Alex Hoffer

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Who Defines Your Identity?

Personal Growth

Stop defining yourself by what you think you aren’t. 

Start defining yourself by who God says you are. 

Scripture says: 

  • “So God created mankind in his own image…” (Genesis 1:27) 
  • “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..” (Psalm 139:14)
  • “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)
  • You are utterly secure in God; “neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39) 

How Will You Define Yourself?

Here is the deal:

You can define yourself by what you think, what the world thinks, or in a lot of other ways. 

Or you can redefine yourself with what scripture says. 

Your identity. 

Your choice. 

Just make a decision.

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Dear Sadie (2023)

Birthday Post

My daughter turns seven today. Here is a letter to her. 

Dear Sadie,  

There is a movie I have written about on my blog before called “About Time” — someday in the future, I will watch it with you. At the end of the movie, there’s a moment where the father transports himself back to a time he spent with his young son on the beach. His son runs into the waves, plays, and laughs; it’s a perfect moment that the dad wants to remember about his son’s childhood. 

There will come a time when I will think back to this year and remember you at this age. I will remember you dancing in our kitchen. I will remember your bright pink outfits. I will remember hearing you singing “Let It Go” in the shower. And I will certainly remember the warmth of you cuddling up next to me as we watched one of the lousy shows the boys picked for us to watch on TV. 

There will come a time when I hope you begin to know how meaningful these moments have been to me. When I think of how uniquely special all three of you are, I can’t help but think of how unique your gentleness is — it has touched a deep part of me this year. Jesus talked about the faith of a child, and it is clear that his gentleness has been entrusted to you as a gift. Your gentleness is heavenly. So, share sparingly. 

There will come a time when I have advice to offer in this letter, but not today. Today, keep twirling. Keep singing. Keep dancing. And when the harder times and lessons come, I advise you to fall back into these childhood habits. After all, you’ve taught me that it is better not to take life, or yourself, too seriously. 

We actually are better off dancing. 

To that end, there will also come a day when I look back and dream I could see my dancing seven-year-old one more time. 

With all the love in the world, 

Dad

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Alex’s Unofficial Rules of Little League

Special Post

In the Hoffer household, every April through mid-July is Little League season! And as a veteran Little League parent, I’ve learned a few things over the years.

With that in mind, allow me to introduce my completely unofficial (and slightly tongue-in-cheek) rules for Little League parents. 

  1. Anticipate the weather being 30 degrees hotter or colder than the temp your weather app said it would be. Dress appropriately, even if that entails long underwear on Memorial Day weekend.
  2. Eat whenever you can leading up to the game. If you need to eat lunch at 10AM or dinner at 4PM, do it. The concession stand hot dog is only good when you are near starvation — and all those who claim it is good are near starvation.
  3. Do eat the concession stand popcorn. It somehow always tastes better at Little League.
  4. The bathroom situation is like Illinois state politics. For the sake of everyone’s stomach, I’ll leave it at that.
  5. Decide beforehand if “having fun” is REALLY what you believe. Every adult claims this is what it’s about, but only about 1% follow through on this belief after the first pitch is thrown.
  6. Remember that the umpire is usually a teenager (in-house game) or volunteer adult (all-star/travel). Neither umpire for a living. Both are human and WILL make mistakes. Ask yourself if you would A. want to umpire and B. be any better at it? If you answer both “yes,” please sign up at your local Little League — we play games every season without an umpire and could use the help.
  7. Obsess more over your kid’s handling of adversity than success. Hitting the home run may happen once or twice a career, but strikeouts will occur more often. So how Junior handles a strikeout, bad call, or any of the frustrations that come with baseball are the most applicable lessons of Little League.
  8. Everyone knows that 99.99% of these kids are not destined for a career in the MLB. A good practice for most dads (and moms!) is to start the day repeating this statistic to themselves over and over. Seriously — repeat it over and over!
  9. Yelling at kids in Little League is just as effective as yelling at your preferred news channel or your favorite team’s mediocre quarterback during the playoff game.
  10. Yelling at coaches and/or making sarcastic remarks is similarly unhelpful. Respectfully, get off your butt and coach if you know everything.
  11. If you’re coaching, however, remember that this is not game seven of the World Series. Elaborate signs, strategy, and the like make you look as petty as one of those politicians you are yelling at in rule #9.
  12. Speaking of yelling: There is simply TOO MUCH yelling at Little League these days. Leave the yelling to the kids clamoring for ice cream or donuts.
  13. Finally, a baker’s dozen donuts can single-handedly help a team come back from an 8-1 last-inning deficit. Don’t ask me how this happens, but I saw it with my own eyes at a tournament this season. Those kids chanted “Donuts! Donuts!” after the game ended. Now THAT is how every little league game should end! 

