With two boys playing on four baseball teams this spring, I decided to take the year off from coaching. I thought it would give me the opportunity to drive the boys to their practices and games and help Sarah manage the chaotic schedule. While I suspected I would miss certain aspects of coaching, I also thought that I would not miss the chaos of leaving work early to get to games and practices.
Early in the season, I discovered that I was not going to simply spectate. Given my interest in leadership, I soon realized that I had a literal front-row seat to how four different volunteer coaches went about coaching their players.
Here is what I learned:
Positive affirmation enhances confidence and performance
Both boys had coaches who are more positive than just about any coach I know. Will’s in-house coach has positive nicknames for his kids. For example, Will’s nickname is “stud.” “Hey stud,” he will cheer, “you got this.” Then I see my son’s shoulders lift a little higher, and unsurprisingly, so does his play.
Meanwhile, one of Ben’s coaches similarly talks about the kids using the positive tense. “You are going to get a hit here,” he says with a huge smile. One kid, for example, looked so lost during the first part of the season that I did not think he had a chance. And then you know what happened? One Monday night in early May, he got an RBI base hit! We all clapped and cheered, but no one cheered louder than the coach.
This has challenged me to use positive affirmations much more than I currently do. I want to be like both of these leaders. I keep asking myself, what positives do I see when I walk around our facility? And more importantly, am I sharing those with the people making those positive things happen?
Are you doing the same where you work?
The leader sets the tone of the team.
One of the boys’ all-star teams struggled this year. The coaches on that team, all volunteers, were trying their best. They were very competitive, just like I am at the workplace. As the season progressed, the team become tight, afraid to make mistakes, and their play suffered. Their pitchers were “aiming” the ball instead of throwing it, and the batters were gripping the bat a little tighter with two strikes. It was a rough patch that all baseball teams go through.
In the midst of it, things took another turn on a Friday morning via the team’s chat message board. One of the assistants posted that he wanted to teach the boys how to throw curve balls at that evening’s practice. He meant well, and I honestly believe he just wanted to teach them a new skill that could help them. But chaos ensued. Every parent voiced their discomfort teaching twelve-year-olds how to throw curve balls. While I agreed that this was a bad idea, I did not want to pile on.
Then the head coach spoke up:
“On this team, we will not throw curve balls.”
He then did something brilliant by sharing a Word document with the exact practice plans for the night.
I discovered that despite a leader’s best efforts, there will be times when they are not aligned with their team. When that happens, it is important to set the tone and be transparent. Our coach’s leadership reminded me that I need to make sure I give crystal clear direction to our team and be as transparent as possible.
What message do you need to share with your team?
Celebrate the wins
Finally, one of Ben’s coaches made a rule during April that he would take the kids to Dairy Queen after every third win. In all my years of coaching Little League, I have never seen more focus or hunger (literally and figuratively) than this team when they were on the verge of getting that third win.
As of this writing, they are 10-3 on the season. In fact, the other night was another Dairy Queen Monday night. While I took two of my three kids home after the game (we did Dairy Queen pre-game to accommodate my daughter’s bedtime!), Sarah went with Ben to DQ. When she came home, she told me what had happened:
“Mark (the Head Coach) was like one of the kids. As the kids convinced their parents to honk their car horns as they passed, Mark just laughed and laughed.”
I have so much to learn from Mark. As a Type-A leader I should probably start by taking our team to DQ and having fun.
I also have to celebrate the wins when they come because leadership is hard.
And you know what?
So should you.
Coming home
I will end this post unconventionally. As a dad in the thick of little league busyness, I often hear older parents advise that I will miss all this. At the risk of sounding awful, I do not think I will miss about 49% of it. I won’t miss parents arguing with umpires, I won’t miss always feeling like I am in a hurry to leave Hoffer Plastics and make the game on time — leaving me with a guilty feeling on both ends — and I certainly won’t miss the little league coaches that take it all way too seriously.
But there is 51% that I am going to miss. I am going to miss my son Ben fist pumping, as he did 45 minutes ago when I told him Will’s team needed him to play up tonight; I am going to miss coaches like the ones I mentioned above. And more than anything else, I am going to miss having a game of catch with my boys on an early summer night—so much so that I had to pause my writing before continuing writing this post…
I actually had one of those moments last night. Will was pitching on the mound, Ben and I played catch on the side while watching his game, and Sarah and Sadie were in the stands.
My little league dreams might not have come true, but my Field of Dreams did. And thanks be to God and his goodness, I hit the home run I dreamt of as a little boy.
“Dad, can we have a catch?”
“I would like that Ben.”