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On January 1 of this year our father moved into a new role as Chairman of the Board. This meant that he had to pick one of his three kids to run the business. Except that is not how it went down. Instead, the three of us spent the last few years growing our work relationships and determining how WE were going to run the business together. As unconventional as this sounds, it was brilliant in hindsight because it forced the three of us to learn how to relate to one another in the most difficult of subject matters: who is going to run the business?

We came up with an unconventional model of shared leadership. One sister would be Chief Financial Officer, one Chief Cultural Officer, and I would be Chief Revenue Officer. We then named 10 other people chiefs and Vice Presidents – of course I am kidding but we got really tired of the title game. In fact, after several meetings we decided that the only thing that really mattered was running the business well without jeopardizing our relationships.

Remember how I said above that talking about succession was the “most difficult of subject matters?” I was SO WRONG.

COVID-19 had the audacity to come to town less than 90 days into our new structure. It did not RSVP. Nor, did it send an “outlook” calendar invite to ZOOM. It just showed up unannounced. When crisis hits, we were previously asked when planning our new structure, who would make the decisions if you don’t have a President? The rest of this post shares how we are navigating this reality. I would be remiss not to say that I am writing this on April 8, 2020. In other words, we are closer to the beginning of the challenge than we are to the end.

One last note to leaders in more “traditional” workplace hierarchies: Everything I share below is applicable to leadership because leaders are those worth following. They are not dictators. People want to follow those that are humble and willing to change.

Without further ado, here are 4 key things my sisters and I are doing to work through this crisis:

1. We listen. Listening is hearing the entirety of the other person’s point of view. It is openness to changing your perspective because of it. For example, I wrote a memo last week to the company that both my sisters thought needed some editing. My intention in the memo was to lead boldly. They both said the wording was too bold however. My choices were to insist on “my way,” or listen to their counsel. Reading what I wrote I could see their point. While I was attempting to be candid and honest, I was sharing too much. By softening the tone of the letter, it was received with positive feedback from the organization.
2. We communicate in person or ZOOM daily. In times of crisis people are obviously very stressed. Higher stress should equal more frequent in-person meetings to ensure everyone is on the same page. Being able to see and hear the person simultaneously protects one from misinterpreting tone. My sisters and I have used this time to ensure relational harmony and make decisions together. To date we have yet to get to the point where one of them has me in a headlock and the other is tickling me like they did in 1980 something…
3. We assume the best in each other. High stress also equals higher chances to say something that ticks someone off. Remember that time your sister or brother said something during the holidays that made you sneak sip some beverage of choice? COVID-19 is WAY MORE STRESSFUL than the holidays! So, considering my sisters and I work together, we are assuming the best and apologizing if we must.
4. We are attempting to laugh and have fun when we can. Laughter is a healthy coping mechanism for stress. Let’s face it, there is not much to laugh at these days. So, attempting to laugh can mean entertaining the silly in the pursuit of a momentary diversion from the crisis. Some examples include MEMES about Joe Exotic and YouTube videos about ZOOM, etc.

I would imagine that 99% of readers do not work with siblings. That said, these ideas: listening, communicating daily, assuming the best in one another, and laughing together, can be applied to ANY Executive team.

They also can apply to your next holiday gathering.

One of my concerns as a father is how much our children tie performance to the love Sarah and I have for them. For instance, do we still love them when they strike out in little league? Or do we love them when their teacher points out a flaw in their school work? Of course the answer is a resounding YES, but do they understand and accept this?

The boys are currently eight and six respectively, so part of our almost-nightly winter routine is a fun game of floor hockey in our unfinished basement (in the summer it is whiffle ball outside!). In our games I have observed both boys seeking my approval when they make a good play. I have also noticed them sulking when they miss out on a play. They are competitive and work hard to beat me, but I don’t let them win —although I do let the six year old have some “freebies” when he needs some encouragement. My goal has been to drive home the reality than in sports and life you win and lose.

Because of this, winning has become a big deal to them when it happens. It has also come at a cost. For neither of them naturally handle losing well —yet. While this may be somewhat of a good thing —it produces a competitive spirit in them to get better and improve —it also is something that, as their dad, I need to help them learn to do well because life involves losing. In fact, as I have come to learn myself the hard way, basing one’s worth on performance is foolhardy because the moments of triumph are much less frequent than the moments of losing.

This is obviously hard for young kids to understand. If I am honest, it can also be hard for me to understand.

The combination of the boys looking for my approval when making good plays, and them sulking when losing, led me to create some controllable performance metrics to ingrain in them. I told them that these three things (I did not call them metrics!) were what matter to me. I share here because I think they are worth our — grown up business leaders — consideration. They are:

Safety

Effort

Fun

I explained to the boys that every sport they play needs to involve safety. Thinking from an organizational leadership perspective, I started here because safety has to be present for people to thrive. This is true in T-ball and what we do at Hoffer Plastics. Safety is paramount, and I want this to take root in them.

Effort comes next because it is the only controllable aspect of performance. Results are always a lagging measure. My belief is that they often do come when effort is there. Of course, they might not come on our preferred timeline (see my golf game), but they often do come.

I am driving the idea of effort into our boys because their default is to view my love in a positive outcome rather than in the effort. To drive this home, I have asked them if I would be mad if they struck out 3 times during a baseball game this spring, to which they both said “no,” as long as they were trying their best. Conversely, would I be upset if they got a big hit and didn’t run their hardest to first base? ”No,” our oldest chimed in. I then corrected this assumption to drive in the point that effort means running hard all the time. I could tell that this was surprising to him because he wants the big hit —don’t we all? Yet, this is the key distinction: effort > outcome.

Finally, life is short, and we need to make the best of it by having fun. This is true both in little league AND business. Yes, business! Fun involves having a positive attitude, being a good sport, and encouraging others. I also believe it comes in sequential order: Safety, Effort, and then fun because how can things be fun when we are not safe and/or trying our best? Fun also means laughing at our mistakes and picking others up when they make theirs. And in the context of youth sports, it means that if it is not fun, our family is not participating (Note to parents, I am driving this home to our kids because there is so much more to life than youth sports. I don’t care that “everyone else” is doing it. We are having fun, or not playing. Period).

I share these —safe, effort, and fun— because they are useful reminders to us leaders. For in order to be someone worth following we need to create environments where effort is the primary currency, and fun is a natural outcome of hard work cultivated in a safe working environment.

I recently heard Jerry Hurley say that at his organization trust is given, but it can be lost. This is 180 degrees reverse of the usual platitude that “trust is earned, never given.”

From an organizational health perspective, this is a game-changer. If trust is given, the potential implications can be staggering:

– The tone of every email is read differently

– The person leaving early, or arriving late, is assumed to have a really good reason for doing so

– The new policy that sounds vindictive was not intended to be

And on and on…

We live in a grudge-oriented world, where heart disease is once again on the rise, and the overall health of Americans is in decline.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt won’t fix these problems. But, why not assume the best until assuming the best no longer makes sense?

As far as trust goes, it is not earned.

Trust is rather a gift one gives to another, who in turn gives it back to the other person. It is a mutual covenant built on reciprocity, assurance, and predictability. Reliability is what is earned. But it starts with the gift.

Let’s extend that gift to our team-members.

Check out my YouTube channel for a daily, Christ-centered, check-in that offer #leadership insight, #encouragement for the day, and a reason for #hope. Or, just check out today’s video here.