Alex Hoffer

A Letter to Will

Birthday Post

Series Introduction

It has become my annual tradition to write birthday letters to my kids on this blog. I was recently traveling on a business trip, and my mind turned to this year’s letters. 

My kids have so many attributes that I admire and treasure. This reminded me of Paul’s writing in Galatians about the “Fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). As Paul teaches, these become evident in people when they abide in the Spirit of God. Or, in modern words, when our charger is connected to God, we are powered by him to display the attributes Paul refers to. 

I am totally biased and bragging, but God has produced these fruits in my kids. Therefore, in this year’s letters, I will identify three fruits that come to mind for each child. Before beginning, here is the scripture to keep in mind while reading these letters: 

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. [24] Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. [25] Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. [26] Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. — Galatians 5:22-26 NIV

Dear Will,

I am writing this letter shortly after watching you play five baseball games over 48 hours. The next day, you walked 18 holes in a golf tournament despite the heat and humidity. Your energy reminds me of my own a long time ago, and now I can only stand in admiration. 

As Mom and I tell all three of you, your performance on the field does not matter all that much. You can strike out 100 times in a row, and we will not love you any less. Or, you can strike out 100 batters in a row, and we will not love you any more. As you age, I pray that you own this lesson: Unconditional love has zero conditions. 

And continuing on the theme of thinking about the Fruits of the Spirt, here are three fruits God has given you in abundance…

Patience 

Your patience has stood out during the baseball season this year. Despite success with your in-house team, you weren’t pitching in your all-star games. While I was frustrated, you seemingly were not. You stuck with it. When I asked whether you were frustrated about hitting lower in the lineup, your response was mature: “I have not gotten any big hits yet, so I should be in the lower part of the lineup for now.”

You were not dissuaded. You continued to show up and work at practices. Because of this, one of your coaches took a liking to you and began working with you on pitching. He taught you how to throw a “cutter” and advocated for you to get pitching opportunities. As your father, what I liked most about this was that I had nothing to do with it — this didn’t come as the result of me having some kind of talk with the coaches. It came because you were patient and hard-working. 

Fast forward to this past weekend, and there you were, closing out the first playoff game and throwing three scoreless innings in the second. You also had multiple big hits. Your patience was rewarded! 

Kindness 

Perhaps the most remarkable fruit you possess is your kindness. You can leave an all-star baseball game, come home and shower, and then play with your sister in a way that meets her where she is. This flexibility teaches me that I need to be the kind of man who meets people wherever they are, regardless of what I have going on. Your play with her also has a sense of freedom and joy that is instructive. My prayer for you is that you never lose this. Don’t “grow up” in this area. Instead, let your inner child continue to adulthood.

The other reason I think about your kindness is twofold. First, I think it is one of the defining features of your mother and something you have shared with her since you were born. Secondly, it is what I hear about you from your coaches. In fact, when you accidentally tossed your bat running to first base in an in-house league game in June, your coach told the opposing coach, “I know Will did not do that on purpose. He is the kindest kid on our team.” That was a “home run” for your mother and me. 

Self-Control 

While your kindness reminds me of your mother, your self-control (and discipline) remind me of myself. I can come home from lunch and know that you’ll be doing what you must to get your schoolwork done. Whether it’s Latin, science, or math, it doesn’t matter. I also know that you’ll practice baseball and golf with a commitment to excellence. 

However, one aspect of your self-control that I can learn from is your ability to stay cool in the moment. Whether you are pitching in a late-inning of a tournament game or playing in a golf tournament, you exhibit an outward expression of self-control and confidence. Potential results do not intimidate you. Rather, you just throw the next pitch or make the next shot. I admire this — and aim to embrace it in my own golf game and at work! 

One Last Reminder… 

One thing I have fought — and had to learn time and time again — is that my identity is not based on my performance. Honestly, at my worst, I am killing myself on the inside for missing the putt in golf, saying the wrong thing at work, and failing to lead our business to the success I know we can obtain. This is the downside of self-drive, determination, and discipline. 

