Special Post

Read the first part of my letter to Grandpa here.

Dear Grandpa,

It’s me again. And you’ve still been on my mind. I’ll tell you, there have been some tough moments in the last two years. I suppose some of those moments will be present every year, pandemic or not. But, the difference in the previous two years is how the challenges have invaded all walks of life. There have been divisions even in places where unity should be ingrained — like the local church. It is almost as if people are looking for something to meet all of their needs. And when it isn’t there, they leave or stop persisting. 

I have grumbled, struggled, and gritted my teeth. But I have persisted. There have been many others who have too, so I am not special. You would be proud of how people have shown up at the company you started. Some of those people worked alongside you, while others have no idea who you were. But your influence is still palpable in the building, as is the influence of others who have since moved on. It’s true: there is a part of us in every piece. 

Persistence is something that your WWII generation knew a lot about; you had to persist to survive. Ironically, after decades of abundance, comfort, and relative safety, it is something that I’m finding now has to be cultivated. This lesson is not lost on me — over the last year, I’ve found myself reading books on your generation, so I’m reminded that what I am being asked to do is minimal in view of history. As we say these days, our problems are of the first-world variety. This perspective is needed to persist. And I will persist. 

“I want my life to be about impacting others, helping them succeed, and hopefully forming lifelong relationships.” 

I keep a small vial of sand from Omaha Beach in Normandy on my desk. While you did not serve in Europe, I keep it here to remind me that sacrifice is necessary to preserve peace. What we are doing at Hoffer Plastics is on a much different scale, but I recognize that it is similarly important in impacting the lives of those it touches. To this end, I want my life to be about impacting others, helping them succeed, and hopefully forming lifelong relationships. This is the intersection of meaning and fun. It is the focus I need to keep showing up and persisting. 

It is also one of the things that I think about when I drive by your old house on Wing Park Boulevard. Bigger and better are not always bigger and better. More is sometimes less. Focus allows me to grasp the things that matter and let go of the vain pursuits of yesteryear. 

And when the day is over, I go home, walk into my house, and see my wife. And as corny as this sounds, I often think to myself that I am the luckiest man in the world. Then my kids do something annoying to snap me back into reality. I later remind myself that I will miss that “annoyance” very soon. I hug them and regain my perspective all over again. 

I also think about how much fun you would have had with them. Gosh, I wish they could know you. 

Moments of beauty and moments of chaos, followed by moments of more beauty. 

A renewed focus. 

Renewed persistence. 

I have never stopped thinking of you when I walk our production floor. To be honest, I go out there to remember you. 

I loved you, Grandpa. And I still do.

I’ll write you again next year. Until then, I remain your loving grandson.

—Alex

Dear Grandpa,

Hi, Grandpa. Happy birthday in heaven. Every March 3, I think about you — and as I have for many years, I wanted to take a moment on your birthday to commemorate you by writing you a letter. 

You may not believe it, but I turned 40 last year! 40 is a milestone. I am old enough to realize that much of what I already chased was vanity. Yet, I am young enough to correct my course in profound ways. But, as I do in my prayer life, I need to start with a confession. 

This year, I have wanted to give up multiple times. I know other people will be reading this letter and I probably shouldn’t admit that. But it’s true. I have felt constantly burdened by the stress of leading a family business. I have seen others leave to do things that seem more fun and less of a grind. I have occasionally felt stuck. The world says, “follow your heart.” But what good is that when your heart is ever-changing? My buoyant mood Monday morning often turns grumpy by Monday afternoon. It changes like the wind, but my responsibility for this business remains constant. 

I know this may sound like I’m whining, and maybe I am. But if I am not honest about my thoughts, they fester. When I write them out, I can assess them, recalibrate, refocus and realign my thinking to my goals. 

My last two years have been about regaining my focus on what matters and persisting when I felt like giving up. 

“Bring Grandma flowers.”

I know I’ve shared this with you before, but I often find myself thinking about one of the last moments I saw you on this planet. 

Lying on your bed, you told us to bring Grandma flowers. This struck me because, after almost nine decades of life and success, you came back to that one relationship. There were a plethora of things you could’ve said — about the business, about your success — but you didn’t. Instead, you pointed to the most important human relationship you had. 

