Alex Hoffer

Lately, my blog posts have been deeply introspective. Today,  I will throw a curve ball, focusing on an extremely practical topic: how questions can help your team reframe its mindset. 

Recently, I sent three questions to our operation team’s leaders:

• What would more automation make possible? 
• From a human perspective, what is the best thing that has happened in your plant in the last 30 days? Feel free to brag on one of your team members!
• What excites you most about coming to work this season? 

I gave the team a few days to think about these questions before we met in person. We kicked off our meeting by discussing them. 

The first question was the only question that contained a “visionary” element to it. Our company currently has more automation projects than ever before, so the question got our leaders thinking about what I hoped they would think about: what more automation could make possible for their team members. One operation team leader shared that more automation would “allow their team to focus on more ‘life-giving’ tasks rather than mundane, repetitive activities.” In essence, this person gave voice to the “why” behind our strategy. 

The second question solicited the strongest responses from the group. One leader shared something I had not previously known: Team members in one of our plants had done some creative things to support a fellow employee who has cancer. It was the kind of story that made tears well up in the eyes of even our most reserved leaders — I was fighting back tears myself. It was touching and helped remind us of the “why” we do what we do: because everything we do matters to people. 

Finally, the last question also solicited strong responses. Some in the group related that while the previous couple of years had been hard, they appreciated the “fun” (their word) automation projects we have going on. Another person mentioned the team they lead and their generosity to someone in need. And yet another explained that they were enjoying the experience of building into one of their staffers, watching them flourish. 

As we got ready to move on to other topics, I asked the team if they felt different after discussing these questions — and all said they did. One even commented that they felt renewed to talk about the business issues of the day. 

I agreed — It was exactly what I needed as well. 

This is the power of questions. And my invitation to you is to ask good ones this week. Questions will help make your week better and your team stronger. 

One of the reasons I have curbed my social media use is because it tempts me to portray a version of myself that is not entirely accurate. Sure, it feels good to post pictures of the cool places, experiences, and events I have been blessed to partake in — but those things don’t capture the inner workings of me. At their best, they are examples of some of the fun I have been fortunate to have. At their worst, they are attempts to justify my self-worth as someone that is someone. 

If the above is too blunt, the rest of the post may be uncomfortable to read. In this post, I will attempt to uncover myself — at least as much as possible in a short blog post. In a sense, I am writing a journal entry that I’m sharing publicly through this blog. 

Why am I doing this? Because I realize that to lead others well, you must first lead yourself well. To do that, you need to understand who you really are. While there are many ways to do that — I work with an executive coach, accountability partner, and have countless conversations with my wife, Sarah, to name a few — one of the best ways is to jot down thoughts on a piece of paper. 

Leaders, before reading on, ask yourself: when was the last time you thought about why you do some of the things you do? What drives you? What is behind your pursuits? Wouldn’t uncovering these motivations help you lead yourself better? 

Getting Uncomfortable

So, without further ado, let’s get uncomfortable. 

At my worst, I carry shame. Shame is always rooted in the past. It can be things I have done or even something done to me. But it is never healthy or life-giving. Nor is shame from Jesus. It is always from the evil one. 

I used to think I was at my best when my work ethic went into overdrive. I’d get up early, work out hard, get to work, write a blog post before 10 a.m. on Monday, complete all my tasks, and fill my planner with check marks. Rinse and repeat. I’d get stuff done. 

At home, I do the same. I have a plan of attack for everything. I read more books than I can remember. I work hard. And I feel good about myself when I work hard. 

Did you read that last line? 

What’s at the core of that feeling — feeling good about myself when I work hard? 

It’s about: 

• Feeling good about myself 
• Feeling like I am enough
• Having others see my good work ethic 
• Being seen as “with it” or knowledgeable on a topic 
• Being praised

I can go on, but I will stop here. 

Grinding Through It

All this is good until it is not. I realized recently that I have been tired for about ten years. Sure, the doctor says my bloodwork is “great,” but I’ll admit that I’ve felt tired since my son Will was born in 2011. While this is a funny (and mostly true) joke, it is also a sad admission of how much I have gritted my teeth to get where I am today. 

Okay, I am exaggerating a bit. Sure, not every day of the past ten years has been of the “teeth-grinding” variety — and I’m of the firm belief that some teeth-grinding is necessary to do the hard things — but the overall point remains that I often pursue work as a way to boost my ego and eliminate negative feelings I have about myself. 

In recent years, I have found myself at my best when I relax. 

Working hard is not my problem; taking work of any kind too seriously is. 

The Present of Your Presence

I am at my best when I think less about words like “balance” and more about words like “presence.” Being fully present is more challenging than ever but more rewarding than ever. How do I achieve that presence? It isn’t by tackling 48 tasks on my to-do list and trying to simultaneously be present — presence is its own thing. 

I am at my best when I see the golf shot, feel it, and trust my ability to hit it. All mechanical thoughts — my vain human attempt to be good enough — are not present. 

