Alex Hoffer

This month, I want to talk about the importance of a leader’s ability to pay it forward. Now, I realize that paying it forward can happen in a variety of ways, but for the purposes of our discussion, I want to explore four specific things that leaders can pass on: dignity, love, opportunity, and purpose. When a leader pays these things forward, new life develops in others. And while this may not be the leader’s intent, it goes a long way toward their transformation into someone that others find worth following. 

What I’ve Learned About Leadership From Abraham Lincoln 

One ritual I have developed over the years is reading about Abraham Lincoln. Other than the Bible, reading about Lincoln has been some of the most significant reading I have done in my leadership development journey because he is someone I want to emulate. This year, I chose to reread Doris Kearns Goodwin’s classic, Team of Rivals. The stories about Lincoln in today’s post come from this book. 

While there are so many attributes of Abraham Lincoln that I appreciate — his ability to use humor, the way he prioritized meeting with people in person, and his willingness to change his mind based on the input of trusted advisers, to name just a few — I want to focus today on his ability to bring dignity to others. 

Obviously, Lincoln found himself in arguably one of the most difficult leadership positions in modern history shortly after he was elected President. With states seceding from the Union and, shortly after, the onset of a Civil War, Lincoln’s task was monumental. 

As time went by and his thinking about race relations evolved, Lincoln opened up to the idea of meeting with former slave-turned-abolitionist Frederick Douglass. As Goodwin recounts, Douglass was actually a critic of Lincoln, believing Lincoln had not gone far enough in pursuing an end to slavery. So when Douglass showed up at the White House in August of 1863 without an appointment, he expected to wait for hours before seeing the President. However, two minutes later he was ushered in to see him. 

The Power of Feeling Heard

To gain the intended insight here we have to mentally travel back to 1863. No sitting President had ever met with a black abolitionist leader inside the White House, let alone listened to him. But not only did Lincoln do these things, he did more. As Douglass later recalled, “I felt as though I could put my hand on his shoulder.” 

Lincoln listened to Douglass’ concerns about how black soldiers were being treated as prisoners and their need for equal pay. And while Lincoln did not commit to changing federal policy on the pay issue, his voice “quivered” when describing the lengths he would go to protect all prisoners of war, regardless of color. 

At a later speaking event, Douglass said that while he was not entirely satisfied with how the conversation went, he felt heard. He went on to tell the crowd, “I tell you, I felt big there!” 

Think about that for a moment. Wouldn’t our leadership be better if others could say they felt “big” after talking with us? 

Dignifying Others is Leadership

In typical Lincoln fashion, this was not the last time he and Douglass met. In fact, they met several times the remaining two-plus years of Lincoln’s life. Lincoln even personally invited Douglass to his second inauguration. 

Afterward, Douglass was barred from entering the White House for the post-inaugural reception. When word reached Lincoln that this was happening, he stopped what he was doing and made sure Douglass gained entrance. Then he immediately talked with Douglass, setting to the side two Senators he was previously conversing with. 

Feeling a little embarrassed, Douglass reminded Lincoln of all the people he needed to see — according to Goodwin, Lincoln shook approximately 5,000 hands at that reception. But Lincoln persisted. “No, no,” Lincoln said, “you must stop a little, Douglass; there is no man in the country whose opinion I value more than yours. I want to know what you think of it?” referring to the inaugural address he’d delivered earlier that day. 

Douglass replied, “Mr. Lincoln, that was a sacred effort.”

Knowing Douglass was one of the few that would courageously tell the President the truth, Lincoln was now the man feeling “big.” 

Dignifying others is leadership. It is one of the best things we can pay forward. So, let’s follow Lincoln’s, and Douglass’, example. 

Let’s make others feel big this week. 

Like many of my posts, this post was born early one morning at the gym — I suspect it’s because, with my body engaged, my mind can wander while I’m working out. And over the past several years, my mind has often wandered to the topic of shared leadership. 

Admittedly, when my two sisters and I began telling others that we were going to share leadership of Hoffer Plastics, it was awkward — despite the fact that we thought it was the best way to move forward. Many people did not understand how it would work. What would happen when two of us wanted to take the business in a particular direction, and the third did not? What decisions would be made by all three of us, and which could be made autonomously? 

Not only were these questions worthy of our time, but they were instructive. We realized that if we wanted our shared leadership model to succeed, we had to gain clarity on our answers. We began the process of doing the work and clarifying expectations — and then the pandemic happened. 