And while it was not your intent, I’ll tell you that it had a huge impact on the development of my character. Sarah and I have observed the same unwavering commitment in our parents’ marriages, and now we continue with ours. We are stronger today than we were pre-pandemic. This has not happened by accident —it has happened because, regardless of how hard life has been, we have ended each day the same way…talking, praying, and then talking some more. Sarah is always on my mind. I can confidently say that I understand why you were thinking about Grandma to the end.

With my home life on stable ground, I have been able to weather the storm at work. Results have been good, but there is much more to it than P&L — or at least there is in a family-led business. This year, there have been times that I have needed to shift my focus from the “burden” of the business to the “privilege” of the business. While business matters sometimes stress me to the point of affecting my sleep, the privilege of seeing other people thrive is greater. 

I cannot emphasize enough the word “other” in the previous sentence. The beauty of the business you founded shines through in the people who made it thrive: Al, Fred, Rocky, and too many other people to mention. They are countless. 

Oh, and I figured you’d want to know that Lap retired in January. You would be so proud of the man he is, the family he leads, and the contributions he made. Sure, occasionally he was a jerk to me, not holding back on letting me know how he thought I was doing. But I became so much better for it! I already miss him and his “performance reviews.” On his last day, he came to my office. We hugged, and I fought back tears. It was probably embarrassing to us both. 

Grandpa, I need to close for now, but I still have much to tell you. I’ll write you more later this week.

Love, Alex

September 30, 2061 

Dear Alex,

I will start with good news about being 80…It is the new 60. Perhaps, even 50 if you get enough sleep. After all, Tom Brady just hung it up a few years ago. 

I’m not going to give anything else away about the future. Rather, I want you to be concerned about the things in life that really matter. What follows is some advice towards them…

Nurturing your marriage with Sarah is the most important thing you can do from a human relationship standpoint. Invest in it. Work at it. Be intentional about it. Do not settle. When you entered marriage in 2007, you were passionate about never settling. Do not lose this passion and do not lose the passion you have for her. Trust your gut that relationships are never stagnant. Therefore, continue to work at it so that your marriage blesses others. This will sound idealistic to some, but so be it. Most of all, make her feel loved daily. 

Stop caring about what most think. That statement sounds weird, so let’s unpack it. Stop caring what 90% of the people out there think. But, care deeply about what 10% of the people in your life think. You will know whose opinions matter by their love. And love is not some fuzzy feeling. Rather, it is devoted action. Do they love you enough to tell you when you are full of it? And let’s be honest, you sometimes are full of it. Surround yourself with a group of people that give a damn and back it up with their actions. Similarly, do whatever it takes for them in return. Act sacrificially, just as Jesus did. 

Do not be lukewarm. Be all in or all out. You cannot do it all, especially at work, so make sure that the few areas you put your toe in the water are areas that you create ripples. Dabbling is for the insecure and the fakers. Be gutsy. Be real. 

Remember that later is longer. To this end, be a parent. Say the hard things to your kids. Hold them accountable in a loving, but direct, way. Allow them to reap what they sew. Do not save them, but always protect them. You will know the difference. 

Remember that everything I just shared in the paragraphs above applies to leading others. Be passionate for people. Be known as someone that implicitly lays out expectations, holds people accountable, and works with them to help them succeed. Your proudest moments will be doing this and seeing others win big.  

Be someone that gives second, third, and even fifty-eighth chances. Jesus does this for you.  

Continue to be a steward. God blessed you with a lot through the family you were born into. Honor your parents. Honor the team at Hoffer Plastics. Give aggressively and passionately. But, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Close the door. Don’t be an actor. It is never about you. It is about Him. Always. 

Be unashamed of the Gospel. It will become less popular in our culture for a time, but stand firm. Jesus transformed everything about you, how you live, and what you value. So stand up for your Faith. Stand with the poor, the refugee, the orphaned and the forgotten. Stand especially with any group the world declares as less than. In all ways, honor God. 

Always be willing to listen to other opinions, and always be welcoming to those that come to Jesus. Life’s biggest surprises will transpire right here. And all heaven will rejoice! 