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Ownership Mentality

Leadership

Earlier this year, Craig Groeschel released a powerful podcast, “The Most Important Mindset You Need to Succeed.” In it, he talks about generational businesses and the differences from one generation to the next. Most companies don’t make it to the third generation — a reality I’ve often heard as a third-generation leader — so I was all ears to learn from Craig on this topic. 

While I am not going to cover the entire podcast here (do yourself a favor and listen to it yourself), I will share that Craig’s “The Gen 1 Mindset” really resonated with me. Craig asserts that Generation 1 has an ownership mindset because they typically are the owners. This means they: 

  • Think higher
  • See broader 
  • Care deeper

Put plainly, Craig says that “owners obsess over what is the best for the organization.” 

And that made me think.

Question for Thought

Do YOU obsess over what is best for the organization? 

Yep, I’m asking you, the reader of this post. 

Do you just have a job, or do you have a calling? 

Are you the kind of leader that looks within and examines their leadership failures? 

My Challenge to You

I am posing these questions as a wrap-up for topics I’ve discussed in Q2. I believe you need to have an ownership mentality — an obsession over what is best for the organization and its people — to be someone worth following. 

I challenge you to take time this week to reflect. 

What needs to become true for you to take an ownership stake so that you can think higher, see broader, and care deeper?

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July 4th and My Papa

Special Post

If I could do anything this 4th of July, it would be the same thing I would choose any other year: spend one more day with my Papa. He has been gone since 2005, and I always think of him on July 4th because his birthday was the following day. 

Papa was a man who served in World War II, worked his entire life in his father-in-law’s pharmacy, and was an avid baseball fan. More importantly, he was married for 61 years to my grandmother and an amazing father and grandfather. 

These characteristics are worth celebrating on July 4th:  

Service

Our veterans demonstrate the American value of service at the highest level. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). 

Work

Working the same job for decade after decade takes grit. Both of my grandfathers exhibited this kind of grit and along with millions of others, built the fabric of a country worth celebrating on July 4th.  

Baseball 

“People will come Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom….The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it’s part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good and it could be again.” 

Although the above is fiction from the movie “Field of Dreams,” I often look at baseball and am reminded of the progress of America. Perfect? Of course, not. But a work in progress just like our national pastime. 

Family

The most important of human relationships we have! America is best when we are best for those we most cherish. Building the family, keeping it secure, and making it a place of safety, frees people up to thrive. And this is worth celebrating on the 4th of July! 

While July 4th may have been a week ago, I still wish all the readers of this blog a Happy Fourth of July. Treasure your family, and make some memories over the summer. I will do the same as I remember Papa and dream of watching one more baseball game with him.

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A Message of Encouragement

Personal Growth

Earlier this year, I had an extremely difficult day. I won’t go into the details but suffice it to say it was the hardest work day in 2023. I definitely could’ve used some encouragement that day — and when I awoke the next day, this message was at the forefront of my mind. I’m sharing it with you now in the hopes that if you find yourself needing encouragement, these words can offer you some solace and hope: 

Don’t give up.

I know we have all heard that too many times before. But it still applies. 

  • Your heart may tempt you that your circumstances need to change. 
  • Your eyes may tempt you via social media that others have it better. 
  • Your brain may tempt you that you do not have what it takes. 
  • Your soul may tempt you that you need to give up. 

Welcome to life. 

  • Change yourself. This makes a bigger impact than changing your circumstances.   
  • Celebrate others’ highlight reels while also realizing everyone has moments they would rather not publish on social media. 
  • Believe better is possible. Reopen your brain for business! 
  • And remind yourself of who and what has gotten you to this point. 

Dancing on a Monday

As I write this, Monday is approaching — and I cannot wait. 

Bring it on, and let’s dance. 

I am not a good dancer, but we are dancing on Monday! 

Why? 

Because we are alive. 

So, let’s act like it. 

My invitation is to embrace this message. 

Accept this challenge. 

You can dance too.