As Mike Tyson allegedly said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” And boy, did COVID punch us square in the face! But it also helped us prioritize, rendering secondary issues unimportant and reinforcing the early bonds of our alliance. COVID also legitimized our shared leadership model in the eyes of internal and external stakeholders. After all, the biggest question for any leader (or leadership model) is how they will perform under stress. When our company began turning a profit in July of 2020 — thanks to the hard work of our team — the three of us had demonstrated we could weather the onslaught of COVID-19 stress. 

While it is true that our business has continued to succeed in the months (and now years) after the initial stresses of the pandemic — and while it is also true that the shared leadership model we originally created has worked — I still find myself thinking back on its creation. This is especially true at times when I am alone with my thoughts. 

Do You Want to Be CEO?

In last week’s post, I mentioned the leadership coach who regularly works with my sisters and me. And in late 2021, he asked all three of us, “Do you want to be the CEO?” I raised my hand and said that I did. 

As I told the group, being CEO had nothing to do with power. Instead, I think it is the culmination of leadership. It is the ultimate test, with nowhere to hide and no one to blame — if it’s done well. 

I also affirmed that each of my sisters was more than smart enough to hold the CEO role. One of them is blessed with immense financial wisdom, the other with creativity and communication skills necessary for a CEO to succeed. This, I said, was not about having authority over them. It was about my inner desire to lead. 

What’s Driving Your CEO Desire?

As I reflected on my desire to become CEO, I realized a few things. First, I had to ask myself whether my ego was driving that desire. As my executive coach would remind me, one’s ego isn’t inherently bad — it can actually be good. And upon reflection, I discovered that my ego was absolutely driving some of my desire to be CEO. After all, the title has meaning and worth in business culture. 

I asked myself, “Do I really need a title to feel good about myself?” And my answer was this: as I’ve shared many times, my identity is built on my faith in Jesus. He died for me, and His love is the ultimate sign of my worthiness and identity. I am worthy because He says I am, not because of what I do or don’t do. My identity is therefore His and not wrapped in some earthly achievement. 

If the above paragraph doesn’t resonate with you or your specific situation, that’s cool. But, for me, knowing that I am worthy in Jesus’ eyes is the most freeing truth in the world. I don’t need a title to be content. I need Jesus —only Jesus. 

Leadership is Influence

Freed of the negative side of my ego, I also realized something. I suppose I already knew it, but I saw with renewed clarity. It’s one of those things that is so elementary that it’s easy to miss its significance— so lean in. Here it is:

The only kind of leadership is shared leadership. 

Let that sink in. 

What is leadership? To quote John Maxwell, leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less. 

This morning at the gym, this is what I realized. True leadership is always shared leadership. Spending time with my sisters to explore different leadership models is a waste of time. It takes leadership (i.e., influence) to effectively move any initiative forward. What ISN’T leadership is jamming an initiative down people’s throats. Family or not, that’s not leadership — it’s a dictatorship. 

The success of every board and company rely on shared leadership. It is dependent on human beings using their influence to move organizations from point A to point B. The moment that shared leadership dies, so does the organization. That is unless a dictator emerges, which brings an onslaught of its own problems with it — too many to address here. The point is that leadership always requires compromise, sacrifice, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to work with others. 

Outsiders have occasionally criticized our shared leadership model by saying that our dad could not decide who to put “in charge,” nor could we, so we just took the safe route. There is probably some truth to that. But what they miss, and what I have come to realize, is that the model we created was the foundation for the executive leadership development we needed. I’m proud to say that the three of us siblings have spent two years leading a business together, increasing sales and profitability without damaging our personal relationships. 

Influence, compromise, and candor is the only way it happens.

One common question people ask me is, “What is it like to work with your siblings?” Over the next two weeks, I will use this blog to attempt to answer that question. Next week, I’ll talk about our shared leadership model, but for now, I want to share some lessons I have learned about relationships. 

Before I get started, let me clarify a few things. First, I do not think of myself as an expert in relationships in general or sibling work relationships. The lessons I’m sharing are simply observations made from my own experience. My sisters and I have worked together since 2008, and our path has been mostly smooth because we have engaged outside help. As far as I’m concerned, our leadership coach is the expert! 