Show up for your kids’ events. They won’t be in counseling if you don’t, but don’t miss them unless you absolutely have to. You will miss these events in the years to come. Okay, maybe not the grade school sing-a-longs. Go to those just to make Sarah happy and go with a fun spirit. 

Play as many rounds of golf with your Dad as you can. Listen to his stories about the company as many times as he tells them. The day will come when you will miss these more than you can describe here. 

Care less about your golf performance, and play more golf. This sounds like competing goals, but they are not. Your golf performance will never define you. Let the past go and be your own man. Use golf to build relationships, enjoy nature, and enjoy the best game on the planet. 

Speaking of performance, stop beating yourself up all the time. No one would follow your self-talk (especially on the golf course). It is often filled with shame. Knock it off once and for all. 

Own who you are in Christ Jesus. This again sounds weird to a world built on seeking fame, greatness, and happiness. But, these things never satisfy. You have sought them all at various stages of your life, only to come full-circle to the upside-down reality of the cross: You have to lose your life to find it, give away everything to have it all, and there is nothing you can do to earn any of this. 

Revel in his grace. 

Hug your mom! 

Have fun. You have the “take life seriously” thing down. Make it more fun the next 40 years. 

Allow yourself to grieve. Never shy away from saying the emotional thing. Shed tears when life calls for it.

Just be real. Just don’t ever say it on text, email, or social media.

Keep writing and have fun with it. 

Aim to encourage others in all you do. At your funeral, you want others to say that you were the person in their life that encouraged them and made them feel valued. That’s the you to strive for.   

Learn to ask great questions. And by all means, when you don’t know, say you don’t know! 

Life is short, so lean into it. Share your wine cellar with guests and let them pick whatever bottle they want. Do this on a Tuesday just because life is a gift.  The point is to never wait for the special moment. Create it. 

If all goes as planned, you will still have another 40 years left when you get this. So, keep on good terms with most. 

And above all else, love Jesus, love Sarah, love your kids, and love the team you work with. 

Don’t strive to be the best. 

Strive to be the most real. 

Sacrificially real. 

Live well. 

It is a great 40 years! 

10 years ago today, I became a father. 

10 years ago today, I held a baby boy in my arms while I watched the Chicago Cubs on T.V.  

I wondered whether any of it was real? 

Two days later I drove us all home. I could not believe the people in charge allowed us to leave, but they did. And, for some reason the ten minute drive to our house took twenty minutes. 

A day later we went back to the doctor’s office and forgot to bring diapers. Our newborn then did what newborns do. 

We learned our lesson then and have been learning everyday since. 

Six weeks later Starbucks reported its fiscal Q4 results for 2011 were up significantly. Coincidence? 

Nah… 

Over the years, God blessed us, and our son, with two wonderful siblings, another boy and a princess, or at least that is what she tells us she is these days. And she will always be one in my eyes. 

As Will celebrates his tenth birthday today, I could not be prouder of the man he is becoming. Much to the credit of his mother, Will has taken on responsibility of many of the household duties these days. I have observed that this is what leaders do: they pass on authority to others and let them develop. Will is one who his siblings follow because he is gentle, kind, and loving. I have learned much from observing him. In fact, I sometimes follow his lead. 

The scariest moment came when he broke his arm for the second time in a matter of months. Weeks later we were at a doctor’s appointment at Lurie Children’s Hospital ruling out all the scary things. By the grace of God, none applied. Years later I can attest God has protected Will in ways that I cannot adequately describe. May the Lord protect him these next ten years in the same fashion. 

I also realize, all-too-well with friends close to us, that not all have the same experience as we did. Our friends’ scary moment led to an even scarier diagnosis, a battle, and the loss, at least in this life, of a little girl. They have courageously proclaimed God’s goodness despite the brokenness of this world, a brokenness they have felt all too well. As I continue to mourn with them, I am reminded to take no moment for granted. 

While the last paragraph may feel out of place, the reality is that it is not. If parenting has taught me anything, it is that there is no single path in life and you have control over virtually nothing. All amounts of goodness, tragedy, and everything in between are present in this today broken, someday perfect, world. This is the world and everything in it. 

I vividly remember one day growing up playing outside from sun-up to sun-down with my best friend at the time. We must have been around Will’s age now. We played everything from football to baseball, and closed the day going fishing. The Fall sun was radiant as it began to go down, and I vividly remember longing for that day to never end.

