Alex Hoffer

Choosing Love

I was planning on writing a totally different post — but I just found out about a big change occurring inside our business. Two of our leaders are leaving together to pursue another opportunity. 

In other words, what I thought was the plan and what the plan actually is are two different things. 

Enter Change

Change is always hard. Our “plan” was going just fine — in fact, the company had its best month ever in March! But now, things are interrupted. 

Interruption always brings change. And change is rarely fun. 

As I told my dad when we were texting last night, I have to bring positive energy to the office tomorrow morning. Writing these words on the ‘morrow morning, I don’t feel positive. So where do I go from here? 

The Feeling of Grief 

It would be easier if the two people leaving were not good at their jobs. It would be easier if they were people I did not respect or like. It would be easier, but still not easy. 

The question I find myself pondering is whether I am mad or sad? As a man, it is more socially acceptable to be the former than the latter. But honestly, I am the latter. 

Businesswise, we will be fine. And please note that by saying that, I am not knocking our two departing employees — their loss is enormous. I just serve a bigger God who has countlessly provided for our company and me, over and over again. I have faith in Him. 

Further, I realize we are all replaceable. This starts with ME. I am easily replaceable in so many respects it is not even funny. I am fallible, I get things wrong, and I know other people could do my job just as well or better than I do. I really think this — and I also think (and know!) that in Jesus’ eyes, my value is so great that even the cross was bearable. 

Both realities are true. 

So I am just sad. I am mostly sad that I won’t have the relational connection that I have had with them. Change sucks in this regard. 

Living Out the Emotion 

The next question I ask myself is what emotion am I going to live out? Is it anger? Sadness? Or something else? 

Is it love? 

If love is defined in terms of feelings, it cannot be. 

I don’t feel loving at all. 

I don’t feel hatred either. 

I don’t feel much at all. I just feel numb. 

But, I choose love. I choose the sacrificial kind of love. The kind that does not feel good to give. The kind that costs something. 

I know this might sound crazy, but last night — when I found out the second person was joining the first person to run another organization, I prayed.

I prayed that God would bless both of them. 

I prayed that their new business would experience radical success. 

I prayed that their families would be blessed by the fruits of their labor. 

I prayed that they would both flourish. 

What’s Next

I have a business to lead. Change is not fun, not what I would choose, and not what I want. 

But it is reality. 

Now I end this post with a renewed sense of purpose. My energy is positive. It will take faith, and gratitude, to keep it positive. 

As I pray regularly, I will pray to close now…

Let Your will be done, Lord. 

Even when it hurts. 

Even when I would prefer otherwise. 

Help me choose love nevertheless. 

Help me be for people and not against them. 

Even when it hurts. 

Especially when it hurts. 

Thank you that it does hurt, Lord. 

I love these people. 

I want the best for them. 

Amen. 

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What Mom Taught Me About Life and Leadership

I’m filled with happy thoughts when I think back to my childhood. We lived in a typical 1980s neighborhood that felt more like The Wonder Years than current reality. My memories are of driveway hockey games, backyard football games, and more fun than I can fully remember. Life was good and we were blessed. 

We had two main rules in my family: first, my mom better know where I was — and second, I better be home for dinner by 5:30. Going home was never a problem because I was happy there. Don’t get me wrong, it was not perfect, just joyful. And as I find myself striving for some unattainable kind of perfection in my own home, I try to remind myself that what’s most important is creating a joyful environment. 

My mom was the one who set the joyful tone at home. As the third child, I reaped the benefit of her parenting experience. Looking back, especially at my adolescent years, I can see that my mom did three things that distinguished her from other parents and taught me vitally important lessons that apply to life and now leadership. 

Be Hospitable 

My mom realized that teenagers craved community, so she created an environment that was welcoming to all. I hosted sleepovers for various big events like the Final Four, pay-per-view boxing matches, and other sporting events. This often led to teenage boys acting out what they saw on TV in our family basement — and my mom rolled with it all! Of course, my dad reined things in from time to time (a role I see myself playing in a few short years) but my friends knew that we could push things a little more with my mom. It was fun and welcoming, and they all wanted to come back. Therefore, my social credit rose. Thanks, Mom! 

What did my mom get out of it? She knew exactly where we were and what we were doing — and also, what we were NOT doing. Well played, Mom! 

Have a Product 

Sleepovers at my house always ended with something my friends looked forward to: breakfast. After every sleepover, my mom made piles and piles of bacon. And as everyone knows, if you want to touch the heart of a teenage boy, give them lots of bacon! 

My mom was known for her bacon. Looking back, I realize (and I mean this with no disrespect) that there was nothing extraordinary about her bacon. She just delivered it time and time again, which made it special. 

How special? I am now 40 and recently traveled with my best friend, who had been at just about every one of my sleepovers back in the day. While eating breakfast at the Napa Valley Inn— including bacon — he began shaking his head. Puzzled, I look at him. He responded, “It’s still not as good as your mom’s.”

The point is that hospitality, and having a product worth coming back for, led to one last thing. 