The reality is that no amount of good work will ever save me or give me a lasting feeling of success and significance. 

I have discovered that Paul was right when he said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

In this famous passage, Paul reminds the church of Corinth that human weakness (Paul’s thorn in the flesh) provides the ideal opportunity for the display of God’s power. 

Failure and weakness are inevitable. No amount of self-control, kindness, or patience will deliver you from this. Only Jesus will. And only with Jesus will you be able to exhibit these fruits amid weakness and failure. Doing so is maturity. 

The point is that regardless of your ability to do this, and despite the inevitable slip-ups, mistakes, and losses, your mom and I love you. 

There are no conditions. 

Love, 

Dad  

A Letter to Will Read More »

A Letter to Sadie 

Birthday Post

Series Introduction

It has become my annual tradition to write birthday letters to my kids on this blog. I was recently traveling on a business trip, and my mind turned to this year’s letters. 

My kids have so many attributes that I admire and treasure. This reminded me of Paul’s writing in Galatians about the “Fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). As Paul teaches, these become evident in people when they abide in the Spirit of God. Or, in modern words, when our charger is connected to God, we are powered by him to display the attributes Paul refers to. 

I am totally biased and bragging, but God has produced these fruits in my kids. Therefore, in this year’s letters, I will identify three fruits that come to mind for each child. Before beginning, here is the scripture to keep in mind while reading these letters: 

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. [24] Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. [25] Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. [26] Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. — Galatians 5:22-26 NIV

Dear Sadie,

I am writing your letter from a hotel in Northern Italy on the last day of a three-and-a-half-day business trip in early summer. Our trip ended with a dinner last night, at which one of the attendees asked me:  “I once was told that there is nothing better in the entire world than an 8-year-old daughter. Is that true?” 

As my emotions welled up, I could hardly answer. 

Love 

The first word that comes to mind when I think about you is love. Of course, I love your brothers, your mom, and Jesus, too! But I think about it in relation to you because you radiate love. As you enter a room, so does love. If your presence were weather, it would be the longest sunny day of the year because the love you radiate is energizing and warm. 

One of my favorite moments this year was watching you dance during your dance recital in May. For a moment, all the other girls disappeared, and you were alone (at least in my mind) twirling and smiling in the middle of the stage. It was a precious moment for me — one that I could relive a hundred lifetimes. 

Peace 

You’ve had conflicts with your brother Ben this year — nothing outside the norm, but they have been present. What’s behind this is often your twofold desire to have his time and attention and your drive for peace. You have a motherly desire for things to be right and peaceful. It is one of the things that I most admire about you. 

This is also one of the gifts that you give me. In addition to your love, your presence brings me a sense of peace, making all my cares, stresses, and worries disappear. There have been multiple occasions this year where you have snuggled up next to me, and all my problems have melted away like a snowman on a late winter’s day. You are simply a gift to me. 

Gentleness 

Finally, you have the most gentle soul of any one of us. This is exhibited by your sensitivity to animals — whether they are real or stuffed — it doesn’t matter! Even though you are the youngest, you mother your brothers by showing compassion to them through your gentleness. 

Nowhere is this more evident to me than through your hugs. There have been more times than I can count when, just before I am about to leave for the office in the morning, you get up from your breakfast and come over and hug me. Those moments are quite possibly the best moments of my life. They bring more love, peace, and gentleness into my soul than I can count for a thousand lifetimes. 

A Final Note 

As a father, “About Time” has become my favorite movie of all time. There are moments in that movie that make me think about your mother and all three of my kids. Beyond that, there is also the age-old lesson that time always passes, even for the time traveler. 

I don’t want this time to pass. As much as I look forward to days in the future, even walking you down the aisle, I do not want those days to come. 

At least not yet. 

From this movie, I learned how much I have to treasure life right now. Nothing is guaranteed, and the moments we have are all that we have. 