But, life does not work that way does it?  

Many of those moments have since come and gone. And I suppose if I were to compare Will’s childhood to that day, his time is already in the early afternoon. God willing, his life has many days left, but his childhood’s “day” is already waning. There is a part of me sad about that. But, just like I had to accept the nighttime those many years ago, I have to accept that Will is going to leave the house one day. And that day will be a good day, despite the sadness I will most assuredly feel and the tears that I will probably shed.   

In the interim, I am going to continue hugging him every night before he goes to bed. Especially when he starts to hate it in his teen years. I might just hold on a little longer then. My mom did that to me after all. And like most things, she was right in doing so. 

I know that my readers come here to learn about personal development and leadership. So, here is the best advice I can give on both… 

Hug your kids. 

Hug your spouse. 

Get that right, and you will always be someone worth following. 

Cherish life and celebrate each moment. 

Happy Birthday, Will. 

I love you more than words can tell. 

This is the mid-2021 post, and as such I am going to refocus on what matters. People, plastics, and purpose, are three components of our mission statement at Hoffer Plastics. They are also instructive to this blog. 

People

In this world, there is nothing more important than people. They are God’s masterpiece. Yet, the masterpiece often makes a mess of this world. This starts with me, as the biggest problem with the world is the person I look at each morning in the mirror. That is not me virtue signaling, it is reality. I fall short. I confess. I repent. The only person I can somewhat control is myself. Hence, the assertion. If, on the other hand, you are the biggest problem in the world, my locus of control is null. To lead well, I must start here. I must be ruthlessly accountable. 

So, should you. 

I hope the future of work is humanity. This last year has reminded me how vitally important the lives of human beings are. I cannot speak for you, but I am willing to sacrifice. I am willing to cut my pay, work long hours, pray through the night, and do whatever it takes to help people. This does not make me a saint, and I also do not want to mislead that my passion for people is always on point, because it is not. Yet, this is what I come back to: People are what matters most. 

I cannot leave here without digging in some. I am for people, not tribes. I will take a stand against the nonsense being tossed around about how some people matter more than others. So we are clear, I am talking about the “us” vs. “them” mentality. We need to leave our trenches and come to our Father’s House where ALL are welcome. This starts with me. This starts with us. People matter because they are all divine image bearers. 

Plastics 

Plastics is now a dirty word. Let’s address the elephant in the room, plastic waste in the ocean is awful. We need to figure out how to be better stewards of our excess (plastics, food, and every other excess). We also need to get to the root cause of the problem. To be someone worth following, we must tackle the toughest issues. 

Plastics, however, should not be a dirty word. Not only does the material help increase everything from fuel economy to food storage, it also impacts the livelihoods of hundreds of thousands of people through the jobs it creates. So while plastic waste is a problem worthy of our best energy and effort, plastic material continues to be a life-saving, and prosperity making, material.

Many of the readers of this blog do not work in plastics, so they should replace the word “plastic” with whatever their work is. But regardless of what that work is, the point remains that it matters. It matters because work directly impacts the livelihoods of others, creates new things, and helps sustain the planet. While aide is important during times of recession, it should never be permanent. Human beings matter, and so does the work they do. We should never incentivize anything less. To do so is to lack humanity. 

Purpose

This is the question of our day, isn’t it? At the risk of sounding like a cultural commentator, could it be that our biggest problem is lack of vision? Could it be that we are now being defined for what we are against, and not what we are for? Where does “against” take us in the end? Please hear me that there are legitimate things to be against these days, but the point remains, where are we headed? 

I cannot speak for others. But I echo what Joshua said to the tribes of Israel at Shechem, “We will serve the Lord our God and obey him” (Joshua 24:24). This means that I can work with anyone and am commanded to love EVERYONE (emphasis mine). This (still) is the greatest commandment. It is also my mission.

Obedience might be an even dirtier word than plastics these days, if that is possible. But, it is important not to overlook it in the statement above. So I am clear, allow me to clarify my belief on this matter: I am saved by grace, not by works (Ephesians 2:8-9). I am also “God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works” (Ephesians 2:10). So, as a Christ-follower, I was created to do good. Being obedient to this call is a major part of my purpose. 