No Judgment Conversation 

If my mom had a personal motto, it would have been, “You can tell me anything.” Maybe it was because everyone had a good time (or that they were stuffed with bacon) but my friends told my mom everything. It was literally the no-spin zone. 

In return, my mom did not judge. She most assuredly used her influence to nudge us in certain directions, but at the time, it did not feel like a lecture. It was leadership!  Even as a junior and senior in high school, I could tell my mom everything. This is probably why I learned to share what is (really) going on inside me and not hide it. I owe all that to my mom! 

When I think about my home life and the kind of leader I want to be, I think about the instructive lessons I learned from my mom. I want our home to be the place where kids want to come. I want to create a “gotta have” product — probably hamburgers! And I want my kids and their friends to feel safe enough to tell me everything. 

Similarly, at work, I want my office to be a safe place. I want my “product” to be the gift of listening. And I want others to feel secure enough to share what is on their mind. In short, I want to be like my mom.

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Celebrating Sarah

May is a celebratory month with the onset of spring, blooming flowers, and longer days extending the light. When I think about these things, I also think about Mother’s Day. So naturally, I think of my own mother and Sarah, my wife and mother of my children. 

Over the next two weeks, I will share some lessons I have learned from both of them. These lessons have been instrumental in becoming someone worth following — and I can confidently say this because I have followed them! I am blessed to have both of these amazing women in my life. 

Appreciate Everything

I must exhibit some self-control writing this post, or it might become nauseating to the reader. My disclaimer is that the marriage I have with Sarah is human in that there are plenty of imperfections. So don’t get the idea that I think our marriage is perfect. Instead, what I’d like for you to take away is that I often think about my marriage and appreciate many things about it. And this is the first lesson I learned from Sarah that I am sharing with you: appreciate everything. 

Sarah has taught me to not only appreciate the simple things, but also to reflect and be nostalgic. With an intellect that probably surpasses mine, she has taught me to think deeply before coming to a decision. Slowing down to think has served me well when it comes to decision making. My gut is often right, but making sure that it is has helped me avoid making big mistakes. 

Get Outside Yourself

Sarah is the kind of person that bakes a pie for the neighbor when they are sick, buys food and delivers it to the homeless shelter, and writes a note to one of her friends when they are going through a tough time. All of this can be labeled as service, but it does not feel like that when I see Sarah do it. It just feels like who Sarah is — and watching her always challenges me to get outside myself and put others first.  

To this end, Sarah often challenges me when I think I have not gotten anything done throughout the day. Knowing that I am task-oriented, she asks me how many conversations I had during the day. Maybe, she points out, some of those conversations were the work I was supposed to do? I often think of this when I walk our production floor and someone stops me to chat, meaning I’m late for my next appointment. I can practically hear Sarah’s voice in my head saying, “maybe THIS was the appointment you were supposed to have?” 

Hard Work Outside of the Limelight

When COVID arrived, we asked ourselves, “What does COVID make possible?” Sarah’s answer was to homeschool our children. While this transition was not easy, I observed how Sarah embraced this reality with passion. She did not complain about the new circumstance; instead, she used her teaching skills to find, create, and teach a curriculum to our three kids. While it took time, Sarah — and each of them — persevered. Eventually, it became routine. And now, two years in, our two boys are excelling, and our five-year-old is ahead of her grade level. I learned from this that anything worth doing is hard, and success does not happen overnight. It takes a lot of perseverance. This has aided me when projects seem never-ending, and progress is hard to see.  

Homeschooling has also taught me hard work is often done out of the limelight. Occasionally, people do not get the WORK being done inside our house (emphasis mine). I emphasize WORK to describe what is actually transpiring inside our home. Sarah does not fit into some “stay-at-home” label. Rather, she is a wife, mom, curriculum creator, teacher, and manager of all things inside the house. Label at your own risk — the point is that she shows up and does the WORK regardless. To this extent, neither of us loses sleep over our titles. Rather, Sarah has continually shown me that you do the best you can and then find your worth from the Lord. What other people think is precisely that — what other people think.

Sarah’s Wisdom

Finally, Sarah has taught me other lessons that are worth sharing here: 

  • Napping is a secret weapon for the psyche. 
  • You can always sleep in. 
  • You should only read what is fun or what you are interested in. 
  • You should always create a “fun” night where you can relax. 
  • Always give other people’s motives the benefit of the doubt. 
  • Never speak poorly of others when they are not present. 
  • Ask “what can I do to help” often. 

This world needs more thriving relationships. So if you get nothing else out of this post, I challenge you to think about what you appreciate with those you are closest to. Then share it with them. 

As I said above, my relationship with Sarah is far from perfect. But we work at it by discovering, and even rediscovering, what we appreciate about each other. This process makes us better. I am thankful for it, and for the amazing wife I am blessed with.

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From the Dugout to the Stands

When you become the parent to more than one child, the first thing people will tell you is how different your second child will be from your first. And as Sarah and I learned, a third child is also different from the first two. Each child has their own unique personality. No personality is better, just unique. It is up to us, the parents, to discover, develop, and appreciate each personality.  

