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I chuckle when I ask others if they would like to work with their siblings because I usually get a sarcastic response in return. “We would kill each other,” I often hear. My sisters and I have chosen to do exactly this, and we haven’t killed each other yet! All kidding aside, this has made us all better leaders. While I could – and maybe someday will – write a book on this topic, what follows are three lessons that I have learned working with my sisters, lessons I believe that are helpful for all leaders.

The overarching lesson I have learned can be summed up this way: when in doubt, talk it out. There is nothing worse relationally than “assuming.” Assumptions can often lead one to think the other person has motives that, in reality, they do not. The closer the relationship, the more this is so as we often mistake proximity for knowledge. Thus, my sisters and I have made it a point to intentionally get together and talk through issues (NOT just when they come up). We have a quarterly meeting on the calendar, and another meeting set for every other week throughout the year. We do this so that we have a rhythm of meeting in our schedule. Otherwise, our natural tendency is to avoid difficult subject matters. A rhythm of meetings ensures that we have space to talk about everything. This takes a lot of intentionality, but it is what has helped us grow our relationships to where they are now.

The next lesson is to talk directly with each other, rather than processing an issue with another family member. We have come to call this “triangularization.” In other words, if I have an issue with one sister, I shouldn’t go process the issue with the other sister (creating a “triangle” and putting the other sibling in-between). Rather, I should go talk directly with the sister I have the issue with. The implications for leadership with this one are rather easy to see. For, a leader should never process an issue they have with someone they lead with another person on the same team. It is always best to talk directly with the person you have the issue with.

Finally, working with my sisters has taught me to give others the benefit of the doubt. The three of us made a covenant that we would “assume the best” in each other, and that we would give each other extra servings of grace. It is inevitable that when talking about key business initiatives, like succession planning, that we will say things that we wish, in retrospect, had come out a little different. But by living this virtue, I can record that we have never had a MAJOR relational conflict because we have given each other the benefit of the doubt. We even went on a Disney Cruise with our spouses and kids over Spring Break, something some non-working siblings even cringe at! The point is that we have given each other grace — work is important but life is more than work – and that has allowed our sibling, and business, relationships to grow the past decade.

To be 100% clear, I do not claim my sisters and I have a perfect working relationship –whatever that is–, or that we have figured it all out. We have not. If anything, we are at where we are at because of a TON of prayer, a TON of intentionality, and a TON of humility. I am proud that we have each laid our egos down, the best we can, and have found a way to work and lead together. This will continue to be a daily occurrence for us to succeed for the, hopefully, decades to come.

Business is hard, whether you work with siblings or not. These three principles will help you create more relational peace in the midst of the expected, even inevitable, business challenges.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you have a child that is getting 2 A’s and 1 B and one C on their latest school report card. Which class would you have them focus on? This question has sort of become akin to the “are you a glass half empty or glass half full” question as it reveals a mindset that could make a significant difference between mediocre and excellent performance. At least that is what Marcus Buckingham has convinced me of after seeing him speak multiple times, and after finishing his latest book, which I now recommend, entitled, Nine Lies About Work.

Buckingham has become known as the “strengths” guy, and so he challenges parents to focus on the 2 A’s in the scenario above because this is where the child’s apparent strength lies. This assertion is one that, admittedly, I meet with clenched teeth because a “C” often feels unacceptable, especially if it is given because of a lack of effort. But Buckingham isn’t talking about effort; he’s talking about legitimate strengths and weaknesses. In other words, he is talking about trying your best and still getting a C vs. trying your best and getting an A.

I recently had experience with a change of mindset thanks to my golf coach John Esposito. I sought his teaching after having a miserable go with my wedge game in 2018. It had turned from mediocre, to downright lousy, and I had become a headcase in the process. Espo, as his players call him, advised me that I had three strengths with regards to my wedge game. My grip was perfect, my back swing modeled a tour pro (his words not mine), and I was talented enough to make this shot repeatedly. Next, Espo changed a few things with my stance and follow through, but then challenged me to simply use my eyes and imagine where I wanted the ball to land. In other words, he was telling me to stop focusing on my weaknesses (the results of the shot, whether I would hit it fat or thin, or fearing all the above), and focus rather on softly putting the ball where I wanted it. All this while believing I could because of the strengths Espo had outlined in his analysis of my game. While it is early in the season, and not every wedge shot I hit is perfect, the results are beginning to speak for themselves.

This experience, coupled with Buckingham’s research on strengths, has challenged my leadership. Why is it that I often want to work on people’s weaknesses, rather than work with their strengths? As I have learned in my golf game, a subtle refocus on what one does well can pay dividends in their performance. It is the leader’s job, therefore, to not only find the strengths in others, but voice affirmation behind them. We need to encourage followers to double-down on what they do well, trusting that our bench is deep enough with people of different strengths to fill in for any gaps or weaknesses. Unlike golf, business is a team game, and multiple people can hit different kinds of “shots.” Our job then is to build people up so that they can be as good as possible with their “shot” of specialty.