I have discovered, therefore, that my best moments at the workplace are when I am obedient to the call of loving others through the work of plastic injection molding. For me, purposeful living starts with people. 

This is who I am. 

Who are you? 

What matters to you? 

I invite you to do some soul searching this summer and come to clarity on what matters most. 

Then, live purposefully in the second half of 2021. 

The first week of March always reminds me of my grandfather because he was born on March 3, 1919. What follows is a letter to him.

Dear Grandpa,

Little did I know on your birthday last year how much things in our country would change. The past year has been unlike any other that I have lived, so I thought I would share some of the lessons I have learned while leading the company with my two sisters.

COVID-19 brought a countless number of challenges with it. I would have to write a book to explore them all. Suffice it to say, I have thought a lot about your values, and how you lived your life, when making COVID-related decisions this year. For example, my sisters and I thought you would be slow to take out loans so we did not. Nor, did we have to, thanks in part to decisions you made decades ago. This reminded me how decisions I make today can, and probably will, impact future generations.

You would be amazed at the technology we have these days. It allowed some on our team to work from home early on in the Pandemic. But, I suspect you would caution the reliance our society has on technology. In fact, your example of walking the production floor daily motivated me to mask up and do the same, even when the Pandemic was at its worst. I suspect you would also advise that if our people on the plant floor are working, we better be there to support and show appreciation. So, that is what I, and our entire Executive Team, did.

I mentioned masks in the last paragraph and I should clarify that you have to wear them everywhere these days. I am not a fan because I do not like how they fog my glasses, and how they can make it harder to breath. But, I wear them anyway because I want to set an example. When I was an intern working on the roof cleaning air conditioners, you reminded me that everyone would be watching. That “lecture” made it easy to push my preferences aside and lead by example with regards to masks, temperature checks, and other personal protective equipment requirements we must adhere to these days.

Some of our team members still tell stories about what you would put up with, and often, the many things you would not! The latter has challenged me this year as a leader. Too often the human side of me, the one that wants to be liked, wins over and I fail to do a good job leading. You seemed to balance this better than me, or that is how it appears so many years later. Regardless, the topic of leading others, and nudging them out of their comfort zone, are the topics I would want to talk to you about if I had the chance.

Here are two things you would approve of:

Our rally cry during the downturn last year was to save as many jobs as possible. To that end, we did not lay a single person off!

We will go back to meeting face-to-face with customers when it is allowed. “Get your butt out and sell” is still an unofficial motto.

And, here are two things you would not approve of:

We often wear jeans to work. Even my dad occasionally!

The office is often quiet and we rely too heavily on technology to communicate.

While the former is going to stay, we are working on the latter. We are still a family, which means that relationally we have to be together in person.

A week ago I was driving home from an appointment and went a little out of the way to drive by your old house. Grandma and you lived there from 1953 until the end. This was a shining example of contentment. It struck me that you were always content at home and never content at Hoffer Plastics. I hope to model this in the year to come.

I miss you.

Signing off to go walk the floor.

Love,

Alex

The last week has been momentous for America. Naturally, I found myself having several conversations during the week about what was transpiring. Therefore, I am pivoting from my original post for this week and writing this post on January 8th. To be sure, what follows is not about politics. In fact, I started taking these actions long before last week. Division, in my opinion, is so prevalent that as a leader I need to have a plan. So, below is my plan. The challenge, as always, is for you to create your own. Without civility, leadership wanes and eventually dissipates because no one follows uncivil leaders for long.

Action 1: I am flooding my mind with the Bible.

I have always been disciplined about reading the Bible. But I am upping the ante this year. Why? Simply stated, we live in an era dominated by information so I want to ensure that my mind is filled with God’s word more than anything else. To do this, I am using the app “Bible in One Year” from Alpha. I invite anyone needing some hope to join me. With regards to civility, it leads to Action 2.

Action 2: I am praying more.

Prayer, understood properly, is a means of ACTION that connects us with God to see the world in the way God sees it (i.e., as it is unveiled in his Word, the Bible). My prayer starts with confession where I spend time identifying all my messes. It then leads to repentance, or when I ask God for help to walk in the opposite direction of those messes. I then praise God using attributes in the Bible (forgiveness, sovereignty, and countless others!). Then, I move to praying for others and myself (more on that in a second). Finally, I finish with thanksgiving. Thanksgiving reorients my life to what good is happening, even on weeks like last week.