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The Dad List 2023

Special Post

Random thoughts of a 41-year-old father of three (presently aged 6, 9, and 11)  

  1. Tell your kids you love them with words. They still need to hear it. 
  2. Walk close to your kids that want to walk close, and let your kids that want to walk ahead do so. Parenting is a simultaneous combination of closeness and looseness.   
  3. Always point out what your kids are doing right on the sports field, in school, or at home. Positive affirmation will help them grow more than negative correction. 
  4. Correct their character when it needs correction. This sounds contrary to number three, but it isn’t. Character is much deeper than “form” or “performance.”  
  5. Loving their mom wholeheartedly may be the best way to serve your children. 
  6. Hug your kids before bed every night. 
  7. Explain the “why” behind the decisions you make. Help them to understand the decision-making process so they can use it themselves. 
  8. Loosen the reins as they get older. Remind them that the reins are only loosened with trust but lead them in the transition from “rule-based obedience” to “personal discipline.” 
  9. Cast a vision of what being an adult looks like — things like taking responsibility, leading yourself, and effectively managing money, among MANY other things we’ve talked about this year.
  10. Model the joy of learning. Talk about what you are reading, listening to, and learning. 
  11. Model the positive use of technology. Put your phone away during a one-on-one conversation, or explain why you are answering an email at a professional sports event. Obviously, the goal is not to be. But modeling how — and more importantly, why this is OCCASIONALLY (emphasis intended) necessary is essential as they prepare for a technology-dominated future.   
  12. Demonstrate what a Sabbath looks like. The world is non-stop, so explain why and even how you rest. 
  13. Humanize people in the news through the lens of grace. Try to explain opposing viewpoints in a way that gives them the proper respect. This is counter-cultural and Biblical. 
  14. Try to make your kids laugh from time to time. I occasionally achieve this by talking in a funny voice (I do impersonations if I’m in the right mood!), gently poking fun at them, and talking trash when I dominate them in basement basketball. 
  15. Tell them you love them with words. They still need to hear it. Yes, I am repeating number one, but this is the most important thing. So do it twice. 

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“The Process is Fearless”

Leadership

I recently read a biography of baseball manager Joe Maddon called “The Book of Joe.” The book is filled with actionable leadership advice on topics ranging from how the baseball manager creates the team culture to how to put players in positions to be their best. If you think about it, a baseball manager does things with and through other people 100% of the time. After all, the manager is not the one batting at the plate with the game on the line — the players are. 

Of the many things Joe Maddon is known for, his catchphrases stand out. When he was managing the Cubs, “Try not to suck” became a t-shirt seen all over Chicagoland. Others that stand out are “Don’t ever permit the pressure to exceed the pleasure,” “Don’t interfere with greatness,” and “The process is fearless.” I’ll focus on the latter in today’s post. 

The Mid-Year Unhinging

I am posting this blog toward the midpoint of the year on purpose. Is it me, or does this time of the year always feel like when things become a little unhinged? The winter months tend to make us slow down, whereas the onset of better weather usually brings more to do. Whether that’s kids’ activities, the business conference “season,” or a variety of other factors, it is easy to start feeling overwhelmed and tired by June. It is easy to ask ourselves, “What were my intentions going into this year anyway?” 

If we are not careful, it is easy to start thinking about all the demands of the future.

  • Will the economy ever rebound? 
  • How will our business grow with these conditions? 
  • How can I keep going amid all the to dos that don’t stop even on the weekend? 

Or, we may be tempted to think of the past.

  • As hard as the supply chain crisis was, our business was thriving in 2021. 
  • The early days of our product line brought so much opportunity and excitement! 
  • I don’t miss the winter weather, but I actually had weekends in January. 

Stay in the Moment

The process is fearless was Joe Maddon’s way of reminding his team to first stay in the moment. Second, it is a reminder to focus on the process, not the results. Finally, it brings the brain and emotions back into alignment. 

After all, the ego enjoys the past, and thoughts of the future feed anxiety. Staying in the moment calms the ego and uproots anxiety. 

A fun thing I am doing on the side this spring is helping assistant coach my son’s baseball team. One of our goals as coaches is to try to help our kids stay in the moment. Our head coach, who hasn’t yet read Maddon’s book, still began our spring with a similar saying for our kids to internalize: “Win the next pitch.” 

I will close this post with this idea because it is the exact sentiment that Joe Maddon was trying to convey: “The process is fearless.” Whether you are an 11-year-old who just struck out or a professional that just hit a ball 500 feet, “Win the next pitch” is a mindset that keeps one focused on the present.

Thank you for taking a few moments to read this post. I encourage you to take a deep breath and focus on the process of your work. Win the next “pitch. Repeat the deep breath, and go again. 

Cheesy? 

Perhaps. 

But staying in the moment was how the Chicago Cubs ended 100-plus years of futility. Maybe Joe Maddon was on to something after all? 

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The Identity Mall

Leadership

There is a mall that I go to often. My daughter does not even know what a mall is, so I should explain for any of my younger readers that it is a place people used to go to to buy things. The mall I unintentionally go to is unique, and it is called the Identity Mall.

The Identity Mall is open 24/7, and shopping there is especially inviting when you are feeling low. It is a place where everything is on sale, yet everything ends up costing more than the price you pay. Still, its shops are so enticing that I am often tempted to shop.