The same can be said for every person we interact with at work. Each person is unique and valuable in their own way, and that means that the way they interact with other people at work is also unique. As a leader, we have to be cognizant of this reality so that we meet people where they are. Because we validate who they are, they will feel that we’re worth following. 

And the Wisdom to Know the Difference

As I shared in a recent post, I have been praying over whether I should coach my middle son Ben’s little league team this spring. To some, praying over something like that might sound silly. But given how much wisdom I need, I find praying is absolutely necessary.   

I need all the wisdom I can get to understand how I can best relate to Ben. Coaching Ben’s baseball team last fall was challenging. And while I learned a lot from the experience, I also observed something during a late-season game. After stepping in to be the head coach for my older son Will’s team earlier in the day — the “real” head coach had been unable to attend — I ended up sitting out Ben’s game since there were already four assistants there. Sitting behind home plate, I was a fan for that game instead of a coach. I cheered, encouraged, and cheered some more — and Ben seemed to thrive.  

The fact that he thrived when I was NOT coaching weighed on my mind, and I prayed about this all winter. Should I coach his team this spring? Sure, I did cheer and encourage when I was coaching, but my role also included holding all players (including Ben) accountable. Maybe he just needed me to be his fan and not his coach? Or maybe he’d be happier if I played a different “role” in his baseball journey? As I do with many things, I ran the idea by Sarah, and she immediately thought I might be on to something. 

Still, I resisted not coaching Ben’s team for one primary reason: My son Will has made it abundantly clear that he liked me coaching his team. How would Ben feel about me coaching Will’s team and not his? I didn’t want Ben to think I was prioritizing his brother over him. 

I Love Having You There

After praying about this again one night, it finally dawned on me that I should just talk to Ben about it. On the surface, this sounds somewhat crazy because Ben is only eight years old. But as you will find out in a minute, he is vastly more mature in his thinking. 

To be honest, I had mentioned this whole ordeal to Ben a couple of times earlier in the winter, and so had his mom. This time I explained “why” and reminded Ben about that time last fall when I sat out coaching one of his games. He remembered that day. We agreed to think about it and talk again. 

A few days later, I called Ben in again and reassured him that there was no wrong answer — I’d do whatever he wanted. This is what he told me: 

“Honestly, it stresses me out when you coach. You are strict. I love having you there but it stresses me out.” 

I then asked him about the time the previous fall when I sat out the game as coach and was there as just his biggest fan. 

“I would love for you to just be my fan. I love having you there.” 

The Value of Playing a Different Role

Ben’s feedback taught me a valuable lesson about parenting, and perhaps leadership. In my relationship with Ben, he was inviting me to play a different “role” in terms of his baseball journey. I was being moved from the dugout to the stands!  

I am not going to lie and say that it was easy to hear your child say that your “strictness stresses them out” on the baseball field. In fact, part of me wanted to justify that I am not too strict, kids these days are soft, and blah blah blah. Instead, I listened to what Ben was saying. 

“Okay, buddy,” I said, “What if I am just your fan this year. I’ll still split my time 50/50 so that I can be present equally for Will and you, but I’ll play a different role for each team. With Will’s team, I’ll be the assistant coach and with your team, Ben, I am just the number one fan!” 

“That’s exactly what I want,” Ben said. 

We then hugged, music played, and the scene faded to black. 

Well not exactly. But you get the idea. 

Meet Them Where They Are

Driving to work the next morning, I realized that I needed to write about my experience above because it taught me that leading adults is no different. Please hear me when I say that I often get that wrong as well — leading adults isn’t any easier. Some need me to lean in and play a more active role, while others need me to cheer from the sidelines. It depends on the unique personality of the individual I am leading. 

So this is why I pray often for wisdom. It helps me consider how my God-given abilities match up to those I lead. Prayer also encourages me to seek feedback — my prayer is equally about listening as it is about asking. I receive feedback, then course-correct when I get it wrong.

If leadership is the art of being someone worth following, which kind of person would you want to follow? The one who adjusts their leadership style to suit your needs, or the one that expects you to adjust to them? 

Circling back to my parenting decision, I could have forced my desire to coach Ben’s team. But that would have been about my preferences — and to a certain degree, my insecurities as a Dad. I would’ve missed out on what Ben really wanted. 

My encouragement to you is to be the one who is ready, able, and willing to course correct so you can meet people where they are and really connect with them. 

And if that means being their biggest fan, cheer loudly! It’s a role I plan to embrace all spring long. 

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What A Richard Curtis Movie Taught Me About Life and Love and Being in the Moment

Perhaps (one) of the most embarrassing admissions I can make in writing this blog is that I am a sucker for Richard Curtis films. Now, I may just be trying to rationalize, but my admiration of Curtis started after seeing him speak at the Global Leadership Summit in 2007. I was sitting there with my wife and was in awe of the intentionality of his storytelling. It was purposeful, magical, and full of what’s best in life. 