So how does prayer lead to civility? Prayer is always more about changing who you are —becoming the person God wants you to be which is always, among many other things, more loving—rather than about “getting what you want.” So, I spend time praying for others, especially those I disagree with. I do this because it helps me see the world from their perspective by thinking about what they might need from God. This inevitability grows my love for them. For example, I once prayed so much for a customer who was giving me a hard time that I started loving them six months into it (it took about six months for me to overcome my lack of love!). A year later, after this customer had been fired from their own company, they called me first. This is not to brag; it is just an example of what prayer does: Praying increased my love for this person. And prayer always does this! To this day I think fondly of this person, despite some of the harsh things they said to me before I started praying for them.

Action 3: I am limiting my news intake to the A.M. only.

Are you still with me? If so, stop participating in the 24/7 news cycle. Seriously. STOP. It is unhealthy for everyone. Instead of doing this, I am reading two newsletters from the Wall Street Journal and a few articles in the paper that I find interesting. Then I stop, go to work, and actually work instead of being consumed by the news. When I get home at night, I unplug from the news. It will all be there in the morning. How does this help civility? Rest from the news gives one perspective and time to think. What would happen if individuals in our country thought more about what was happening rather than reacting on the spot to everything?

Action 4: I have eliminated all social media but LinkedIn.

I wrote about this last month, so I will make this brief. Social Media has positive elements so I am not going to say that it is all negative. But, my experience of it has demonstrated that people —including me! —are willing to post things on it that they would otherwise not say in public. This is not healthy. Combine it with the comparison game, or in my case, my temptation to make myself look better than I am, the right choice for me was to stop using it. If you are getting worked up reading what others are saying, either those you agree with or those you disagree with, it is time to get off of it. Let me repeat, it is time for you to shut your accounts down! Staying on, to quote Dr. Henry Cloud, is akin to having someone pee in your cereal and you complain how it tastes. Social media influences your brain and heart, and you need both to be civil. Use the time you used to spend on social media to do number 1 above, and number 5…

Action 5: I am reading more history books.

At the risk of over-generalizing, it feels like our society has lost perspective. History always gives perspective. What our country is facing right now is both similar in some ways, and different in other ways, from challenges in the past. It takes a thorough understanding of history to assess to assess what is really going on and why it matters. So, why not spend twenty minutes a day reading history and learning so that you can put what is happening in its appropriate context?

For leaders this is particularly important. If we are charting the course for others to follow, shouldn’t we have an understanding of the past? Furthermore, as it relates to civility, shouldn’t we be reading books about the wrongs of the past (like slavery and racial injustices) that grow our compassion and understanding for people not like us? And wouldn’t that time be far more impactful and more useful than reading what our high school “friend”- who we have not seen in twenty years—has to say about what happened last week on social media?

Civility is still possible.

Let that sink in because I know to many it does not feel like it.

It is going to take leaders, people that are worth following, to forge the way of civility. I am not waiting for politicians to figure this out.

Rather, I am going to be civil right now.

More aptly, I am going to love because I am loved by a heavenly Father. Thanks be to Jesus for that.

Will you join me?

Occasionally, I pause from leadership topics to write a more personal post. This is one of those. What follows may seem fictional, but I can assure you that it is not. My ask is that you share this post with someone if you think it will give them encouragement.

My story begins with a small pain, the kind that is both not that noticeable, but never fully gone. After living with this on-and-off again pain throughout the Summer, I mentioned it to my doctor during my annual physical. Is it a hernia, I asked? She was not concerned, but referred me to a surgeon just to be sure.

Before using her referral, however, I wanted to make an appointment with another surgeon I knew personally from my golf club. So, I called his office and tried to make an appointment. The switchboard, however, asked me several questions, and I ended up being told I needed to see someone else altogether. While this sounds immaterial, it later became important because it forced me to see the surgeon my doctor had ultimately referred me to.