I have done my best to treasure these moments with you — and to be sure, you make them worth treasuring. The problem is that the attributes you display are so abundant and rich that it would take a thousand lifetimes to soak them all in and not miss anything. 

The reality is that however great these moments are, they are only a taste of what will come. Not only that, but the son of God, Jesus, exhibits them all in indescribable abundance. He, after all, is the tree from which our fruit originates. So, I will end this letter by treasuring every second I have with you this coming year and maintaining the perspective that the best is still to come in this world and the next. 

My life would not have been complete without you as my daughter. 

I thank Jesus for this every single day. 

I love you, 

Dad 

A Letter to Sadie  Read More »

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

Leadership

I was recently driving down a busy street in our city and came up to a light that had turned yellow. Instead of driving through the yellow light, I tapped the brakes and stopped as the light turned red. However, the car next to me went through the yellow light and made it in the nick of time. 

As I sat there waiting, my mind turned to my behavior. Why did I stop? I don’t always stop when the light turns yellow, so why did I stop this time?  I also began to wonder about red light cameras and their effectiveness. The presence of a red light camera influences my behavior as I don’t want to pay for an unnecessary ticket. But I often don’t even realize there’s a red light camera until it is too late. So, how effective are they? 

Like any punitive measure, one has to wonder what the real motive behind red light cameras is. Is it truly safety? Or is it to generate revenue? And would something else be more effective in creating safer driving conditions? What if, for example, instead of a ticket for people who go through red lights, people who slow down were given some kind of reward? 

Imagine a letter coming in the mail: “Congratulations, because you practiced safe driving on April 23rd, you are being entered into a drawing for a $500 Amazon gift card. Thank you for being a safe driver!” Would such a letter be more effective in influencing you to slow down at intersections? 

The more I thought about this, the more my mind turned to what we do at Hoffer Plastics. How many “red light cameras” do we have? How often are we only looking to catch people doing something wrong instead of looking for things they are doing to keep people safe or make things better?

This was a humbling thought.

What if, on the other hand, we started looking for things people were doing well? 

Catch Them Doing Things Well

For example, what if a camera caught someone following a safety procedure? What if we could go up to that person and thank them? 

Or, what if we saw somebody being a good teammate? What if a company leader went to that person and handed them a gift card to treat some of their teammates to lunch? What kind of difference would that make? 

Finally, what if we observed someone picking up a part on the floor or sweeping a mess? What if we smiled and affirmed how valuable this was to our business and the cleanliness of our facility? What difference would that make? 

I’ve come to discover that catching people doing things well and encouraging them changes cultures more deeply than punitive measures. 

And If I’m really honest, getting recognition for stopping at a red light would improve my driving more than the threat of a red light ticket… 

The Power of Positive Reinforcement Read More »

Love Thy Neighbor

Special Post

*Every year around July 5th (my “Papa’s” birthday) I write him a letter. He passed away in 2005, but he is never far from my mind):

Dear Papa,

We live in interesting times these days. An opinion article in the WSJ recently pointed to one of the differences between our generations and yours: “In 1960, only 5% of Americans had a negative reaction to the idea of marrying somebody from a different political party; now it’s 38%.” 

This statistic encapsulates our current state as a society. Politics is becoming the primary characteristic of our lives, leading to division.

I usually write blog posts about leadership, and I firmly believe that leadership can be taught. This belief stems from a growth mindset rooted in critical thinking. Unfortunately, I often observe that the most fixed-minded among us are those with the strongest political beliefs: Republicans are evil, Democrats are evil, and both are evil. It is no longer “I disagree.” It is, “Those people are evil.” 

Apparently, it is even “you better not marry one of those people.”  

This makes me sad and concerned about where it will lead our country. 

Having said this, I do not long for a return to the 1950s. While some reading this post might long for the good old days, there has been progress that we should be proud of. Our team at Hoffer Plastics is more diverse than ever, which is a blessing. I am co-CEO with my two sisters, which would have been unheard of in the 1950s.  