Second, while our work relationships are constantly evolving, we have so far maintained healthy relationships outside of work. Our families travel together, and I often find myself at sporting events with my two brothers-in-law. Together, we have agreed that what would cause us to “walk away” from the business would be if our relationships began deteriorating. This is why we have sought out the professional help I mentioned above. 

With all that out of the way, here are the three main lessons I have learned working with my sisters. 

Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover

Most people have heard this lesson repeated since their early school years. That said, not judging a book by its cover is hard to always implement in real life. In fact, it is even harder to implement when it involves something (or someone) you know extremely well.  Especially when working with family, it’s tempting to think that you already know the story. But you may not. 

At work, since I know things about my sisters’ personal lives, I can be tempted to think I know the “book.” And while it may be true that I’m privy to a large proportion of what is going on in their lives, it doesn’t mean that I know everything. I must start from a place of knowing I don’t know everything before proceeding. 

Be Curious 

Curiosity moves me from judgment. The only way to discover what is in the “book” is to ask questions. I realize that I am at my best when I ask questions instead of making statements. Also, questions allow my sisters to open up, share what is happening in their lives with me, and ensure they feel heard.  

I must confess: this is difficult for me to do when I’m task-focused. When I’m focused on “getting it done” I assume that I know what my sisters will think, do, or say — and as a result, fail to ask clarifying questions. I am at my worst when I do this. 

Life is complex. The only way to develop a clear understanding of a situation is by asking questions and maintaining genuine curiosity. When I do that, I often discover that there is much more to the “book” than I first thought. 

Affirm Often 

One of my sisters recently shared her need for positive affirmation. It was brave of her to admit it, and it reminded me how much I, too, need it. Affirmation is an acknowledgment of one’s personhood. It says, “I see you, and I value you.” After all, what sibling doesn’t need that from their siblings? Better yet, what human doesn’t need that? 

Just like when I’m asking questions, I feel similarly at my best when I affirm others. This takes some guts because I have to overcome the feeling that what I am about to do or say will be viewed as “cheesy.” Sure, my high school friends from twenty-five years ago may have given me grief for being so sappy, but aren’t I past that? In my heart of hearts, I know that validating others helps me be my best. 

Cultivating Skills that Advance Relationships

Working with my sisters has helped me learn and develop necessary leadership skills. And it’s not a coincidence that the three lessons mentioned above — not judging a book by its cover, being curious, and affirming often — are all things that leaders worth following do regularly. 

Working with my sisters has allowed me to cultivate my leadership skills while nurturing our relationships. For our business to advance, we had to have hard conversations — otherwise, the company would suffer. The same can be said of any executive leadership team…it just so happens that our leadership team members are siblings. The three of us work hard to ensure that our relationships stay healthy. 

While no sibling dynamic is ever perfect, I end this post with the renewed perspective that the three of us are in a good place. I am thankful for this reality. I am also proud of it. Praise to the Lord for guiding us to this point!

It was late in the day, three days before Christmas. I left the office to run an errand for Sarah and then go home to pack for our trip the next day to see her parents. 2021 had been a challenging year, so I was relieved to have made it to the finish line. 

Then my phone rang. Our Director of Operations, Jim, wanted me to visit one of our future leaders the next day. Jim had offered this person an exciting new opportunity inside our business, so he wanted me to meet them and see if I could close the deal before Christmas. 

Admittedly, this “ask” excited me. It made me feel needed and matched my strengths. The only issue, however, was that I was going to be on the road early the next morning. I asked Jim if I could email the person instead? Jim replied that while a face-to-face conversation would be preferred, an email may be enough to push this over the finish line. I agreed and assured Jim that I would craft the email as soon as I got home that day — late in the day of what turned out to be my last official workday of 2021. 

After getting home, I told Sarah and the kids that I needed a little alone time in my home office. Closing the door, I could still hear my kids running around as they were excited to be leaving for Christmas the following morning! I told myself that I just needed to compose a quick email and be done. After all, I reminded myself, I am good at this. 

So I began writing. I was rather direct. This person is an upcoming leader in our company, and I felt strongly that this move would be positive. I encouraged them to distinguish themselves over others at their level by taking this opportunity. I told them that it would position them as a future leader in the company. After reviewing my email a few times and softening the tone, I hit send. It was time to pack. 

I did not hear back from my email until the first Sunday of the New Year. The response I received was a rather direct reply and did not offer much hope of the person taking the opportunity. The following day, they turned it down.

Adversity Lessons Learned

At this point in the post, you might be wondering why I am sharing this story? There are several reasons. 