Years later, a “macho” buddy told me about Curtis’ movie About Time. The film tells the story of how a lovesick 21-year-old uses time travel in the best possible way to find love, all the while being “coached” by his father, James — played brilliantly by Bill Nighy. The movie is full of funny moments and re-dos. It even leaves us wishing we, too, could have a few do-overs! 

FYI, if you’re interested in watching About Time, it’s streaming on Netflix as of March 2022.

SPOILERS AHEAD 

I am not one who wants to give away a movie. That said, for this post, I have to give something away. So if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to know the spoiler, please stop reading here — do not continue beyond the image below.  

Image courtesy BBFC, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=39394371

Notice How Sweet it Can Be

The movie’s biggest surprise comes when the main character, Tim, discovers that his dad has terminal cancer. Tim immediately thinks that time travel could somehow change this reality. Unfortunately, Tim cannot do this without undoing the relationships he has discovered along the way, most notably the love of his life. And as he would later find out, the ramifications would be far more reaching than even that! 

Tim’s dad, James, had already put all this together. In fact, for years, he had been going back in time to relive moments with family. James then looks into the face of a teary-eyed Tim and tells him to live each day going forward twice. First with all the everyday worries and tensions, but the second time noticing how sweet the world can be. 

Soon after this conversation, James dies of cancer. But Tim can still go back in time to be with his father, so this is not the end…yet. 

Then Tim’s wife wants to add another child to their family. Tim realizes that when this child is born, he will no longer be able to travel back in time to see his father without “erasing” his child. What a dilemma!

The movie culminates nine months later when Tim travels back in time to see his dad one final time. He and his dad play ping-pong together. Tim then tells his dad that he wants to kiss him. This clues James into the truth —this is the last time he will see his son. Taking this in, James takes Tim, and together they travel back in time one last time to when Tim was a small child. The movie ends with the two of them together on the beach.  

It is arguably the most emotionally raw and beautiful scene one can imagine — or at least any parent could imagine. 

Time Catches Up with All of Us

To the best of my knowledge, I do not presently have any significant health concerns. But, my time will come. As James says in the movie, “Time catches up to all of us, my son.” 

It will catch up to me, as it will to you. 

I have been getting lost in the cares, tensions, and busyness of life. These days, it is natural to do so, and I will not beat myself up over it. 

But early in March, I found myself in Orlando with my family. We were at Epcot, there was not a cloud in the sky, and it was extremely crowded. 

Our kids are 10, 8, and 5. I may have a little more time with Sadie (5) than I do with the boys — I hope at least. But time will catch up here too. 

So there I was, walking through Epcot with Will (10) and Ben (8). They were holding my hands. Ben kept grasping, and I wished he would never let go. Will never does this anymore, yet in the crowded park, he did. And for a moment, all my worries, tensions, and stressors dissipated. 

There I was in the moment with my boys. No distractions. No agenda. It was just us. And I thought that this day might be the day that I would go back to… 

The day when I could just be with my boys. 

The depth of that joy is and was indescribable. 

Find Your Moment in Time

I share here to invite you to find your own moment in time. Often, the summer is full of opportunities for such. So go make a moment this summer. Make a moment with a friend, spouse, or grandkid. 

Like a Curtis film, craft a story of joy for the world to see. 

This is the ultimate way to refill the tank. 

And like Tim, may we all learn the lesson that life is best lived by living each day once. Let’s seek and find the goodness amid life’s busyness and stress. 

There is no better way to live. 

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The True Gift that Comes from Giving

One of my core beliefs about work is that it should always be done for the benefit of others. Whether it is the creation of a new product, service, or the way you conduct a B2B relationship, in my opinion, the fruits of your labor should positively impact other human beings. This brings purpose to every endeavor. 

Having said this, I also must set the record straight that I take Jesus’ words very seriously in all endeavors, including giving. For those not familiar, Jesus once said, “When you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:3-4). My experience has born this out in surprising ways — ways that I’m not going to share here because doing so would diminish the joy found in secrecy. 

That disclaimer aside, I am going to share one cause I am particularly passionate about. I am doing so for three reasons: To illustrate the strategic thought needed for giving, to show giving’s best fruits, and to unabashedly introduce this incredible organization to you, the reader. Before proceeding, however, if you sense any pride or self-importance in what follows, it is not my intent.

Strategic Giving

Like anything else in life, giving aimlessly is better than doing nothing, but still not wise. To this end, I want to give to causes that align with my passions and worldview. As someone that follows Jesus, I am commanded to take care of the orphan and widow (James 1:27). Jesus himself said some striking things as to how far someone should go in serving the poor (Matthew 19:21). So I aim to be intentional in my giving so that it serves the poor, widows, orphans, and everyone else in need. 

The Pan-African Academy of Christian Surgeons (PAACS) is an organization I was introduced to by my father-in-law when I married Sarah. PAACS is a strategic response to the surgical need in Africa. As any generic Google search demonstrates, the need is great. In some areas of Africa, there is only one surgeon for 250,000 people — and other areas only have one surgeon for 2.5 million! 