But I also have to be honest: not everything we call progress is progress. Our culture is both the most individualistic and, by most studies, the most unhappy, perhaps ever. So, we are not only becoming more politically divided, but we are also becoming more sad in the process. 

I am sharing this because you and your generation prioritized three things that are instructive to me in this cultural moment that we are living in: 

Sacrificial Service

We call your generation the greatest generation because of sacrificial service. Later this year, I will once again stand at Omaha Beach and walk every last gravestone at the American cemetery in Normandy. This is the ultimate example of sacrificial service. These soldiers died together regardless of political identity. 

I also know that you embodied this at a personal level. After V-J day, you came home and worked diligently for your family. You set aside your ambition in music to work at your father-in-law’s pharmacy. This was a personal sacrifice. Your sacrificial service helped your family, which eventually led to me. For this, I am thankful. 

Community 

On one hand, our generation tends to prioritize family over everything else. We easily attend more events than your generation did. But at the same time, I fear that our view of family is smaller in scale than it was for your generation. What I mean is that your generation knew your neighbors well, whereas our generation waves as we drive by our neighbors heading to the next Little League game. We are too busy and scheduled to really know them. 

Your generation also tended to live near grandparents and prioritized family gatherings. Our generation tends to use technology like FaceTime and text messaging to stay in touch. On the one hand, I am thankful for how these technologies keep us connected, but I am also sad at how hard it is to make time for extended family. We tend to live lives that are too scheduled for family reunions. So, we are more connected and yet less known. 

This often leads to surface-level relationships. Our distant relatives’ political rants on social media drive us crazy, not to mention the sign of the opposing party that our neighbor puts up. We roll our eyes in disgust as we drive by, but we do not know much about them outside of this sign in their front yard or the rant on social media. So, it is easier to indulge in our anger and judgment because we have failed to prioritize our community and getting to know them.

Getting to know them would open us up to who they are. We might even discover that while they have different political beliefs than we do, they have an interesting perspective. Community regularly leads to growth: It is hard to hate your neighbors when you know them. Conversely, it is easier to be graceful when you know them.  

Unity

Finally, your generation prioritized unity over division. Decades after the fact, I can still remember dinners with some of your friends, many of whom were veterans of World War II. For the life of me, I cannot remember any of their politics. I cannot remember who was for/against Vietnam, who liked Reagan and who did not, nor can I remember political discussion being all that important.  

What I do remember is a lot of laughter, good food, and better memories. In fact, I still get goosebumps when I visit my friend John and go to Evansville Country Club. I can still hear the laughter and feel the memories come back to life. 

My fear is that our generation’s lasting memory won’t be that of unity but of tribe. We are busy bodies with little time for depth. Our surface-level interactions make us easily offended. No wonder some messages are deemed “unsafe.” 

An Invitation 

But what if we got to know each other? What if we spent time getting to know what makes our neighbor tick? Or, what would happen if we got to know why one of the parents at the Little League game wears a political T-shirt of a candidate we disagree with? 

My guess is that we would learn something in the process and become a little less divided.

As I close, let me assure you, and anyone looking in, that I am not a doomsayer. I believe all things can be restored. In fact, I believe that one day Jesus will restore all things! On that day none of these differences will matter whatsoever.

I am also of this generation, and I have to confess that I can fall into my own tribalism when I am at my worst. Simply put, part of my sadness is a recognition that I sometimes bite the apple and believe this “election is the most important election of our country.”

But the news will say the same thing in two years, let alone another four. Their business model relies on us biting this apple. 

What I know is that we would be best off putting others above ourselves, getting to know our community, and prioritizing unity over division.

Like your generation, I still believe our best days are yet to come. But these better days are certainly not guaranteed, nor are they promised. They will only come if we wake up and become people worth following. 

The kind that loves their neighbor like themselves. 

I always miss you, but I miss you a little more during times like these.

To that end, I promise to do my best to love like Jesus loves, and to treat people like I want to be treated.