A week later, the day after my birthday no less, I discovered I needed double hernia surgery. While this surgery was needed—eventually—the doctor gave me the option for “watchful waiting.” So, over the course of the next week or so I prayed and asked God for some guidance as to what I should do. While I did not feel an “epiphany,” I did come to terms with the peaceful feeling that October 23rd would be my surgery date and the best time to get this taken care of. Health first, I thought.

Little did I know how much the health first lesson would be driven home in the following weeks…

The surgery day came and the procedure went seemingly well. That is until I tried to walk post procedure. I immediately felt a pain that I had never had before. I felt so nauseous that I almost passed out. The nurse assured me that this was normal, probably a side-effect of the anesthesia. A few hours later, Sarah and I were at home eating a small dinner.

It was the last meal I would eat for seven days.

The next morning began with more serious pain. I felt bloated, tired, and simply uncomfortable. The doctor had told me prior to surgery that I would be okay to walk the neighborhood the day after surgery, but that felt like a pipe dream. Tomorrow, I thought.

Tomorrow came but it was much worse. This led Sarah to call the doctor on call, and I will spare you the details of what the doctor suggested that I try to alleviate my symptoms because they were the kind of measures too embarrassing to share here. “If they don’t work,” the doctor said, “then you need to come in.”

By 8 p.m. I was admitted into the emergency room. This led to a quick CT scan and the emergency room doctor telling me that I was going to be admitted after they inserted an “NG Tube” into me.

Objective Pause 1.0

What is an “NG Tube?” A nasogastric tube (NG tube) is a special tube that carries food and medicine to the stomach through the nose. In other words, the only way in is up through the nose and down into the stomach. I asked the nurse how long “this fun” (I used those words) would take, and she said that it would be the “longest” two minutes of my life. With that, I told Sarah to take a walk, and the three of us (another nurse was present) started the weirdest “fraternity” party of my life —I call this a “fraternity” party because one nurse yelled for me to “chug” water through a straw while the tube went down my throat. This was to ensure that it went into my stomach and not my lung.

I cannot find any two minutes that capture 2020 more than these two.

The days—not hours—to come were complex. The first day featured a litany of tests that confounded my doctor because I passed them all. Could this simply be that my stomach was “slow” to wake up post-surgery? In hopes that this was the case, the doctor ordered a test where a “dye” was injected into my IV. The goal was to see whether it could make it all the way through my system. While this is a little gross to put in writing, it is important to share because a few hours later led to the closest thing I have ever experienced in terms of a dark night of the soul.

It was about 8 p.m. in the evening, or about 5 hours after the test had begun, when the pain went from a “5” to a “10.” I was writhing in pain by 8:30 p.m. I am not too proud to admit that I began crying out God. This is no figure of speech either, I was so uncomfortable that I was literally talking aloud in my hospital room. By 11:30 p.m. the pain was so intense that I was asking Jesus to take me home.

Objective Pause 2.0

There is much to say about pain and why God allows pain in our lives. There is a lot to say even about sin, the fallibility of man, and theology in general. I am happy to go into more detail of what I believe in person, but suffice it for now to say that I have gone astray in my personal life. I am a sinner, meaning I often choose “my will” and preferences, over God’s. Further, I often think “my way” is best. But it never is. While this does not fully explain pain, the reality is that one day I will die because death is the natural consequence of separation from God (the source of life). So to a certain extent, the pain I was feeling in this instance may not have been “fair,” but it was certainty not “unjust.” In fact, it is only because of amazing grace that I don’t experience more pain in my life.

Objective Pause 2.5

I would also be remiss to say that even though I have had moments in my life where I felt God speak in one way or another, this moment was not one of them. That said, and as events would play out, I still never felt alone. This was admittedly an odd juxtaposition. But, spiritual life is not simple or explainable. So, I cannot adequately explain any of this and make note of that reality here.

By the mercy of God, the pain eventually subsided throughout the night. The next morning I began circling the hall of my hospital floor pushing my IV. I was encouraged to do this by the doctor in order to get my system moving. The nurses cheered me on as I walked lap after lap (about 380 feet per lap). I would end up totaling over 100 laps over the course of the week, an accomplishment that the fighter in me is proud of!