PAACS trains new surgeons and then sends them to underserved areas in Africa. In the context of Christian organizations, what differentiates PAACS is that it is what I call an “and” ministry, meaning it addresses both physical AND spiritual needs. 

A favorite story of mine is when a PAACS surgeon operated on an ISIS soldier. Confused, the ISIS soldier asked why a Christian doctor would operate on a Muslim? The doctor explained he could do nothing BUT operate because Jesus is at the center of the organization. 

To be clear, there are thousands of incredible organizations locally and nationally, and I do support many. But, the need in Africa has always pulled at my heartstrings because it feels like a forgotten place. More so, I want any success at Hoffer Plastics to also be good news for someone in a place like Africa. Given that just one trained surgeon can help 55,000 people over a twenty-year career, investing in PAACS strategically addresses this need. 

Giving’s Best Fruits 

Just giving dollars to an organization is one thing, but my involvement in PAACS has given me something so much deeper that I want to share it here. I am sharing because if you can also find this in your pursuit of giving, you will be blessed beyond belief. 

What am I referring to? A relationship. 

When I decided to become a PAACS giver I asked if I could be matched directly with a surgeon in training. Why not help someone directly, I thought? In addition, I wondered if there could be an opportunity to get to know them personally. Although my request was new to PAACS at the time, they worked with me and made it happen. 

Enter Asaph

Asaph is the first PAACS resident from the country of Chad! I say this with excitement, because once Asaph is done with training, he will head back to Chad to help address the surgical need there. Asaph currently studies at PAACS’ Bongolo Hospital in Gabon, Africa. Coming full-circle, Bongolo Hospital is the same hospital that my father-in-law has volunteered at once a year for approximately the last two decades. 

Asaph

Because of my father-in-law’s involvement at Bongolo, I was able to FaceTime with Asaph in early 2020. Since then, we have kept up an ongoing dialogue. We share thoughts, short videos, and prayer requests. I always send pictures of Chicago winters as they are unimaginable to Asaph. In short, we have become brothers. I always look forward to hearing from my friend. Our relationship was unexpected, yet is truly the best gift of all.

Discover the Something You Need to Do 

I am not asking you to give to PAACS. Frankly, I believe God will move the people he needs to give. But I am asking you to think strategically about your giving. Is there an organization out there that you can help? Better yet, is there a relationship you can form?

What I know is that leaders are worth following because their care runs incredibly deep and they are very intentional about addressing the needs around them. The point of today’s post is to encourage you to do something. What that something is, however, is up for you to discover. 

As for me, I am thankful for the amazing work PAACS is doing and will continue to support it, as well as many other unnamed organizations I support, starting with my local Church. 

Finally, I look forward to the day that I finally meet Asaph in person because our relationship is the greatest gift that giving to PAACS has provided me. 

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No Better Kind of Love

In the Bible in One Year app, I recently read a commentary that shared an amazing story about Mother Teresa. Her feet were so deformed that some wondered whether she had leprosy. One of her sisters explained, “her feet are deformed because we get just enough donated shoes for everyone, and Mother does not want anyone to get stuck with the worst pair, so she digs through and finds them. And years of doing that have deformed her feet.” As the commentary concluded, “years of loving her neighbor as herself has deformed her feet!” 

In this blog, I have continually defined leadership as the art of being someone worth following. And given the example above, it’s no wonder Mother Teresa was adored by millions. Her love was based on others first. She was fully loved by Jesus, so she was able to share out of her abundance — and there is no greater love than this! 

The World’s Greatest Demonstration of Love

This week is Holy Week in the Christian calendar. It is the week where Christ-followers across the world mourn on Good Friday and celebrate the empty tomb on Easter Sunday morning. It is a time of reflection, worship, and Sabbath. Most of all, it is the world’s greatest demonstration of love. 

My commitment to you, the reader, has always been to maintain transparency and authenticity. I want to be transparent about my life, even to the point of vulnerability. If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you should see a demonstration of my many imperfections shared through these posts. 

You should also get a sense of what makes me who I am. I have not been shy about sharing my love for Jesus. My identity starts and ends here. While I am always honest that there is much I cannot explain, I can attest that my life utterly changed when I began following Jesus. 

My late teens and early twenties were characterized by a pursuit of popularity and pleasure. I was centered on myself, and I hurt some people along the way, including myself. Over the years, the darkness became less figurative in nature. By the time I was in college, the nights seemed to increase in length. I was “living my best life,” as some like to say these days, but all the parties and hookups left me feeling hopeless. It was not what I had signed up for. As I would come to read later in the Bible, I was gaining the whole world but losing my soul in the process. 

God is Closer than You Think

Then I saw the light. This time I mean it figuratively, as I did not actually see a light. But through the encouragement of a girl I was trying to date in my early twenties, I started attending a church in the Chicago suburbs during one college summer break. At the first service I attended, the pastor wrote on a flip chart the phrase, “God is closer than you think.” He then said that regardless of what was happening in our lives, God was closer than we thought. This statement shocked me. “No he isn’t,” I thought. Yet, I could not shake it. So I started a process of seeking.  