Love,

Alex

Love Thy Neighbor Read More »

Safety First

Leadership

If your year has gone like mine, it has not been easy. The manufacturing economy is not exactly humming, team members are paying more for everyday goods, and still, everyone is working hard to make things better. 

Nowhere are my expectations higher than around safety. While the goal of business is to provide a product or service that adds value to others, leaders have to ensure that people stay safe in doing so. To that end, I want to share a few thoughts on two kinds of safety in this post.  

Physical Safety 

Physical safety should be blatantly obvious. No one should ever be physically (or emotionally, for that matter) hurt at work. Training helps in both regards. 

I was caught off guard late in the first quarter when a new team member said, “I have never been trained more than at this company.” Please understand that I think that says more about their previous company than ours, but we have emphasized training over the last few years. In other words, we want our people to be safe, and the best way we know how to do this is for them to be prepared. 

A month or so later, one of our work areas had a health emergency. The team members in that area did exactly what they were trained to do. As of this writing, all ended well, and the team member who experienced the emergency is very thankful. 

The hero in the situation above (and they wouldn’t describe themselves as a hero) said, “I was prepared.” 

Dear Lord, help me lead in a way that our people are ALWAYS prepared. 

Psychological Safety 

At the start of the second quarter, I started reading Amy Edmondson’s book The Fearless Organization. Her book explains the need for psychological safety, which she defines on page 17 as “safety (that) pertains to expectations about immediate interpersonal consequences.” 

In short, this kind of safety allows people to speak up in an organization. The book details why people fail to — and you should buy Edmonson’s book to read them all! What stood out was the need to create a culture that listens to everyone. This takes more than reminding people to speak up! She writes on page 82 that “…expectations about speaking up must become institutionalized and systemized for people to speak up.” 

How do we institutionalize this, I wondered? The best answer I came up with was to go to the people, set up small meetings — a mini town hall in a sense — and listen to what they had to say. As co-CEOs, my sisters jumped on that train as well! 

To date, we have done this with a few groups and learned a lot. While this is only the tip of the iceberg — another area we’ve been emphasizing has been in team meetings with our executive team and the willingness to weigh ALL ideas — we are committed to seeing it through. We want to be a company that keeps people physically and emotionally safe and allows them to voice their insights loudly.  

I also need the Lord’s help for this.

Dear Lord, help me be the kind of leader who not only hears people but listens to them. Give me the wisdom to change when necessary and the humility to act. Overall, help me keep people safe! 

Safety First Read More »

What the Oregon Trail Taught Me About Leadership

Leadership

I went to grade school in the 1980s. And if you’re of a certain age, you remember that going to the computer lab was a big deal back then. In fact, one of my favorite things to do when I earned free lab time was to play The Oregon Trail. My buddies and I competed, as only pre-adolescent boys can do, by seeing who could race towards Oregon the fastest. But none of us ever made it close to Oregon’s Willamette Valley. We pushed our digital families to the extreme, usually ending in their in-game demise of some disease like dysentery. 

I shouldn’t be surprised that my own boys (who now play the game on an iPad!) basically do the same thing I did back in the 80s. They push their crews fast, ignore the health warnings, and laugh when their characters give out. After watching this for long enough, I decided to give the game a try as an adult.

The first decision I made was on the crew. I ensured the crew had diverse backgrounds and talents. I read each character’s profiles, ensuring I had people who could fix things, socialize, and even negotiate. Next, I made sure to buy extra medical supplies and food for the journey. After all, I thought, you never know what kinds of obstacles are going to come up on the Oregon Trail! 

As I started the game, I chose “walking” as our pace because I didn’t want to burn anyone out. I also made sure to allow our team to rest whenever the computer gave me the option. I even had the team stop and talk to people on the journey so that my “social health” indicator stayed green. 

About an hour later, with my crew all still healthy and progressing toward Oregon, my son said to me, “You’re good at this game!” 