First, in the context of this month’s theme of adversity, there is arguably no worse adversity than the kind you bring on yourself. Upon reflection, I wrote that email in a state of fatigue and emotional exhaustion. I was also prideful. I felt that I could “close the deal,” and that ego had come through in the email. And so we are clear, I am responsible for choosing to write the email. I own this mistake. 

Second, email was a terrible choice for this communication; I should have opted for the face-to-face discussion Jim requested. The situation could have easily waited until January 3rd. This was another poor decision on my part. 

Third, I am sharing this story because of the very direct response I got back. As Jim said when I shared it with him, it was a gutsy response. And it really was! It ticked me off. But turnabout is fair play. In hindsight, I’m sure that my email ticked them off — so, what did I expect in return? But there’s more to it than that. Do I want a team that feels like they can lay it all out to me? Or do I want a team that complies with what I say, no matter what? The answer is that I want a team that tells me EVERYTHING. Period. 

Finally, I am sharing this because regardless of everything — that I came off too strongly, that email was a poor form of communication, and that I want our team members to feel comfortable being open and honest with me —  I still think the person should have taken the opportunity! 

Avoiding Adversity ≠ Avoiding Disagreement

The point I am trying to make here is that two people can disagree about a new idea and still be together. In other words, there are no repercussions for disagreement. Dog houses are reserved for the backyard and the National Football League. They do not belong on a cohesive team. 

Admittedly, this was a humbling lesson for me to end 2021 with. I share it with you here in the hopes that you can learn from my missteps and avoid your own self-inflicted adversity.

There is something magical about playoff atmospheres in professional sports. Every play matters. Every shift of momentum can be the difference between winning and losing. With everything on the line, every integral detail matters. That is, until the game is decided. Only one team wins their last game in the end. So for most, the season ends with a humbling defeat. All the dreams, hopes, and energy put forth are gone. 

Having experienced this kind of failure, I can attest it is painful to its core. But, it is part of the process. 

While I would like to say that business and life are different from professional sports, they are not in this regard: Failure and adversity happen. 

February may be the most appropriate month of the year to take a deeper look at adversity. Here in Illinois, February (and the cold winter weather that accompanies it) can seem like it will last forever; it almost feels permanent. Adversity can often feel like that too — like it’s permanent, with no end in sight. 

During the next few weeks, I’ll offer some thoughts on overcoming adversity, but for now, let me start by saying this: to overcome adversity, we must first accept it. 

This may sound elementary, but it is not. 

Leaders Take Responsibility

When a football team loses a hard-fought playoff game, its coaches (or leaders) need to take responsibility for the loss, regardless of others factors. Looking for outside sources to blame leaves one in denial and opens the door to an unproductive, never-ending game of “what if.” 

“What if the referee had made the right call?”

“What if it didn’t rain during the 4th quarter?”

“What if the other team’s star player hadn’t recovered in time?”

Some fan bases have grown comfortable with this kind of reasoning. And let’s be honest — sometimes referees make bad calls, the weather doesn’t cooperate, or the lineup is different than anticipated. 

But, all of this “what if” misses the point that winners don’t blame others. Winners only become winners by accepting the loss and overcoming the adversity the loss brings with it. 

In my observation, many business leaders can easily see when professional athletes fall into the “blame game” mindset. But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot — their own? Who gets the blame when their company’s performance is abysmal? And what about when their company’s sales and profits are a fraction of what they used to be — whose fault is that? 

In the last two years, I have heard leaders point to Trump, Biden, COVID-19, and numerous other factors, from bad salespeople to unmotivated millennials, as the reason for their business’ decline. These excuses lead to denial and the “what if” game. It’s not productive, nor the kind of approach a winner takes. 

Accept the Loss

With that in mind, let me be clear: any lack of success at Hoffer Plastics has been MY doing. And because I share leadership with my sisters, it’s their doing as well. The point is that I will not blame our salespeople, our operations people, or anyone else I have the pleasure of leading. I will blame the bald guy I look at in the mirror each morning. 

I own it. 

Accepting adversity is the only way one can deal with adversity. Like a frigid February morning, it is not pleasant, but it is reality. 

The good news is that accepting the loss helps you take the first step to overcome it. You are no longer in denial because you are acknowledging that it exists. You can take stock, reflect, and make countless changes to come back better. 

But only if you take ownership of it.