I kept going to that church. I also began reading the Bible. While I grew up in a Christian household and thought I was a “Christian,” reality was different. I may have been quasi-religious, thinking that if I did “enough” good things, maybe I would be accepted? But in reality, I was not following Jesus. Please note that I am not saying this from a place of judgment —  I am just saying that I was like the student sitting at the back of the lecture hall. I knew a few of the bumper stickers phrases, but I was not putting them into practice, or even putting them on my car. I knew of Jesus, but I was not his student. I was checking the religious boxes at Christmas and Easter, but I was living my own life. I was Lord — He was not. It’s no wonder I did not feel worthy because my life was not adding up to much. 

I know this may be sounding too spiritual to some but stay with me. The reality for me is that I soon found Jesus. This was the light, per se. Finding Jesus meant that I did not have to do “enough” to be valued, I was good enough already. This did not mean that I could or should continue to go on living life the way I had. After all, that life had led to some painful experiences — I later realized that while God always loves us, he does allow us to experience the consequences of our actions. And I thank God that He allowed me to do that, because I did not want to live there! 

As I began reading the stories of Jesus’ life in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John my life began to change. The world had been telling me to pursue my own success and my own kingdom, and find pleasure wherever I could. While I cannot speak for any other reader of this blog, this equation was not working for me. 

All Can Come In

What struck me about Jesus was how countercultural He was and is both then and now. He said that in order to find your life, you have to lose it. It is better to turn your cheek, build others up, and go the extra mile with someone even when it costs you. His way is the narrow path, not the wide path. 

Moreover, He was (and still is) the only one who says ALL can come in. There are no preconditions. He lifted up women, people of different nationalities, the poor, and children — in short, everyone. It is indescribable in totality. It is amazing in its depth. It is inclusivity in totality. 

It was what I fell forever in love with. 

He is the ultimate one that I want to follow. 

But what about that empty tomb? Do we just have to “trust” and go on “blind faith?” That sounds pretty foolish to me. If someone can prove the tomb was not empty I think we should all have a talk. 

But having said this, I also think history leaves even more puzzling questions for us to consider: Like, why would Jesus’ most trusted apostles propagate a lie that would (and most cases did) cost them their lives in painful and brutal ways? Remember, they did not claim to believe in the resurrection, they said they had seen the resurrection. I can understand people dying for something they believe in, but dying for a lie? I guess I do not have the faith to believe that, but you have to make up your mind for yourself. 

Before closing, I try to go to great lengths to be open to ALL readers of this blog. I do this because I think that is what Jesus would want me to do! ALL are welcome in King Jesus’ kingdom! There are no “infidels.” There are only sinners like me that have been redeemed and freed to love others. There is no better love. Hence, please consider the above nothing more than my adoration for that love.  

My story culminated with a public baptism in August of 2005. My sister Charlotte and I were baptized in the waters of Lake Michigan. I share this because I often think of how different my life is now, compared to then, when I fly back to Chicago over the lake. Jesus’ love for me is bigger than even that! The same can be said for you. 

This is what Mother Teresa knew to be true as well, which is why her deformed feet were such a small price to pay for the love she knew. Similarly, I pray that we model this kind of love for others because there is no better kind. 

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“I Felt Big There”

This month, I want to talk about the importance of a leader’s ability to pay it forward. Now, I realize that paying it forward can happen in a variety of ways, but for the purposes of our discussion, I want to explore four specific things that leaders can pass on: dignity, love, opportunity, and purpose. When a leader pays these things forward, new life develops in others. And while this may not be the leader’s intent, it goes a long way toward their transformation into someone that others find worth following. 

What I’ve Learned About Leadership From Abraham Lincoln 

One ritual I have developed over the years is reading about Abraham Lincoln. Other than the Bible, reading about Lincoln has been some of the most significant reading I have done in my leadership development journey because he is someone I want to emulate. This year, I chose to reread Doris Kearns Goodwin’s classic, Team of Rivals. The stories about Lincoln in today’s post come from this book. 

While there are so many attributes of Abraham Lincoln that I appreciate — his ability to use humor, the way he prioritized meeting with people in person, and his willingness to change his mind based on the input of trusted advisers, to name just a few — I want to focus today on his ability to bring dignity to others. 

Obviously, Lincoln found himself in arguably one of the most difficult leadership positions in modern history shortly after he was elected President. With states seceding from the Union and, shortly after, the onset of a Civil War, Lincoln’s task was monumental. 

As time went by and his thinking about race relations evolved, Lincoln opened up to the idea of meeting with former slave-turned-abolitionist Frederick Douglass. As Goodwin recounts, Douglass was actually a critic of Lincoln, believing Lincoln had not gone far enough in pursuing an end to slavery. So when Douglass showed up at the White House in August of 1863 without an appointment, he expected to wait for hours before seeing the President. However, two minutes later he was ushered in to see him. 