I lead myself best when I see it, feel it, and trust it in everything I do. I admit that sounds idealistic and a little too “new age,” but it is the admission that all I can do is my best. And I should trust that whatever my best is will be good enough. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for leadership, fatherhood, or anything else. 

I also confess that I write a lot about golf because I have never measured up to my own expectations. I have failed. I had dreams I did not fully pursue in my youth, only to find those dreams come back and haunt me later. I write about that now because I fear making the same mistake in weightier matters. This is also why I “swing aggressively” when it is time to take the next shot! 

A Focus on Others Helps Me Lead Myself

I am broken. 

I am at my best when I realize this. I am best when I get outside myself long enough to notice others. To really see others. I am most proud of myself when I do that. 

Leadership is the process of doing things with and through other people. It was not until this post that I realized that focusing on leading others helps me lead myself. For it contains all the ingredients (other people and their interests) that help me get past myself, my shame, and my brokenness. 

It truly is more blessed to give than receive — and I know I’m at my best when I give. 

A Last Note

I may be broken, but Jesus says I am enough. There is nothing I can do to earn his love, nor is there anything I can do to lose it. There are consequences to every action, but my identity is secure. Brokenness can only persist when that identity is forgotten. Someone reading this post needed to hear that, which is why I added this last paragraph a month after writing everything above it.

I was recently reminded of the power of repetition, and how change happens suddenly over time. If the second half of that sentence does not seem to make sense, allow me to explain. 

Working in manufacturing, I make it a point to walk our production floor every day I am in the office. I want to see, know, and connect with the people who make up our team — and the only way to do that is by actually doing that, rather than giving lip service to it. I’ve learned that I simply put on my walking shoes and get moving! 

Repetition Leads to Routine

The first day that you go out and walk the shop floor, nothing will look or feel different. If you’re like me you would see people working across an injection molding facility. They would see you, with many waving or saying hello. It would be a good experience, potentially even an interesting one, but not a transformative one. You might be tempted to think it was not worth the effort. After all, you had to stop whatever it was that you were doing to go walk the production floor. 

Then the next day comes, and again, you would have a choice to make. Did yesterday matter? It probably did not feel like it did. It was nice seeing people, hearing from a few of them, but it was hardly transformational. Should you do it again? You committed to it, so out of pure commitment you do. 

You do the same the next day, and the day after that. A few weeks later, you realize that this is turning into a routine. Since it is part of your routine, you no longer have to be as intentional as you were at the beginning. It simply is part of what you do. 

Routine Leads to Transformation

At some point along the way, you’ll start to realize that the friendly nods and hellos are turning into some occasional conversations. The conversations are the best part. You begin to learn about of the challenges your teammates are facing at work, and occasionally, at home. 

Then one day, if you are like me, you realize that change has happened suddenly over time. This happens when you find yourself having one of those conversations that make the whole day worthwhile. The kind that is both meaningful and transformational. The kind that makes you feel like it was destiny. Sure, your title might be something fancy, but titles are just external descriptors of what you sort of do. Conversations like these, however, are tied to the person you are: A leader who realizes that they can only make things happen with, and through, other people. 

And this only happens through the power of repetition. The reality that each moment matters, and that each moment spent well, leads to transformational change. 

It happens suddenly, but over time. 

Many leaders I talk with have shared their frustration over one of their employees not performing as well as they could. They often refer to this problem as the problem of a difficult employee — an employee who isn’t giving them the results they want. 

Often, they place the focus on the problematic employee. The employee isn’t motivated. They are not doing what they are supposed to do. Their work is inconsistent. You get the idea. 

A Different Perspective

What if the difficult employee is not the problem? What if the problem is the leader? 

What if the leader has failed to set clear expectations of what performing well looks like? What if the leader has not regularly communicated their expectations? What if the leader has had many conversations about the difficult employee but never discussed their concerns with the employee in question? 

Blaming others is a lot like indulging in too much sugar. It tastes good going down and even leads to a short-term high, but it inevitably upsets your stomach and leaves you feeling worse. 

To be a real leader, you must own the problems you’ve helped create. And here is the reality: If you have someone on your team that you classify as a problematic employee, you have contributed to it. I’ll allow that you possibly hired the wrong person to begin with, but that is also on you. Or, more likely, there is something about your leadership that is lacking, and you are dealing with the repercussions. 

Been There, Done That

How do I know this? Because I have been there and done that. 

The Hoffer Plastics salesperson who wasn’t performing up to par was never the main problem or root cause. 

I was. 

I sometimes still am. 

How’s that for reality? 

So, where do we go from here? 

We take our medicine by owning it and changing our behavior going forward. 

On the front end, we make sure that we spend a LOT (emphasis needed) of time with potential hires. At Hoffer Plastics, I want to know that these potential teammates (not employees) are humble, hungry, and smart. This means they are team players who think about others more than themselves. They are self-starters. They also have a high emotional quotient (EQ) and know how to interact with others well. This keeps our team moving in sync and avoids inadvertently adding “difficult” folks to our team. 