The Leadership Lesson  

What I learned from this gameplay was three things: 

First, I learned that to do well in the game, you must lead people well. In short, that means you ensure they’re fed, that they have medical supplies, and they can take breaks and rest when they need to. Additionally, you must ensure there’s enough social interaction for everyone to stay engaged and healthy. And in case you miss the implication, this is exactly how you lead people in real life as well! 

Second, understanding the “how to” of leading others is only the first part of it. The most important part is actually doing it. That means helping your team slow down when they get tired, and providing opportunities for social interaction when it’s needed — along with countless other things that you have to observe and act upon. This all takes awareness and a desire to help people. 

Lastly, to do all the above, you have to lead yourself well. It’s often easier to do these things for others than for yourself. But pushing yourself past fatigue, failing to rest, and neglecting to make time for social interaction will negatively impact your health — all things that can make you sick and make you less effective in leading others. 

So how can you apply the above lessons to your leadership as we enter the summer months? Think about these questions:

Do you need to provide your team with opportunities to socialize? 

Do you need to provide your team with opportunities to rest? 

Or do you need to focus on yourself? 

Do you need to socialize? 

Do you need to rest? 

The start of summer is a good time to take this quick assessment so that you can stay on track for the second half of the year. 

What the Oregon Trail Taught Me About Leadership Read More »

Masters of the Air

Special Post

The best television series I have seen in quite some time is Apple TV’s Masters of the Air. This miniseries follows the actions of the 100th Bomb Group during World War II. 

The 100th became known as the “Bloody 100th” because most airmen didn’t survive the war. The losses included 184 missing air crews, 229 planes either lost or salvaged, 757 men killed or missing in action, and another 923 taken as prisoners of war. 

While there are several inspiring moments throughout the miniseries, there is one moment that, to me, captures the heart of Memorial Day. In the last episode, the Allies are closing in on one of the prisoner-of-war camps, and while violence is breaking out inside the camp between the prisoners and their German prison guards, Major John “Bucky” Egan weaves his way through the crowd to the building flying the Nazi flag. Lifted up by his fellow soldiers onto a small roof, Bucky climbs the flagpole. The soldiers cheer wildly, almost to the point where it appears that no one is even acting anymore. Bucky then drops the Nazi flag to the men, who rip it to pieces.

He then hangs the Stars and Stripes. 

Bucky then looks down at the mass of men — black and white soldiers, all together — cheering and sensing that they were on the cusp of what they had longed for all those years of war: peacetime and home. 

Bucky surveys the scene once last time and then puts his forehead on the flagpole, appearing to pray silently. 

What occurred to me watching this episode was that peace only came through immense loss and sacrifice. 

This is something to pause and consider on this Memorial Day. 

A Memorial Day Message 

I’m not one to glamorize war. I’ve read enough history to know we should avoid it at all costs. 

I have also read enough about the World War II generation to know that their sacrifices for humankind are almost incomprehensible. Those who served in the 100th, for example, either did not make it home or were never the same.

Their sacrifices freed the world from the oppression of Nazism. They were a necessary and costly sacrifice. 

When I think of Memorial Day, I always think of the sacrifices that ALL the men and women of our armed forces have made through the years. I think of those who served in places like Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam, and World War II. Regardless of what I might think about the particulars of each conflict, I salute and give thanks to those who have served. 

And this includes all the family members who mourn for those who didn’t come home. They have served our country as well. 

Thank you to these people. 

They are the real heroes and real leaders. 

I pause this blog to reflect on and thank them all.

Masters of the Air Read More »

When You Feel Like Giving Up

Personal Growth

I invested a lot of time and money in my golf game over the winter months. Not satisfied with how last year went, I hired a new teacher late in 2023. Two things made it a sacrifice: He is one of the top teachers in the area and commands a lot of money for that expertise, and he is about a one-hour drive from my house. Both forced me to really commit to the process. 