The Power of Feeling Heard

To gain the intended insight here we have to mentally travel back to 1863. No sitting President had ever met with a black abolitionist leader inside the White House, let alone listened to him. But not only did Lincoln do these things, he did more. As Douglass later recalled, “I felt as though I could put my hand on his shoulder.” 

Lincoln listened to Douglass’ concerns about how black soldiers were being treated as prisoners and their need for equal pay. And while Lincoln did not commit to changing federal policy on the pay issue, his voice “quivered” when describing the lengths he would go to protect all prisoners of war, regardless of color. 

At a later speaking event, Douglass said that while he was not entirely satisfied with how the conversation went, he felt heard. He went on to tell the crowd, “I tell you, I felt big there!” 

Think about that for a moment. Wouldn’t our leadership be better if others could say they felt “big” after talking with us? 

Dignifying Others is Leadership

In typical Lincoln fashion, this was not the last time he and Douglass met. In fact, they met several times the remaining two-plus years of Lincoln’s life. Lincoln even personally invited Douglass to his second inauguration. 

Afterward, Douglass was barred from entering the White House for the post-inaugural reception. When word reached Lincoln that this was happening, he stopped what he was doing and made sure Douglass gained entrance. Then he immediately talked with Douglass, setting to the side two Senators he was previously conversing with. 

Feeling a little embarrassed, Douglass reminded Lincoln of all the people he needed to see — according to Goodwin, Lincoln shook approximately 5,000 hands at that reception. But Lincoln persisted. “No, no,” Lincoln said, “you must stop a little, Douglass; there is no man in the country whose opinion I value more than yours. I want to know what you think of it?” referring to the inaugural address he’d delivered earlier that day. 

Douglass replied, “Mr. Lincoln, that was a sacred effort.”

Knowing Douglass was one of the few that would courageously tell the President the truth, Lincoln was now the man feeling “big.” 

Dignifying others is leadership. It is one of the best things we can pay forward. So, let’s follow Lincoln’s, and Douglass’, example. 

Let’s make others feel big this week. 

“I Felt Big There” Read More »

Thoughts on COVID, Work, Family, and Gratitude

This week, I intended to write a post about all the reasons I love coming to work at a family business. To be sure, I will include some thoughts about that below. But setting that aside, at least to start, I want to share thoughts on a few topics that have been on my mind. They probably aren’t big enough ideas to warrant their own blog posts, so I am including them here. What follows flows from my heart. 

COVID

Last month, I spent a week home with my second bout of COVID. If my first experience with COVID taught me anything, it was to have more grace towards others. My second experience reminded me how much that first experience shaped my views about all the COVID-related things people have discussed at the water cooler the last two years. I don’t have strong stances on any of them because my experience having COVID stunk to the high heavens. For some, that might have led them to have stronger views — but it didn’t for me. It just made me want to mourn with those who mourn and offer grace to all. Of course, I don’t always get that right…so I confess when I screw it up and start again. 

This second time with COVID also reminded me that ultimately, my body will fail. My tendency for self-reliance is utterly exposed by illness, the reality of time, and age. Disease makes even the young(er) person aware of their limitations. While my cold-like symptoms were hardly severe, they did kick my butt. Put simply, they humbled me. 

Work

Earlier this morning, I walked back into the gym before the sun came up. And I wondered —why was I there? Because this is what I do — at least that is what I tell myself. It is true. There is nothing glorious about it. Nor am I being braggadocios. I just show up and do the work. This is the gift of early morning workouts — they prime my “showing up” muscle. 

I suppose this is what actor Brian Cox is referring to in his memoir when he says, “Don’t worry about career, worry about craft.” Showing up to work out is obviously not my craft — just look at me, for goodness sake! But it requires the kind of intentionality and discipline that helps in everything else I do. After all, when does a good workout begin? The answer is the night before. 

The same can be said about a good day. And the same can also be said about writing. I show up and write. Regardless of who reads, I simply continue to do the work. I will always do the work. I have too much fun writing this blog to quit.

Family 

Another gift of illness is perspective. Last fall, I constantly complained to my wife about attempting to (assistant) coach two kids’ baseball teams, get up at 5 a.m. every day for work, and on and on. In hindsight, the amount of grace she gives me is amazing. I can be a real whiner. 

Given this context, I was praying about not coaching my younger son’s team. The younger kids can get on my nerves, and I can only do so much. I prayed about it because I believe only God can see the future. I also believe all wisdom comes from God. I ask God to protect me from potential bad decisions today. 

Now, you probably get where this is going to go. Before it goes there, I want to say that I do not think parents need to always be involved — this is why I was praying. I believe we overload our schedules these days, which is not good for anyone, especially the kids. 

That said, I had a change of heart last week. I went from being almost sure I was not going to coach to feeling convinced I should coach. Frankly, I just started to get this sense of how fast their childhoods were going. Not just this one son, but all our kids. 

I also remembered that the most important time I have with my middle child is the time in the car driving to and from practice. He talks my ear off. He asks all sorts of questions and shares some fantastic insights. While I could easily drive him to and from practice not being his coach, inevitably, I would miss some of these times due to other responsibilities. So, this time is just too precious to miss. I do not want these days to ever end. Yet logically, I know they will. 