Occasionally, however, “difficult” still makes it through the interview process. And that is always on me, not the person who made it through. But all is not lost. 

Clear Communication and Expectations

I believe in the power of clear communication and expectations. Sometimes tricky situations occur because communication and expectations are lacking. A Key Results Area (KRA), for example, gives a team member the blueprint for what success in their job entails. It also aligns the leader and employee to what the expectations are.  

There is no perfect way to write a KRA, but it must describe what winning looks like. If that sounds cheesy or too simplistic, then we are on to something. You do not need a Harvard MBA to be a successful leader — you need to be able to communicate clearly enough that a fifth grader can understand what winning looks like. 

Here is an example for a salesperson:

Key Result Area #1: Land new customers in the medical market 

What winning looks like: 

Winning means that we have a new relationship in our fastest-growing market. It will energize our team and bring a level of personal satisfaction for the contribution I have made. It also recognizes that my contribution is just one of many. We are one team. This will take the team working together, so winning will happen with everyone at the finish line together. 

What it will take: 

• Attendance at MD&M Medical Design & Manufacturing show
• Handwritten thank you notes to people that stop at our booth 
• One-on-one, in-person meetings with prospective customers 
• Learning how to help the customer win and guiding them elsewhere if we can’t help 
• Quick (within X hours/days) responses to questions and RFQs
• Gaining commitment when all the above aligns.

The above example clarifies what success looks like and what it will take to be successful. 

The Choice is Yours

Difficulty only arises when the team member is not doing what it takes or is doing things in a way that contradicts the company’s values. When this happens, the leader should produce the KRA and/or company values and honestly discuss them with the employee. 

Coming full circle, the point of this post is to get you to consider what you can do in your leadership to address difficult employees. You have to choose whether you want to keep eating sugar — blaming the difficult employee for everything — and feeling bad in the long run? Or do you want to take your medicine — realizing your contribution to the mess you are observing — and work to fix the problem? 

The latter is a different approach and one that leads the organization back to health. 

Last week I asked the question, “Do you love others enough to admit when you are wrong?” 

Answering this question positively helps a leader become someone worth following. It also helps them do things with and through other people, which is the process of leadership. 

This week’s question provides similar benefits if we take it seriously. It is: 

Do you love yourself enough to find out what you do not want to know about yourself? 

If this feels uncomfortable, that’s okay — it’s supposed to. And to get the most out of the answer, it makes sense to first address the second part of the question: what DON’T you want to know about yourself? 

For me, it runs the gamut:

• I don’t want to know what irritates other people at work 
• I don’t want to know my blind spots 
• I don’t want to know the specific things I say and do that annoy Sarah
• I don’t want to know what annoys my kids — especially once they become teenagers and are experts on everything! 

Do You Want Feedback or Feedback Lite?

As I read what I’ve written above, I can sense some of you saying, “Not me. I really want to know those things!”  If that’s the case, that’s great! Either you’re more mature than I am and actually want to know ALL of that, or you know that saying you want to know that stuff is the right thing to say. 

But most of us (me included) say that we want feedback, but what we mean is something more along the lines of feedback lite. In other words, “I want to know all the things that I ALREADY know about myself, and maybe one or two things other that are not too offensive. But, definitely not everything.”  

How can I tell I don’t want to hear the above items? Because I react poorly when they are unsolicitedly shared with me. Or am I the only one who doesn’t handle it well when my wife points out one of my faults on a day when I’m tired, and work was a beast? 

Seriously, am I the only one that handles that poorly? 

Getting Feedback to Get Better

If I really love myself, I want to get better. This involves hearing things about myself that I do not want to hear — even when the feedback comes when I haven’t asked for it. 

I like simple ideas, so here is one to start the process of hearing things you do not want to hear about yourself: 

• Share the topic of this post — that you need to hear things about yourself that you probably do not want to hear so that you can improve as a person. 
• Guarantee that there will be no repercussions or fallout (and stick to it!)
• Ask that they be gentle but uncomfortably honest. 
• Then ask, “How am I doing as your [fill in the blank]? What can I do better?”

Who should you ask? Here’s a list to get you started:

• Coworker 
• Boss 
• Direct report 
• Spouse (or best friend)
• Child(ren) / another family member 

These people will unlock insights about you that will help you become a better person. 

They Call it the “Painful” Truth for a Reason

Learning this about yourself may not feel good in the moment, but it is the actual loving thing to do. I say this with confidence because it will change you for the better. 

Before closing, I want to remind you that it’s crucial to analyze and interpret the feedback you receive — someone’s opinion of you is not gospel, it’s just their opinion. Listen to what they share and find the truth behind it. 

Leaning into what you do not want to hear is admittedly not fun. It is often painful. But it is also often the place where transformation begins. 

If you want what is best for yourself, seek out what you do not want to hear about yourself. You will become a better person and, by default, a better leader.