The Success Shop

There is the success shop. It promises that success will help me feel secure and satisfied. It is a place where all my dreams will come true! If I am honest, I have often been tempted to blow all my savings here. “If only,” I think.

The Approval Shop

Sometimes, however, I shop at the approval shop. It can be awkward with its floor-to-ceiling mirrors. However, I can get past this as people are inside the store cheering me on no matter what I do. They don’t even care if what I am doing is healthy. And their cheering certainly feels good to me. But the only way to keep it going is to keep shopping there.

The Pleasure Shop

This gets tiring after a while, so I head to the pleasure shop. The seats inside this shop are the most comfortable seats I have ever sat in! To top it off, the people inside the store serve the best wine, and give me a catalog outlining potential golf trips I could take, or new cars I could buy. The possibilities for pleasure are immense. But I often start feeling guilty about all of it, so I move on to the next shop. 

The Family Shop

Around the food court and playground is the biggest shop yet, the family shop. Finally, one that feels just about right. To my surprise, my three kids are already inside this shop. There is nothing to buy here, however, only the kids. The kids become the product, as it is up to them to make my identity feel good. My goodness, one of them is running to the success store to buy something. The other just sprinted to the approval store. I am getting out of here before the third runs somewhere else.

But where do I go now? 

The Past and the Future

At the end of the hall, there is even a bigger store simply called “the past.” It looks like an old movie theater. Actually, it has all the good smells from 1980-something — buttered popcorn, candy, and sugary soda or pop (not deciding that argument here). And the previews show the highlight reel from my golf “career.” It is kind of awkward that it is showing that. It must say something about me?

Next door is the same setup, but it’s called “the future.” No one is going inside this theater, however. People are just pacing and talking to themselves. The future seems to make everyone nervous. I think I have had enough of this place.

This place always costs more than it is worth. 

Where Are You Shopping? 

Welcome back to reality. The Identity Mall may not be a real place, but it is certainly a place I have been before. Of course, it always happens subconsciously. I share the above to simply ask this question: 

Where are you shopping for your identity? 

Spend time reflecting on this question this week. 

While I cannot answer for you, I find the most peace when I return to my faith in Jesus. You can judge for yourself, but for me, it takes looking to him and understanding the price for which I was bought, to free me to be free.

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Memorial Day Thoughts from a Veteran Who Made it Back Home

Guest Post

The following is a post written by my friend, and Veteran, Matt Mason:

It has been ten years since I left Camp Lejeune for the last time — and when Memorial Day rolls around, my family, friends, and colleagues often ask me how they can thank me as a veteran. What is the best way to honor those who have served our country?

The answer I give often surprises people. I believe we should live (and live freely) in a country that has always loved, honored, and fought for freedom. We have fought for our freedom of religion, of speech, of the press, and of our right to assemble, to name a few. The best way to thank a veteran is to actively enjoy those freedoms — don’t take them for granted — and ensure we pass them along to the next generation.

Honoring the Fallen

But this Memorial Day, I want to remind you of something else — a piece that sometimes gets lost in all of the political rhetoric, the photo ops, or the latest Applebees-sponsored free lunch for veterans. I want to remind you that Memorial Day is about those who DIED in the course of service for the very freedoms that we possess and enjoy.

One of the most sobering moments of my life was in November 2009. I had just finished the Marine Corps marathon the day before, and my wife and I stopped at Arlington Memorial Cemetary on our way back to North Carolina. Walking on stiff, achy legs through thousands of crosses on a breezy, cool day brought me an overwhelming sense of peace and humility. It was awe-inspiring to see the number of men and women there who have been laid to rest, many of them perishing in the heat of battle. To this day, the moment is seared into my memory as an example of what it means to memorialize the fallen.

The Healthy Side of Survivor’s Guilt

My days of military service have long since passed, but I would be lying if I said I don’t live with some guilt about surviving my three combat deployments. Most combat veterans do — some of it healthy, some of it not. The healthy side of that guilt motivates me to make the most of my life and never to stop living, enjoying, and teaching others about our freedoms. The healthy side of it reminds me of the eternal hope we have on this side of heaven. 

God obviously had a different plan for me, so what will I do with it? That is a question that we can answer at another place and time. Is it fair that some return home from the fight and some do not? I’m uncertain there is enough human wisdom to answer that question in a way that would make sense. Our God makes his feelings known on this subject, “Greater Love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13. 

The men I served with were my teammates, brothers, and friends. We loved each other and would gladly have given our lives for each other. Maybe those who have given their life in service to this country are reaping the reward of knowing they laid down their life for their friends, fellow Americans, and fellow man. Let’s honor them this Memorial Day.

God Bless,

Matthew J Mason

Capt. USMC

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