So let’s reconsider our mindset and focus on building people’s strengths, and not trying to correct their weaknesses.

Four years ago, our family moved into a newly constructed home that was built on an old farm property. In the early fall that year, we contracted someone to plant grass seed. As the spring approached, we waited in anticipation for our beautiful green grass to sprout, and some of it did. But more frequently, what rose out of the earth was quack grass. It turns out that quack grass doesn’t need fertilizer or water to grow. In fact, had we been okay with its presence, we could have allowed it to take over our yard at a much-reduced cost than conventional grass. It turns out that the best grass doesn’t naturally rise to the top of the soil.

I often hear leaders say that the best ideas rise to the top of their organizations and of course they think that. But how true is this in reality? While I cannot speak for other organizations, I am always concerned at Hoffer Plastics about whose ideas are not being heard because I have discovered that like Kentucky blue grass, these ideas are not going to naturally sprout to the top of the organization. Rather, we have to be intentional so that we do not miss them. To that end, here are three actions to keep in mind.

First, leaders need to over-communicate their willingness to hear new ideas. Hearing ideas means that the leader not only listens to the idea, but also considers its merit. If no action is ever taken on ideas coming from lower levels of the organization, don’t expect a lot of input! Earlier this year, for example, a few of our team members voiced concern about a perceived lack of training with regards to workplace violence. The tragedy in Aurora, Illinois, soon followed, and so did our Executive Team’s decision to engage our local fire and police departments to setup two Saturday training events in April and May, which we most likely would not have prioritized had our team members on the production floor not voiced their opinion. Their idea that we needed training was spot on.

Next, leaders need to be willing to listen to great ideas from anyone. What am I about to write may be a little controversial, but my experience indicates that it is true: Some team members have lost influence with their peers due to their personal behavior. Therefore, when they have a “good idea” it doesn’t go very far because people are not listening to them anymore. These people are most likely good at what they do –some are even great which can also be a hindrance to peers listening. Still, leaders need to create rhythms – one-on-one check-ins along with other communications –so that they ensure they are hearing from these people. Good ideas won’t naturally rise to the top, and good ideas can come from just about everywhere, so leaders need to be canvasing for them.

Finally, leaders need to filter those that have 20 good ideas before the first morning meeting. This has been an area of weakness for me in the past because I find new ideas, and the people that come up with them, energizing. I would much rather surround myself with these kinds of people than the “just so you know [all the bad stuff] that is happening around here” kind. (My comeback to this now is “and what are you doing about it?”) Still, the organization cannot go in multiple directions at once –another weakness we are personally resolving –with team members no longer having the mental stamina to focus on multiple initiatives. To this end, leaders need to carefully reign in idea creators, without putting a muzzle on them, and filter what makes sense given the direction the company is going. You simply cannot do everything, even if the ideas are “good.”

While the list above is not meant to be exhaustive, it will help leaders ensure that more of the good ideas rise to the top. And more importantly, these actions will help some of the good ideas to take root and sprout.

This post was written in real-time on site at the Entreleadership Summit (April 28 – May 1, 2019). The purpose of the post is to share how beneficial Summit was, share interesting nuggets of wisdom, and what my takeaways were from the experience.

April 28, 2019

I have arrived in San Diego, checked-in, worked out, and am about to depart for the opening reception. My goals this week are the following:

1. Grow my relationship with my sisters.

2. Connect with my sisters on pertinent succession related topics at HP.

3. John Felkins (my Executive Coach) would say “have fun.” Yes, have fun!

4. Strategy: I want to take away a strategy related nugget that I can apply to our upcoming commercial strategy sessions. My guess is this may come from Dave Ramsey, Dr. Henry Cloud, or Chris Hogan.

5. Corporate Culture – I also want to take away a culture related nugget to apply at HP. We have some awesome new team members on our team, and I want to continue leading in more positive energy. I know my sisters are on the same page here, yet we can always use another nugget or piece of advice.

April 29, 2019

5:10 p.m.

Day one is a wrap. Whew. My first inclination is to write that none of this is rocket-science, but it is all doing-science. Leadership is the art of doing something, or moving from here to there. Most of what was talked about today is to a level common sense, but it is talked about because it is not common doing. Leaders act.

To this end, Patrick Lencioni challenged me about addressing behavior problems within the organization. The leader doesn’t have time not to address these issues, and these are exactly the kind of issues that we (or I) don’t feel like I have time to address. But it is MY JOB to. Period.

