I’m not giving any commencement speeches this year — but if I were, here’s what I’d say.
Dear Class of 2025,
There are moments in life that you always remember despite the passage of time. While it has been a quarter of a century since I graduated from high school, I remember much about that day.
Similarly, in the decades to come, you will remember much about today and the coming weeks. Soak in these moments because they will pass. And although having fun is essential now and in the future, it’s important to embrace the people in your life who might not be around 25 years from now. The only thing I would do over from my commencement 25 years ago would be to linger a little longer with my grandparents rather than heading to one last graduation party.
The other perspective I have to offer you today comes from the following three points:
Choose Gratitude
I graduated from high school before social media — before everyone had smartphones and constant access to news and information. And while I fully embrace technological advancements, I have also come to appreciate how disruptive they can be to one’s psyche.
But I am not going to be another voice sounding the alarm on these things, nor am I going to pontificate about how great the past was — as if my grandmothers wouldn’t have loved to be able to order groceries on their phones!
Instead, I’ll point out that, despite our technological advances (and the promises about how much better our lives will be with them), we are generally more stressed out than before their invention.
With this in mind, I urge you to choose gratitude.
And gratitude certainly is a choice. Think of it like getting dressed. You can put on the “clothes” of criticism, bitterness, and selfishness. You can involve yourself in every political controversy, and let every little aspect of life drive you nuts. You can even blame all the problems on the other side, the other team, or that weirdo in your biology class.
Or you can wear different clothes altogether — the clothes of gratitude. In this outfit, you see the world as it is, but you find what is good, even when the only thing good is that the sun still comes up every morning.
Gratitude doesn’t deny that life is hard.
Gratitude doesn’t deny that there are things fundamentally wrong with humanity and the way we treat each other.
Instead, gratitude is a conscious decision to find the good despite all the things that are wrong.
You hold the power to choose what you see. Choose to see the good. Choose gratitude.
Define Success, and Hold That Definition Loosely
What does success mean? When I graduated, I only had vague ideas of success — a college degree, a job, a wife, or a certain quality of life?
Don’t get me wrong. My dreams included countless pursuits — including being an ESPN sports broadcaster! But I didn’t have real clarity on what success looked like. So I went through my twenties with a constant feeling that I wasn’t living up to the extremely vague and unclear version of success that only existed in my mind.
I would have been better off had I done what I am recommending you to do: spend a little time this summer thinking and writing on the following prompts:
- If you had to boil down what success would look like for you at age 25, what would it be?
- What about later in life, like in your 40s or 50s? I know this seems like forever from now, but it will be here before you know it.
- What are the things that matter to you: family, wealth, relationships? What are the things worth sacrificing for?
- And finally, what are the most important relationships to you? Who are the people that you should forgive at almost every cost to ensure relational longevity?
I have discovered that peaceful relationships are worth more than vast wealth.
Just something to consider as you think about your definition of success.
Belief Drives Behavior
Another lesson I have discovered the hard way is that belief drives behavior. Not only does my executive coach remind me of this, but I often live it out. If you believe you’ll be successful only by gaining a certain level of wealth, guess how you will behave? You will either work exceedingly hard to make money or feel like a failure when you don’t. Be clear on what makes you a success.
And then hold that definition loosely.
I imagine you see things differently than when you started high school. After all, learning isn’t about information as much as it is about personal transformation. As you experience life in the coming decades, your views will continue to change — which means that your opinions on what it means to be successful will also change. Mine definitely have. Treat this process as a work-in-progress rather than a plan written in stone.
Feel the ground you are standing on.
Be Present Today
This all leads me to my last point, which is being present today.
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it “the present.” This quote, largely attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, finds its way into many commencement addresses. To some, it may produce an eye roll given how cheesy it feels.
But you’ll grow to realize its wisdom. Life tempts you to either look back or forward. But looking behind or in front of you forces you to miss today. And missing today is the absolute worst thing you can do in your life because you cannot order more days on Prime — and like your favorite show on Netflix, this “season” will be over before you know it.
Don’t believe me? I wouldn’t have either when I was 18, so I don’t blame you. But I will challenge you: Talk to someone in their 90s and ask them how fast it went. Their answer will speak volumes.
At the risk of being judged on my movie tastes, I must tell you that About Time is one of the most underrated movies I know. I urge you to watch it for yourself: it’s a story about a father (and his son) who can travel in time. It follows the life lessons they both learn, particularly about what matters most. And in the end, the son, Tim, shares the most important lesson he learned. He says:
“The truth is I now don’t travel back (in time) at all, not even for the day. I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it — as if it were the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.”
Congratulations, graduates! And may God bless every single day of your extraordinary, ordinary life.