For the sake of time, the next two days were a mixed bag. There were moments when my system seemed to indicate that I was on the path to healing. But, these were quickly followed by the harsh reality that something was still very wrong. By 5:00 p.m. on night four in the hospital, the surgeon looked at me and said that he thought he needed to operate the next morning. I fully agreed.

Objective Pause 3.0

As the surgeon told me, you never want to be the “odd” medical case. Nor, do you want to be the case that stumps the surgeon. Nor, do you want to be the case the surgeon needs help on. Nor, do you want to be the case that delays all the other surgeries the following morning. As luck would have it, I was all of the above!

I awoke early the morning of October 30th and did my Bible reading. Afterwards, I spent time praying for the nurses, staff, and doctors that would take care of me that day. I cannot explain how or why, but I had a sense of confidence. The one thing I wanted to avoid was MORE surgery, yet over the course of the previous five days, I had surrendered to God’s will. In fact, I told God, “I do not like what is happening, but I trust you Father. I do not get it, but I know you are Good. My hope is not in this surgery being successful, but in an eternity with you.” In fact, the more alone time I had that week, the more I realized how vain my hopes often are: business, success, political outcomes, material things, etc. These things are not bad, they just are not as important as I often make them. I also thanked God for how strong my wife is and was through all of this. What a blessing it is to have a rock, human speaking, in times like these! I am blessed beyond belief!

As I lay on my bed awaiting surgery, I observed how beautiful the culture is at Delnor Hospital. Nurses hugged each other, doctors gave each other fist bumps, and everyone treated me with respect. My surgeon was ALL-IN throughout the week and met me before 6:30 a.m. on surgery day. Having sported a University of Iowa headband during our first surgery, the historian in me joked that today, “we are all Hawkeyes,” which made him laugh (look up President Reagan’s exchange with his surgeon in 1981 for context).

The good Lord took it from there. Here are the two texts Sarah sent our family to summarize how my surgery went:

“Surgery was a success! Praise the Lord. Apparently there was a small tear in the periteneum (sp?)—thin layer between muscle and intestines. This happened during surgery or after. We don’t know. But a small piece of the small intestine got caught in it and caused an obstruction. Dr pulled it out—intestine is totally healthy so he put it back in place and sewed the hole shut. (This is my layman’s understanding lol!). Bottom line is he will be fine!!! Hopefully going home tomorrow or Saturday. Thank you for your prayers. God is so good even when things are hard. And we are so thankful for the community of support we have!

Another cool god thing is that the surgeon said in 25 years of practice he’s never seen this happen. BUT recently there was a virtual surgery conference and he happened to click on a session about post op complications that showed exactly this. It’s what gave him the nudge to do surgery and it was exactly what he found.”

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I am thankful that I somehow was directed to this surgeon, even when I tried to make an appointment with a different one. I do not have enough faith to believe this was happenstance. Rather, I believe it was the divine hand of God.

5 Lessons

As I write these words, six days have now passed since my second surgery. My health continues to improve, and I am walking about 3 miles per day outside! Here are some thoughts to end this post:

1. In manufacturing, and apparently surgery, things happen. It is not a matter of “if”, but rather a matter of how you react when they do. I thank God that I had someone who worked the problem with me. This is what leaders do! (And, in case you are wondering, as unfortunate as my situation was, I hold no ill-will or blame towards anyone.)
2. I spent seven days not eating, most experiencing the pain of my small intestine breaching an abdominal wall. Still, my self-talk during this week often revolved around calling myself names for not being a “man” with pain. This is a humble lesson to learn. Negative self-talk does not help anything. Further, I will take pain a lot more seriously in the future.
3. While this blog will continue to talk about leadership and personal development, this experience teaches me that my priorities are: God, health, Sarah, kids, and everything else. Why that order? Because without health I am of little good to Sarah, the kids, and Hoffer Plastics.
4. While I was in the hospital, Hoffer Plastics had an AWESOME October. I am so replaceable it is both funny and awesome. This is just one more reason to take health seriously…(Great job team!)
5. While I cannot speak for anyone else, my hope is rooted in the eyewitness account of the resurrection of Jesus. Nothing else matters.

In closing, I suppose if 2020 has taught me anything, it is to keep the faith when life gets hard, humility is a virtue we should all strive for, and always expect the unexpected.