Dr. Henry Cloud defined accountability as “answering to a trust,” with emphasis on a “future state” and getting to that desired outcome. My accountability partner John, for instance, hears my “accounting” of how I am living because he and I are committed to each other becoming more Christ-like. So, I am answering to a “trust” and not a “boss” because John is invested in my getting to that desired state. I share because I found this distinction helpful and believe focusing on the “desired future state” is helpful.

Overall, I end the first day encouraged to lead more passionately, positively, and intentionally. I felt 90% of the day was wrapped in culture pieces and found the “break time” discussions with my sisters on these pieces very beneficial. I’ll close with two reminders (and personal applications for me) from Carey Lohrenz, the first female F-14 Tomcat Pilot: “Leaders need to show up, put a smile on their face, and no chip on their shoulder. Everyone is watching.” And,”a negative attitude kills your ability to adapt.”

April 30, 2019

9:25 p.m.

Trying to capture all that happened on day 2 at this time of night is foolhardy. But as Dave has so unapologetically reminded us the last two days, leadership without courage is not leadership. So here goes…

Simon Sinek smacked me square across the forehead with his talk on the “Infinite Game” when he reminded us that the goal is to “stay in the game and become the best version of yourself.” That might not be the exact quote –Simon talks fast –but the gist of it struck me. My sisters and I are in the midst of succession planning and staying in the game is our mission. Period. We don’t stress about “beating the competition” (that’s playing the “finite” and not the “infinite” game). Rather, we desire Hoffer Plastics to become the best version of itself. And we want to be a company that lasts.

Chris Hogan reminded us that our team is the family that some of our team members have never had. Meanwhile, Marcus Buckingham convinced us that believing people have potential is a lie because it infers that others don’t (he also talked about 8 other powerful lies, including how awful we are at rating others, which is a blog post for later!). Finally, Ken Coleman talked about “The Power of Proximity.” As powerful as that talk was, he closed it challenging leaders to rest from inputs. Without rest, he said, our capacity to serve others gets diminished.

This brings me to my Executive Coach, John Felkins. He really challenged me on this end last January. Since then, I have followed a 24-hour weekend sabbath that has positively impacted me in ways that I cannot fully describe here. While his challenge was not prescriptive, and while I was only following God’s prescription, his challenge to rest played a role in me getting to where I am at today. Thank you, John.

May 1, 2019

4:09 p.m.

The closing session just wrapped up 12 minutes ago. Today featured more Dave Ramsey, Peyton (freaking!) Manning, Jesse Itzler (dude makes me want to run through a wall), and Sara Blakely (whose sweet smile hides a tenacity that is second to none). “I wasn’t going to let my success be determined by the work of others,” Sara said. She then told the story of how for 21 days she sold Spanx up and down the coastline of California, all after she had Neiman Marcus as an account.

That’s right, there are no accidental billionaires.

This post has gone on long enough, so here are my biggest takeaways from this week:

1. I need to lead boldly and passionately.

2. I need to ruthlessly PROTECT the Hoffer Plastics’ culture. And when issues arise – and they will always arise – I have to deal with them.

3. I need to REPEATEDLY tell everyone where we are going and why we are going there.

There are countless takeaways (and actions) from the last three days that fit into these areas.

My concluding thoughts are these:

This year has been hard. While we have a lot of success right now, there is also a lot of change. And frankly speaking, there is a lot more change that needs to happen. I can’t look to the left or right anymore. That ship sailed a few years ago. And while I am proud of where we have come already, we have a long road still to travel. None of this is going to be easy. I hear the doubters, the complainers, and the critics. Louder than them all is the self-critic inside my soul that I have to continue to get past.

RISE UP, Dave says, and he’s right.

Despite all this, maybe because of all this, I leave this conference surer of one thing:

I WANT TO DO THIS.

I want to lead, with my sisters, Hoffer Plastics. I don’t want to quit, sell, or cave in.

I don’t want to move.

I hear people advising all that. Look, I get it. Our state has a LOT of challenges. Seriously, it does. Its being run by people making some very questionable decisions and people advise that we should be running our business in other “more friendly states.”

Plastics are also under attack… maybe we should sell?

NO.

We might fail, but I want to do this.

So do my sisters!

We want to keep serving our customers. In fact, this conference challenged me to do it more uniquely in the future.

We want to keep serving our TEAM. I am still chewing on what Chris Hogan said yesterday – we are family to some of them.

We want to keep serving our community – in this town and even this state!

I want to spend my life using whatever leadership gifts I have in making a BETTER corporate culture.

NO, it isn’t going to get easy. And NO, it won’t ever be perfect.

But this is a manifesto that I want to STAY IN THE GAME AND WORK ON GETTING BETTER.

RISE UP?

LET’S GO.