In February, I traveled to Florida and played in a one-day event — the second time in 2024 I was hitting off real grass. And I’m not going to lie — it was absolutely brutal. I carded the highest score I’ve had in years. Even my handicap app was worried, popping up with the notification, “This is outside the norm of what you typically log. Are you sure you want to proceed?”  

The following day, at 3 a.m., I concluded that I should just “retire” from semi-competitive golf. Forget those few club tournaments I play in; I thought I should just play golf for “fun.” 

Later that morning, I started praying about it because that’s what I do in these situations. I believe that God cares more about the person I am becoming than what I do. So I sought him — and what follows are the lessons I learned.

The Price of Not Playing

First, I came to understand that I’ll one day retire from golf. That is inevitable, period. Bottom line. But doing so today is not free. While competition always exposes what’s going on inside — emotions such as anxiety, stress, and even shame — not playing may bring about something even darker. What might that be? 

Regret. 

Let me say that again. While I don’t need to play golf as part of who I am, if I don’t play it competitively at this point of my life — as a way to help reduce my stress and anxiety — I see this as a cop-out for me. 

And I would regret it later. 

How do I know this? 

I know this because, if I’m really honest, I didn’t play golf in college because I was scared. 

I was afraid to fail publicly. 

I was afraid that I’d never make the Purdue golf team. 

I was afraid that I’d never be the kind of golfer my goals demanded.

I’ve battled this regret for twenty years. And while it might not be the kind of regret that makes me seek professional help, it still lurks in the background.  

As the years have passed, I have come to understand that the battle is where the growth comes. And playing golf — both the actual playing of the game and how it makes me feel — helps me grow. 

Staying in the Battle

So, I am remaining in the battle. 

I’m prepared to struggle, fight, and fail. 

I’m prepared to dance with my inner demons if and when the yips enter my chipping game. 

I’m prepared to wrestle the inner voice that shames me when I three-putt a green. 

I’m prepared to speak truth to the shame that can overcome me when I compare myself to my dad’s incredible golf game. He has never pressured me, so why do I allow that shame a moment in my heart? 

You may not play golf, but there is a battle you are facing. 

Friend, I’m bearing my soul here so you know you are not alone. 

Almost every leader I know has fears and anxiety and has to wrestle with the demon of shame. And let’s be clear that it is a demon! 

I encourage you to find your identity in the truth. My North Star is now, and forever, Jesus, and there is no shame with him. 

So, I am going to soldier on. 

I am going to show up. 

And when I fail — when I am tempted to give up and cannot sleep — I will remember that this is where the growth happens. 

And one day, I will succeed because of this growth. 

Until I do…

And until you do…

Let’s keep going. 

When You Feel Like Giving Up Read More »

The Upside of Not Sleeping

Personal Growth

Despite my best efforts to sleep more this year, I have struggled. Some of you reached out after I posted about sleep in February, so I want to encourage you: If you are struggling to sleep this year, know that you are not alone. 

I am struggling, too. 

The next time you are lying awake at 3 a.m. I encourage you to ask what not sleeping makes possible. While there are many answers, I will propose three areas to check in on as a leader. This list is not exhaustive. These three things have challenged me lately, and I am including them in this blog. 

Start With Your Focus on Self 

One night, when I could not sleep, I realized that I can sometimes be self-centered. Like tartar finding its way to my teeth, this can sneak up on me. And despite my best efforts to brush it off, I can’t fix it by myself — if I even try, it only makes me more self-focused. So, I enlist the help of my dentist to help me get rid of the plaque and bacteria trying to make their home in my mouth.

Similarly, I sometimes notice little sins, slights, and indiscretions sneak up on my soul. And when I notice this, I use those sleepless nights to build my trust in Jesus. I know this may not be where you turn, but turning toward Jesus allows me to remember who I belong to and whose care I am in. 

Continue to Examine Your Self-Worth 

On another occasion, I was lying in bed, questioning my self-worth. I’m no good at anything, I thought. To be fair, the day before, I’d played in a semi-competitive golf tournament and had failed miserably, shooting my worst score in three years.

