night, and with Sarah, I prayed for forgiveness for my selfishness and self-centeredness. Like Jacob, that comment awoke me from sleep, and I echoed his thoughts that, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it” (Genesis 28:16). Of course, I was aware. But I needed to be reminded and this did it!  

My circumstances didn’t change in the weeks that followed. In fact, our business started to slow down due to the economy. I could even argue that circumstances made life a bit harder. 

Yet, I rediscovered the peace that grows from Jesus’ spirit. My inner life realigned to my external life. I followed the teacher, and arguably (you would have to ask others to be sure), became someone worth following again. 

I will stop here for now. 

Next week, we celebrate our 70th anniversary as a company, so it is only fitting that I share the other moments then. 

I love you, 

Alex

Dear Grandpa Read More »

The False Self Series, Part 10: Tension and Stress

I recently listened to an Emotional Healthy Leader Podcast episode by Pete Scazzero (The September 6 episode, Silencing the Seductive Voice of Your False Self) that greatly impacted me. In the episode, Pete said, “one of the most destructive temptations leaders face is living and leading from the veneer of the false self.” He then listed ten examples of how this can happen. 

These examples made sense to me — and I think they’ll resonate with you too. In the upcoming weeks, I’ll talk about all ten. I am doing this because overcoming the false self is the best way to head into 2023. Leadership is about doing things with and through other people, so leading yourself past your false self is step one to leading effectively.

The False Self Series, Part 10: Tension and Stress

My goal in writing this series has been to help leaders connect with their authentic selves. After all, people want to follow real people — the kinds of people who don’t hide their flaws, can take criticism, and can forgive others. 

The Result of Living From Our False Self

To date, I have shared nine ways people live from the false self. Today, we turn to part 10, which is what happens when we live from our false selves. We feel tension and stress in our bodies rather than feeling relaxed. How so? 

  • Tension is, according to Merriman-Webster, an inner striving, unrest, or imbalance. 
  • Stress is, according to the World Health Organization, any type of change that causes physical, emotional, or psychological strain. 

These definitions point to the reality of living from the false self as we become imbalanced, strained, and tired. We intuitively know, because we can feel it deep inside ourselves, that it is not the way to live. 

Living Authentically: You Have Nothing to Prove

If you have followed this series, I make no claims that living from the real self is easy. There are no claims that following any of the principles will lead to any kind of success either. Life is hard. 

The goal of this series has been to help you live authentically so that WHEN (not if!) bad things happen, you can deal with it to the best of your ability. In other words, your first reaction to bad news won’t be born from insecurity, e.g., “Oh no, I’m about to be found out — they’re going to see past my facade!” Your next reaction won’t be to overcompensate for this facade either. You won’t have to power up, defend your reputation, or prove your worth. In fact, you won’t have to prove anything. 

Why? 

Because:

You can honestly assess your own strengths and weaknesses. 

You no longer look for approval from others. 

You no longer have to defend yourself. 

You no longer are harsh. 

You no longer say yes when you want to say no. 

You no longer beat yourself up about the past. 

You no longer have trouble speaking up. 

You no longer have trouble forgiving others. 

You no longer allow fears to cause you to play it safe. 

This leads to you being you. 

Take a deep breath in. 

Feel the relaxation? 

Now the fun part comes as you get to live from your real self. And that means you can tackle the day’s problems from this perspective. Issues of all kinds will still arise, but you’ll be able to handle them in a way that others will appreciate, respect, and follow. 

From this vantage point, the work can, finally, truly begin. 

Leadership is doing things with and through other people. 

The greatest gift you can give those people is the real you. 

Now go share that person with the world. 

The False Self Series, Part 10: Tension and Stress Read More »

The False Self Series, Part 9: Fear Makes Me Play it Safe

I recently listened to an Emotional Healthy Leader Podcast episode by Pete Scazzero (The September 6 episode, Silencing the Seductive Voice of Your False Self) that greatly impacted me. In the episode, Pete said, “one of the most destructive temptations leaders face is living and leading from the veneer of the false self.” He then listed ten examples of how this can happen. 

These examples made sense to me — and I think they’ll resonate with you too. In the upcoming weeks, I’ll talk about all ten. I am doing this because overcoming the false self is the best way to head into 2023. Leadership is about doing things with and through other people, so leading yourself past your false self is step one to leading effectively.

The False Self Series, Part 9: Fear Makes Me Play it Safe

Last fall, I started my talk at the MAPP Benchmarking conference by telling 500+ attendees that I fear death — and as one who follows Christ, I was embarrassed to admit that publicly. Why? Because as someone who has scoured the evidence of the resurrection, I find it hard to believe that ten of Jesus’ earliest apostles would be martyred for something they KNEW was false. After all, their claim was having SEEN the risen Jesus, not a declaration of any kind of “belief.”  

Fear, our subject today, is not rational. From deep matters like death to personal matters like one-on-one relationships, fears can tempt us to live from the false self. Put succinctly, fears can tempt us to portray the confidence of a fearLESS leader, while living a “play it safe” life.  

Fear Takes a Toll

When discussing fears with other leaders, the conversation quickly shifts to the external. For example, should one change jobs, move states, or go for a promotion? Fear hinders us from making wise choices and also takes a toll on us by convincing us not to take risks in our relationships — which brings out our false selves. 

Is this related to Part 7, not speaking up?  Absolutely. After all, the root cause of not speaking up is fear, so we play it safe. 

Let’s be honest, one of the reasons leaders are followable is because they are courageous. But beware; this is an area where it is easy to slip into the false self — the one that projects courage when there is little to none internally. We may be tempted to believe that only we know when we’re putting up a front, but the reality is that our followers can easily pick up on it when we act in ways contrary to our normal personality or from our false selves. 

For example, we might speak more forcefully to overcompensate for our fear, making us sound (so we think) strong. But, in reality, we sound weak and fearful. 

Part of the Human Condition

Fear might be the hardest part of our hearts to share with others because culture and history have taught us that leaders are not fearful. But while courage may be what they are projecting, what makes them worth following is that they act even when fear is in their heart. Fear is simply part of the human condition.

What if we were the kind of leaders that made our fears visible to others? Would that make us less competent or more? Would we appear weaker or stronger? Would we be living from the false self or the authentic one? 

I am not suggesting that this is easy. Nor am I suggesting that everyone will think we are strong, competent, or even good leaders. I simply suggest we should be authentic — a leader whose internal and external states align. Alignment leads to the authentic self, the one others seek to follow. 

Remember, there is no claim in this series that leading from the real self will help you in your pursuit of greatness. This is not about greatness at all. It is about authenticity and living from your real self.  

The next time fear percolates, I want you to take a deep breath and accept it. You are human. Fear may be part of your story, as it is part of every leader’s story, but it is not your whole story. Exhale the deep breath and realize that your true self can keep going. You are not in denial. You are you. This means that whatever it is that you need to do, you can do. You do not need to play it safe anymore. 

When we accept our fears and move forward with them in tow, we can learn to live lives of meaning with less stress and tension. More on this next week when I wrap up this series.

The False Self Series, Part 9: Fear Makes Me Play it Safe Read More »