Gratitude

Let me share a truth about gratitude: You need gratitude the most when you feel the least like expressing it. 

A few weeks ago, I was in a whiny mood about work. Realizing this, I declared the following day “Gratitude Day.” The next day, I made it a point to list all the reasons I loved work in my notebook. The list was not super long by day’s end — again, I was in a whiny state of mind — but it was enough to jolt me back in the right direction. 

Observing gratitude days will be an ongoing practice for me. In hindsight, I should have practiced one last week when I had COVID because it would have helped.  

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How Does Shared Leadership Work?

Like many of my posts, this post was born early one morning at the gym — I suspect it’s because, with my body engaged, my mind can wander while I’m working out. And over the past several years, my mind has often wandered to the topic of shared leadership. 

Admittedly, when my two sisters and I began telling others that we were going to share leadership of Hoffer Plastics, it was awkward — despite the fact that we thought it was the best way to move forward. Many people did not understand how it would work. What would happen when two of us wanted to take the business in a particular direction, and the third did not? What decisions would be made by all three of us, and which could be made autonomously? 

Not only were these questions worthy of our time, but they were instructive. We realized that if we wanted our shared leadership model to succeed, we had to gain clarity on our answers. We began the process of doing the work and clarifying expectations — and then the pandemic happened. 

As Mike Tyson allegedly said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” And boy, did COVID punch us square in the face! But it also helped us prioritize, rendering secondary issues unimportant and reinforcing the early bonds of our alliance. COVID also legitimized our shared leadership model in the eyes of internal and external stakeholders. After all, the biggest question for any leader (or leadership model) is how they will perform under stress. When our company began turning a profit in July of 2020 — thanks to the hard work of our team — the three of us had demonstrated we could weather the onslaught of COVID-19 stress. 

While it is true that our business has continued to succeed in the months (and now years) after the initial stresses of the pandemic — and while it is also true that the shared leadership model we originally created has worked — I still find myself thinking back on its creation. This is especially true at times when I am alone with my thoughts. 

Do You Want to Be CEO?

In last week’s post, I mentioned the leadership coach who regularly works with my sisters and me. And in late 2021, he asked all three of us, “Do you want to be the CEO?” I raised my hand and said that I did. 

As I told the group, being CEO had nothing to do with power. Instead, I think it is the culmination of leadership. It is the ultimate test, with nowhere to hide and no one to blame — if it’s done well. 

I also affirmed that each of my sisters was more than smart enough to hold the CEO role. One of them is blessed with immense financial wisdom, the other with creativity and communication skills necessary for a CEO to succeed. This, I said, was not about having authority over them. It was about my inner desire to lead. 

What’s Driving Your CEO Desire?

As I reflected on my desire to become CEO, I realized a few things. First, I had to ask myself whether my ego was driving that desire. As my executive coach would remind me, one’s ego isn’t inherently bad — it can actually be good. And upon reflection, I discovered that my ego was absolutely driving some of my desire to be CEO. After all, the title has meaning and worth in business culture. 

I asked myself, “Do I really need a title to feel good about myself?” And my answer was this: as I’ve shared many times, my identity is built on my faith in Jesus. He died for me, and His love is the ultimate sign of my worthiness and identity. I am worthy because He says I am, not because of what I do or don’t do. My identity is therefore His and not wrapped in some earthly achievement. 

If the above paragraph doesn’t resonate with you or your specific situation, that’s cool. But, for me, knowing that I am worthy in Jesus’ eyes is the most freeing truth in the world. I don’t need a title to be content. I need Jesus —only Jesus. 

Leadership is Influence

Freed of the negative side of my ego, I also realized something. I suppose I already knew it, but I saw with renewed clarity. It’s one of those things that is so elementary that it’s easy to miss its significance— so lean in. Here it is:

The only kind of leadership is shared leadership. 

Let that sink in. 

What is leadership? To quote John Maxwell, leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less. 

This morning at the gym, this is what I realized. True leadership is always shared leadership. Spending time with my sisters to explore different leadership models is a waste of time. It takes leadership (i.e., influence) to effectively move any initiative forward. What ISN’T leadership is jamming an initiative down people’s throats. Family or not, that’s not leadership — it’s a dictatorship. 

The success of every board and company rely on shared leadership. It is dependent on human beings using their influence to move organizations from point A to point B. The moment that shared leadership dies, so does the organization. That is unless a dictator emerges, which brings an onslaught of its own problems with it — too many to address here. The point is that leadership always requires compromise, sacrifice, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to work with others. 

Outsiders have occasionally criticized our shared leadership model by saying that our dad could not decide who to put “in charge,” nor could we, so we just took the safe route. There is probably some truth to that. But what they miss, and what I have come to realize, is that the model we created was the foundation for the executive leadership development we needed. I’m proud to say that the three of us siblings have spent two years leading a business together, increasing sales and profitability without damaging our personal relationships. 

Influence, compromise, and candor is the only way it happens.

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