Isn’t it amazing how failures can keep you up at 3 a.m.? 

The next day, I was reading Dallas Willard’s A Life Without Lack and something he said really resonated with me. To paraphrase it here, Willard claimed he never met someone who thought too highly of themselves because, if Jesus really died for us, how could we possibly think as highly about ourselves as Jesus did? 

This blew my mind. After all, I was (just the night before) thinking about how much of a loser I was at golf. I was frustrated, discouraged, and on the brink of giving up. 

I wish I could say I never think about myself this way in other areas of my life, but that isn’t true. And leaders need to remember that negative self-worth beliefs are like weeds: Give them an inch, and they’ll take over your entire yard! 

In my mind, a life without lack is one where my first thoughts aren’t about my ability but about God and what He thinks of me. It is necessary work — and it is work filling my mind with what He says about me. These aren’t made up sayings. They are truths scribed into the Bible that have stood the test of time. 

The Bible never promised me I’d be a scratch golfer. But it contains promises so profound and true that they can help me avoid scratching myself in the process of that, or any, pursuit. 

These promises apply to you as well. 

No amount of self-flogging will turn you into a better leader or person. 

So, like me, knock it off. 

Finish With Prayer and Thanksgiving 

The final thing I have come to do in the middle of the night is the most profound. Instead of sulking about yesterday’s failures, I turn my thoughts to everything I am thankful for. 

Admittedly, this is the last thing you will probably feel like doing in the middle of the night. But your resistance to it might be a good indicator that it is precisely what you should pursue. 

When I don’t feel like giving thanks, I play a corny game in my head that I call “Thank you therapy.” All this entails is listing the first ten things that come to mind that I’m thankful for. After I reach ten, I stop, breathe, and check in to see if I feel different. And if I don’t, I do ten more. 

Whether you realize it or not, thank you therapy helps you stop obsessing about yourself, the things that happened yesterday, and whatever tomorrow brings. It reorients your focus from victimhood to gratitude. 

Finally, I also pray for people in the middle of the night. This is especially true when I have friends (and readers of this blog!) traveling to places like Dubai. I pray the prayer requests these people sent me while I cannot sleep because the time difference means they are up and moving wherever they are! 

A Concluding Thought 

Not sleeping is frustrating and never ideal. But you can get real with yourself in the middle of the night. It’s a time to remember who you are and what you’re grateful for. 

The Upside of Not Sleeping Read More »

What Do You See?

Leadership

As I sat overlooking the Pacific Ocean on a beautiful early January morning, I asked myself that very question. I watched the waves and began to ponder life, leadership, and family. What follows are questions I jotted down that morning:

What do you see? Do you see the blue water, or do you see the vast mountains on the horizon beyond the water? Both are beautiful, but the latter is only noticeable when you are focused and present. 

Are you focused and present? Not just in this moment, but at the dinner table after a grueling Monday? 

Do you see the grumpy person in front of you at the grocery checkout line, or do you see someone who just needs some encouragement and affirmation?

Do you see only the limitations of those around you at work, or do you see their potential? 

Do you only see their few mistakes, or do you their vast goodness? 

Do you see another day filled with meetings and tasks, or do you see another day filled with opportunities to do things with and through other people? 

Do you see your own past? All your failures, limitations, and most embarrassing moments. Or do you see lessons, possibilities, and future moments of redemption? 

Do you see Jesus or at least the goodness of people who are passionately following Him? Or do you just see all the things that annoy you about Christians, the church, and religion in general? 

(This last one might be more for me, but let it guide your deepest human relationships as well).

And finally, do you see your wife and all the sacrifices she is making to homeschool your kids? Do you let her know how much you appreciate and love her? 

And now I’m off to remind Sarah how much I appreciate and love her because I DO see it!

In the meantime, I challenge you to ask yourself what you see — and learn from the answers.

What Do You See? Read More »